Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The fact that you call it "cold approach" probably means you read a lot of the pickup/incel stuff on the internet. Stop reading that stuff.
You'll be much better off meeting people who aren't strangers. You'll have more in common and better conversations. Examples: Mutual friends. People who frequent the same places you do. Or social events/places that people go to with intent of meeting new people.
And don't go out places solely just to meet women. It looks really desperate and forced, and people will pick up on that. Instead, go out to have a good time and meet friends, and you happen to meet someone along the way, it's much more natural.
Like a lot of skills, practice makes perfect. Start small. Practice making small talk with all kinds of people. Tell the old man buying the delicious looking bundt cake in front of you how good the cake looks, and ask him if he's bought it before, and would he recommend it?, or asking the lady waiting on getting her oil changed where she got her buffalo plaid jacket, cause it sure looks warm...etc.
Practice ENGAGING with people. As you get better at it, you'll have more confidence to make small talk with women, and be humorous and a little brave.
You won't hit a home run every time, but you'll learn not to take it as personal rejection, because you've had LOTS of experience of positively engaging with humans who responded in a positive way to you. And as you get more practice throwing out that figurative net, you will land some fish. lol
In truth, this is every realm of life.
It's astonishing to me how people do not understand how to talk to other people. They usually throw out some BS excuse like, "I'm an introvert" and don't make the effort at all.
But the ability to have a conversation with someone new isn't a nice attribute to have. It's a survival skill, both in the professional and personal worlds. The tragedy for the tongue tied is that it's really not all that hard to master at all.
Being a good conversationalist hinges on one simple principle: Be more interested in the other person than yourself.
That's it. That's all there is to it. Listen actively, digest what that other person is saying, and respond in a way that proves you've heard them.
But most people don't do that. They don't listen in order to understand the other person. They listen for an opening where they can talk some more about themselves.
Back to the original question. It's important to establish rapport with someone. There is no magical strategy. There is no sentence that's going to make a woman's pupil dilate, her breasts heave, and her say, "Yes, yes, take me now my steed." And if someone is really that indiscriminate, do you want to be with that person in the first place?
It seems like it's important to mention that one doesn't LOSE necessarily, if one doesn't land a date. If the interaction is positive, with smiles, and eye contact, and the interaction made you feel good about yourself, THAT IS a win.
... BUT he got positive reinforcement from it, and heck, I got a positive experience out of it too. Again...it doesn't always result in a 'score'. It's practicing the game, if you will, and getting good at seeing opportunity, and building on that confidence with experience.
Yes, "Cold Approach" is quite useful to practice for a shy guy with limited social connections as long as he has realistic expectations. The expectation for success should be if a woman he doesn't know is wiling to talk to him a little bit and perhaps smile. The criteria should not be that he gets a date from a woman he has never met before because that is just unlikely. It is also a good way to practice getting rejections without taking them personally.
Last edited by DefiantNJ; 11-02-2022 at 11:16 AM..
Like a lot of skills, practice makes perfect. Start small. Practice making small talk with all kinds of people. Tell the old man buying the delicious looking bundt cake in front of you how good the cake looks, and ask him if he's bought it before, and would he recommend it?, or asking the lady waiting on getting her oil changed where she got her buffalo plaid jacket, cause it sure looks warm...etc.
Practice ENGAGING with people. As you get better at it, you'll have more confidence to make small talk with women, and be humorous and a little brave.
You won't hit a home run every time, but you'll learn not to take it as personal rejection, because you've had LOTS of experience of positively engaging with humans who responded in a positive way to you. And as you get more practice throwing out that figurative net, you will land some fish. lol
It turns out that a lot of guys are usually awful at predicting how women are going to respond to their overtures.
So for instance, their has been research on why guy's send dic pics. The guys who are doing this do this hoping that women who they send these pictures to will respond favorably and hopefully send them nude pictures back in return. These guys sending these pictures tend to be younger and more narcissistic. But surprisingly these guys are not doing this intentionally trying to harrass women. They are just really bad at reading their intended audience.
Among gay men, I think suspect that sending likely dic pics does work fairly often, but what I don't know is whether these guys sending pictures to women are doing it because it only works in porn or whether some women unusually high in sociosexuality who will respond back favorably with pictures of their own.
My reaction to such photos has always been something between mild amusement and eye rolling. I've never sent nude photos to anyone with or without such an attempted prompt, I've never wanted sex with someone because they sent such an image, and I've never felt aroused upon seeing one.
Also, I have not received much in the way of such pictures...of course, I haven't spent much time in my life with a relationship status of "single" and interacting with randy randos on the internet. But the three men who have ever sent me one had something else in common, which I've always found kinda funny. All three were the lead singers of heavy metal bands. The conclusion I reached was that they had a "desperate for attention" personality type...just due to the conjunction of those two facts. And they perhaps just expected/assumed that women would be interested. Well, two of the three. I'm pretty well convinced that one of them thought it was a funny prank.
As I've discussed in these forums many times, strangers don't arouse me anyways. A man has to cross a threshold in my mind from stranger, to not-stranger and landing in the maybe-to-yes evaluation after some conversation has taken place. But once he's cleared that initial bar, what does excite me is not visual but tactile sensory input, or possibly auditory (certain men's voices are very appealing.) But in any event, no way is a stranger going to just push a quick and instant button and get an instant result here.
So guys need to work on social interaction. Sure you might find a way to initiate that from a "cold approach" scenario... But if a man wants easy and instant success with women, he probably ought to think about what that says about the woman who would cooperate with that. A smart, sensible woman who isn't engaging in very risky behavior will REQUIRE a man to take some time to not seem like a stranger before anything goes anywhere. Guys think, I guess, that they specifically are so special or if they are worthy, they are so attractive, that a woman should just swoon and give it up (to them but not anyone else somehow)...yet a woman who does that for any guy is taking big risks, and if she'll do that with you, in what other areas of her life is she doing it? Because I don't care who a man is, he ain't THAT special or precious on first sight. I'm not saying that good women "play hard to get"...but I do think that those of us who let things move super fast and are heedless of risk, aren't the healthiest partner material. And I do include myself during moments where I acted that way. My head was not in the right place...not to say that I was unable to heal, get better, do better...but there was a certain amount of mess and drama to me in those brief phases of time in my life. As I used to say then, "I wouldn't date me."
My suggestion for a guy is to give your number to her. Saying I realize you are busy and not needing another person maybe bugging you so if you are interested in meeting again, please call me. I do so hope you call. Bye.
My suggestion for a guy is to give your number to her. Saying I realize you are busy and not needing another person maybe bugging you so if you are interested in meeting again, please call me. I do so hope you call. Bye.
You mean walk up to an attractive woman waiting in the grocery checkout line and do that?
You mean walk up to an attractive woman waiting in the grocery checkout line and do that?
Sheesh.
No. I mean after a few minutes of conversation that seems to be going well, Maybe a bit of "flirting" but also one must start the conversation. I once met a women at the grocery store after I asked her about a product she was contemplating. I let it be known I was single early on in the conversation by saying it is a pain cooking for one. She responded she cooked for two but one was a child. I then asked if there was a guy in her life and so on. We did not talk more then 5 minutes. I gave her my calling card and said I would love to take her to lunch someday. Call me if interested. She called about 5 days later.
My suggestion for a guy is to give your number to her. Saying I realize you are busy and not needing another person maybe bugging you so if you are interested in meeting again, please call me. I do so hope you call. Bye.
Yeah, no. How on earth would she know if she wants to see him or even talk to him again? He's a random stranger.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
