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People are so uncomfortable initiating and sustaining a conversation with someone whom they may not know.
At many of the dinners that I have attended, couples do not sit together. Rather, they are separated at the dinner table and sit next to other people. I usually do the same at my house.
I've seen absolute panic in some people's faces when they realize this. I think this is wonderful, especially for young people. This gives them the opportunity to meet new people and enhance their conversation skills.
I love sitting with people to whom I have just been introduced. It's exciting to find out about their hobbies and travels. And most people are polite and are interested in my hobbies and travels (or at least they feign interest). My friends are already bored with my vacation stories. How nice for me to have a whole new group of people with whom to converse.
I think a cold approach is fine if the “approacher” is low key and respectful. Art museums are a good place to meet people, if you’re not in a bar. If the gallery is slightly crowded, even better, because no one feels vulnerable.
If someone is looking at something, stand beside them and look, too. Ask what they think. Then say something that is a reasonable reply. That’s a good approach.
Offer to buy coffee if you enjoy the conversation.
No. I mean after a few minutes of conversation that seems to be going well, Maybe a bit of "flirting" but also one must start the conversation. I once met a women at the grocery store after I asked her about a product she was contemplating. I let it be known I was single early on in the conversation by saying it is a pain cooking for one. She responded she cooked for two but one was a child. I then asked if there was a guy in her life and so on. We did not talk more then 5 minutes. I gave her my calling card and said I would love to take her to lunch someday. Call me if interested. She called about 5 days later.
This! Or if the conversation goes well, you can ask her if you could buy her a coffee, if there's a coffee shop nearby, or if you're in a grocery store that has a coffee concession. And if she has to hurry on her way, you can offer your card.
I remember that! If someone handed me a business card without a word spoken, I would not assume they were looking for a date. Someone who can’t even speak to me isn’t worth any of my time.
As Snazzy said you need to engage with people, before ever asking for a date.
I'm not sure what kind of "cold approach" the OP means. A cold approach could be about initiating a chat, and then if it goes well, asking if the person would be interested in meeting again sometime, or in going next door for coffee, or whatever. Don't people do that anymore?
The only successful strategy for meeting and engaging women is to simply talk to them like living, breathing human beings, not fertility goddesses. They are not video games that require some magical combination of button pushing to get to the next level.
So when I read about some strategy or the latest PUA whatever, I roll my eyes.
Well that and realizing, even if you look like Frank Zane in his prime and are a billionaire, any cold approach may be already involved with someone else, may have deal breakers that she does not wear on her sleeve (Baby Rabies, much?) (Well, that's the ultimate deal breaker for me, anyway...)
I mean, it's like a cold approach "Do you want to buy my house?" "Do you want to buy my car?" The vast majority of the general population is not wanting to make the deal you offer, and that does not mean the deal you offer is defective. Just that they don't want to do that exact deal, right now.
The same holds for ladies. Any random physically attractive guy is, more than likely, not available.
If you are going to do the cold approach, realize your odds are very slim on any given interaction. Realize that rejection is the expected outcome, so be time-effective and break contact, continue mission, so to speak, when rejected. It's like fishing, if they ain't biting, well, try another bait, try another lure, and just enjoy the experience of "the hunt" without pushing it. Seek a Zen experience.
I personally like to maintain "plausible deniability" on any initial cold contact. That is, I make an approach that is not undeniably "hitting" on them. Ambiguity can be your friend.
The other day, I was in a gas station, looking to buy a 12 pack of bottled water. I wasn't sure where to look, and the cashier wasn't either, so she asked the distributor guy who happened to be there, Now...this guy had game. He COULD'VE just pointed to where the water was, but instead, he offered to pick it up for me (It was one of those 32 bottle packages) and put it up by the register for me. Then he offered to put it in my car for me. I thanked him profusely.
He insisted on being a gentleman for the beautiful lady (his words). I smiled and told him he was making my day. That was encouragement to him (his game was being received in a positive way.) He told me a few more times, in a few more ways, as he was carrying my water to my car, how beautiful I was, how beautiful my top was, my hair was, etc. I laughed and told him again he was making my day. He offered to shake hands, and held my hand a little longer than necessary.
It was a flirtation without a payoff (for him) there would be no date forthcoming. BUT he got positive reinforcement from it, and heck, I got a positive experience out of it too. Again...it doesn't always result in a 'score'. It's practicing the game, if you will, and getting good at seeing opportunity, and building on that confidence with experience.
And this is an example of what I mean by "plausible deniability", the guy could (barely) say he was just trying to offer exceptional customer service. He's pushing the envelope I would use, but he's not outside it. Well he did sell you a 32 bottle package when you came in looking for a 12.
Good Lord, I love it when an attractive lady has car trouble. I'm good with cars, and I look like Superman when I fix their issue. Which I can frequently do.
Of course, it helps to be presentably dressed, and you have to be at least clean and not smelling like you just left the gym without showering after working out. Depending, if a gal has car trouble I can be a little scruffy as she is expecting a scruffy guy (but one she pays) to fix her issue.
But the above is an excellent example of how to make a cold approach work.
It's like in baseball. To make a run, you first have to at least make a base hit. You consistently get to first base, and you will get some runs scored, unless the rest of your team is a bunch of bums.
It seems like it's important to mention that one doesn't LOSE necessarily, if one doesn't land a date. If the interaction is positive, with smiles, and eye contact, and the interaction made you feel good about yourself, THAT IS a win.
Indeed. Ladies talk with each other, if that's news to you, I guess you grew up on Mars. So a positive interaction with one (with no date) may lead to an introduction to another (with a date).
And for me anyway, I accept that I'm an "acquired taste" to say the least. I'm not Ken from Barbie, I'm a complicated intellectual guy, a very hardcore libertarian, I have more money in collector firearms than most guys have in a paid-for house, I'm uncompromisingly child-free. For most ladies, and particularly almost all with an IQ less than say 110, I'm a damn handful and they don't like me after a while. And that's OK, I'm not going to turn down the volume on who I am to try to increase mass appeal. Which would not work long term anyway. It would be another thread, but I remember some high-IQ gals in high school who picked out reasonably good looking but not high-IQ guys to date and marry. Now I wonder if they didn't just pick out "a horse that's easy to ride and won't give them much trouble"?
If I was a corporation I wouldn't even have a marketing department. My product stands on it's own, if you decide to buy something cheaper or easier, well, go ahead then and good riddance. And, really, I'm OK with that.
There was a time when I took NYC subway into work every day and I was still in my 20s.
You never see the same people so I literally could have hit on hundreds of women each day from the train and walking to work. And there literally were hundreds of attractive young women in Manhattan every single day.
You figure with those odds...
But it really doesn't work that way. And I had friends with really good game, and they didn't do it either.
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How nice for me to have a whole new group of people with whom to converse.
