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Life is too short to deal with substance abusers, regardless of their drug of choice.
Some people make a distinction between illegal and legal drugs, (such as alcohol). I don't. I would not knowingly enter a relationship with an alcoholic any more quickly than a Heroin addict.
movin'on, I note from your posts on this thread that you seem predisposed to defend your decision.
You certainly don't "need" our approval. If you do proceed with this relationship, please let us know how it works out.
I met someone and he says he is going to stop using. It is possible. The sensible side of me says run for the hills, but I actually like the person and if he were to clean it up, I would consider it. I do know the risks, but I also know there are lots of people out there who have moved on.
As far as my question on drinking, I think drinking is way less worse than drugs - but this is most likely because it's legal and socially acceptable. I've always thought drug users were in a different class, but that may be snobby on my part.
There's this line from the movie "Pretty Woman" you should consider.... "Never fall in love with Potential."
Having watched someone I used to love very much ruin his life, body, mind, and spirit with illegal (and legal) drugs, I would say listen to that "run" instinct. Though I don't hang out with a lot of drug abusers, every single one of them that I do know, when they were in the active cycle of their addiction were "about to quit", "going to quit", "able to quit", or some other lie that they have to tell themselves in order to mask the truth that they can't quit at all. IF this person were to be able to stop his drug use, he should be focused on getting/staying sober for at least a year before he tries to focus on something like a romantic relationship. I dunno- if he's a really great guy, I would say wait until he's sober a whole year and then date him. However... you might be waiting a VERY long time for that year of sobriety. AND HEAVEN FORBID- do NOT become the reason/inspiration for him to quit doing drugs, because pretty soon, you'll become the reason he relapses. Not trying to preach at you... I've just been there, done that, and (hopefully) learned something from my experience.
You're right. I'm sorry. It's just that you seem to want to slide out of what you clearly know is the best thing for you to do, and slide into what you clearly know is wrong for you. That's why I wondered.
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I met someone and he says he is going to stop using. It is possible.
Yes, it's possible. And it's highly unlikely. The morgues everywhere get filled every day with the ones who didn't stop.
P.S. ADDICTS LIE. THEY LIE, AND LIE, AND LIE, AND LIE. AND THEN THEY LIE. Absolutely NOTHING including you is nearly as important to them as their drug of choice. Nothing. Not you, not ever.
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I actually like the person
You'll meet thousands of people whom you "like" in your life. Do you want to make a home and family with every one of them? No. Skip this one too.
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if he were to clean it up, I would consider it.
You are one of only a handful of magical people left in America who understand the conditional tense of verbs!!!!!! Thank you for your sparklingly beautiful English!!!
So --- if he FIXES himself, if he CHANGES who he is, you'd consider having his children and living with him for 50 years? What that means is: YOU DON'T LIKE HIM THE WAY HE IS AND YOU DON'T WANT HIM THE WAY HE IS. That means you don't want him, period. Listen to yourself, to your own words!
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I think drinking is way less worse than drugs
You seem young, and perhaps you haven't seen much of life yet. Ask 20 adults on the street if alcoholics have a fun life, have a smooth life, are elegant and successful, don't cheat on their spouses, don't steal from their children's college funds, live with 401ks and IRA accounts, pay their bills on time, have deeply satisfying intimate spousal relationships, and are beloved by their communities. The answers are: NO. They keep destroying their bodies and minds with alcohol, grow thinner and thinner as the body becomes unable to keep an immune system operating, and they die young leaving behind wasted bodies and wasted relationships with people who, underneath it all, are glad to see them go, glad to be out of the prison the addict imposed on their lives.
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I also know there are lots of people out there who have moved on.
Actually, that's not true -- addiction never ever ever stops. There's such a thing as an "addictive personality", meaning the individual is particularly susceptible to becoming addicted to a substance or to a behavior, such as bidding on Ebay for things they don't need simply for the thrill of winning -- so much so that their choice of actions puts them in financial danger, physical danger, medical danger, sanity danger, and/or any other kind of danger.
All addictions are self-destructive, because the addict has chosen to allow themselves to live repeated actions that will quickly or slowly get them into serious, even fatal, trouble -- and have not sought corrective help which they keep pursuing, maybe for years, until the addiction no longer blinds them and controls their lives. And therefore all addicts are destructive to the people who choose to care about addicts. It's death row for everyone involved.
I wish you wise choices that enhance you instead of shrink you.
Last edited by allforcats; 02-21-2009 at 05:38 PM..
What about if they just drank too much? For some reason I think that is way more palatable than a drug user. They aren't going to steal from you, cheat you, etc.
Oh yes they are They will lie to you just as soon as look at you. If they want to drink they would run there dead mother or you over with there car.
Life is too short to deal with substance abusers, regardless of their drug of choice.
Some people make a distinction between illegal and legal drugs, (such as alcohol). I don't. I would not knowingly enter a relationship with an alcoholic any more quickly than a Heroin addict.
movin'on, I note from your posts on this thread that you seem predisposed to defend your decision.
You certainly don't "need" our approval. If you do proceed with this relationship, please let us know how it works out.
I wish you the best, but fear the worst.
No, not looking for approval, quite the contrary. The thought I even consider it shows I have a screw loose. I am hoping I listen to the wisdom of the fine city data people.
Dwatted Wabbit just sent me a message that is so perfect, and worded so perfectly, that I want to share it with you.
"Addicts are spirits in torment."
Yes. And you can't "save" them by choosing to become emotionally invested in them, because they don't feel, think or live like normal humans and they will send your own spirit into torment too.
Yes, he is saying I am not interested in you, your support or stopping using at this time. Thanks for pointing out the obvious and very important point.
Meanwhile, in my goofy head I am saying - maybe he can't answer it, maybe he's in the hospital, in jail, etc. I think I need to go to codependents anonymous.
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They will lie to you just as soon as look at you. If they want to drink they would run there dead mother or you over with there car.
