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One loving, caring, gentle giant free to a good home. I am a good earner, father, and lover. I am house broken and trained to do domestic duties. I love kids and work with a group that tries to get kids off the streets and out of gangs.(having been a gang member in my youth) I don't drink very much. I do smoke but have set 3-31 as the day I quit. I drive fast cars and push them to the limit. I am forgiving up to the point of a problem being repetitive. I listen, even when I don't like what I am hearing. I don't travel with my business. My office can be anywhere the internet is available. I have two beautiful boys that drive me to be the best man I can be. I work hard and play hard. I don't ask for much. Just rub my belly to let me know you care. Oh and if something were to come up during said belly rubbing.... rub that too......
After having a huge fight with my soon to be ex, I sat down and asked myself... Self are you really that bad?
To hear her tell it, everything is my fault...then after cutting through the defense mechanisms, she will say she is going to work on it. Basically between her and I communication is )(&^#(^%@(&@_#. I feel like we are speaking different languages sometimes. This morning (keep in mind I have already made up my mind I am done) in an effort to keep it civil for the kids, I asked if she needed any help getting stuff together for her business trip. She is leaving tonight and has not packed a thing. She has not taken anything to the cleaners. She assumed I was trying to get on her about it, got all defensive and started telling me I have anger issues. I never raised my voice. I said only, I see the dry cleaning on the bed.. Do you want me to take it, and is there anything else I can do to help. At the end of 30 mins of arguing she admits her communication with me is crap, and she is going to work on it.
Hey I am not perfect, but everything she has asked me to change or work on I have. More than anything to try and make her happy. She has three step that she goes through on any and every argument.
First, denial: "I don't do that", "I didn't say that", "that's not what I meant".
Step two blame: When I ask for clarification on what she was intending, "You have anger issues", "You don't listen", "Why can't you understand me".
Step three defend: "My co workers say I am right.", "The girls at work tell me I don't have to deal with you.", "Why can't you just deal with it".(These co workers have never been around me. They have never seen US together and are simply making a judgment based on how she presents the problem.)
These steps fit every confrontational situation. It could be over something like "Hey babe I really don't want to let the neighbors in on what kind of money we earn." After her telling the neighbor I paid cash for my car. She will go to step one. Followed by step two but in this case it is... "Your paranoid no one cares how much we make." Then step three. "We all talk about how much we pay for stuff what's wrong with you?" Forget that I simply asked please don't discuss our financial environment.
To hear her tell it, everything is my fault...then after cutting through the defense mechanisms, she will say she is going to work on it. Basically between her and I communication is )(&^#(^%@(&@_#. I feel like we are speaking different languages sometimes. This morning (keep in mind I have already made up my mind I am done) in an effort to keep it civil for the kids, I asked if she needed any help getting stuff together for her business trip. She is leaving tonight and has not packed a thing. She has not taken anything to the cleaners. She assumed I was trying to get on her about it, got all defensive and started telling me I have anger issues. I never raised my voice. I said only, I see the dry cleaning on the bed.. Do you want me to take it, and is there anything else I can do to help. At the end of 30 mins of arguing she admits her communication with me is crap, and she is going to work on it.
Hey I am not perfect, but everything she has asked me to change or work on I have. More than anything to try and make her happy. She has three step that she goes through on any and every argument.
First, denial: "I don't do that", "I didn't say that", "that's not what I meant".
Step two blame: When I ask for clarification on what she was intending, "You have anger issues", "You don't listen", "Why can't you understand me".
Step three defend: "My co workers say I am right.", "The girls at work tell me I don't have to deal with you.", "Why can't you just deal with it".(These co workers have never been around me. They have never seen US together and are simply making a judgment based on how she presents the problem.)
These steps fit every confrontational situation. It could be over something like "Hey babe I really don't want to let the neighbors in on what kind of money we earn." After her telling the neighbor I paid cash for my car. She will go to step one. Followed by step two but in this case it is... "Your paranoid no one cares how much we make." Then step three. "We all talk about how much we pay for stuff what's wrong with you?" Forget that I simply asked please don't discuss our financial environment.
No offense, but I've been around for a while and I have learned that it takes two to make a relationship and two to destroy one.
It's a decision people make together- up or down.
If you're looking for someone to say, that b**ch, it won't come from me. I say do whatever it takes to maintain and improve the relationship.
No, Boneheaded, you misunderstood me. I didn't ask for a description of how bad your wife is. You described yourself as, pretty much, as close to a model husband as it gets. What I am asking is, if we asked your wife to assess you, what would she say?
Are you seriously trying to get into another relationship already? Haven't you learned your lesson?
I'm going to have to dissagree with BLAZER PROPHET's statement about relationships. Sometimes, you have a giver and a taker in the relationship. When the giver finally has no more to give but the taker keeps taking then it's time to move on.
People never change for other people and nobody has the right to expect another person to change for them. If you're not compatible, you're not compatible. It's only too bad that people usually have children before realizing that they should leave a bad situation. If you're not happy, I say you're doing the right thing. The children will get used to it and it's better than teaching them that they HAVE to stay miserable when they're in a bad situation. But that's just my opinion.
Boneheaded, I think we all make mistkes in life. I think choosing a life partner has to be the biggest decisioin (and scariest) a person can make. Clearly it doesn't always work out. Take it as a lesson. You know where you need improvement, no one needs to tell you that. Own up to these things, accept them in youself and accept that your "perfect mate" probably wasn't so perfect herself.
On a side note, when I saw the title of your post......I thought you were offering her!!! Ha!!
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