Free to a good home.... (marry, hubby, kissing, divorced)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
And really, who gives a flying f*** what her co-workers say? That's a lame argument on her part!
She was trying to validate her opinion/position. Yes it was very lame. I didn't outright call it lame. I just looked at her and said "Yeah and so when was the last time (so and so) was at our house, went out to eat with us or for that matter ever spoken to me?" Then it was "Why are you so angry?"
Yeah Dear your right it is me. I am the problem. I left it at that and left the room.
You have expressed a great amount of self awareness and personal responsibility. I think you have a keen ability to assess your situation a great deal more objectively than most. Sounds to me like you can recognize how ludicrous it is when someone tries to convince you that you are something/someone you're not. They may as well call you a polka-dotted, red-breasted woodpecker-elephant hybrid. It's that desperate and laughable.
After having a huge fight with my soon to be ex, I sat down and asked myself... Self are you really that bad?
Well, you did cheat on her. That's not going to get you any nominations for sainthood.
If you were that great, you wouldn't be her soon to be ex.
Before you move on to a new relationship, I'd suggest you figure out what went wrong with your marriage. If you don't take the time to figure out what you did wrong, you'll just keep on doing it and get the same results.
To be honest, you seem to blame her for your own shortcommings. Which is what my husband did for years and he almost ended up my ex.
BTW, he thought he was ok because he went to counseling for quite a while too. He was shocked when I finally went and the counselors did not agree that I was the one who needed to change. That you went to counseling only says you sought help. It doesn't mean you fixed the problems. My husband tried three times to get me into counseling during our marriage and all three times, I was quickly released. The fourth time I stayed in only because I was dealing with his issues.
The fact is you are the one who cheated on her. If you're so fixed, why'd you do that? At the very least, you have issues with honoring committments because you did not honor your marriage. From your posts here, you take a "devil made me do it" stance and blame your wife for your own actions. I wouldn't call either of those actions the actions of a, mentally, healthy person. At least not one I'd want to date.
Fortunately, for you, you're probably not trying to date anyone like me. I'm, definitely, not your type.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 03-24-2009 at 07:29 PM..
I don't think he's blaming her...
I think he's saying what's happening...yeah yeah...his side, her side and the truth...but it's hard to connect/respect/appreciate someone who friggin laundrylists you everytime you talk....and when asking a question isn't seen as that at all...and your past is thrown in your face...
I applaud you for having gone to therapy and for using this time in your life to become introspective and honest with yourself and about yourself.
I would say just don't engage with her when she starts in again...or at least try not to.
Just my .02
I agree with you. People say it takes two, but it only takes one that won't work at it..to bust it.
If it's only not working at it, one can make a relationship work. As long as there is trust and love, you have a chance. One, however, can destroy trust and once that is gone, you have nothing to base a relationship on.
I think all relationships go through times when one person doesn't work at them for one reason or another. Honestly, I've been pretty incapable of working on mine for a while. I was the only one working on it for many years. The breach of trust because of his affair put a wall up I can't take down. I can't open myself up to being hurt again.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
