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Well I have to say its because the Mother in this case is so desperate to have a man in her life she will cast her child away like he is trash. More concerned about herself then her child.
I could never do such a thing. That is part of the reason I have stayed single, so I can concentrate on my daughter.
One time I had a date with this guy that my coworker set me up with. I made arrangements for my daughter to have a sleep over with a friend. I had NEVER done anything even approaching that and I felt so guilty about it.
I dated an older man who was good with my daughter, she went everywhere we did, out to eat, to Disney, to the movies. When he would come over he would bring take out for all of us, one time even though he thought he wouldn't like taco bell, he brought some over for us.
I'm gonna be the voice against the crowd on this one. Some kids have real problems. Maybe the lady's husband is more into the idea of protecting her, and can see the picture more clearly.
Yes, it would be a horrible thing to marry someone who doesn't like your child. But, if the kid has serious issues, and he's sitting in juvenile court (for not the first time) it's quite possible that step-dad is just approaching the issue without the rose colored glasses, and realizes that he needs more structure than mom and stepdad can provide. Mom could easily be so worn out with dealing with years of problems that she "can't see the forest for the trees" kind of deal. Its possible.
Maybe she married the man because she loved him, and he doesn't like the way her son turned out. Maybe SHE doesn't like the way her son turned out - but she's his mom, and she has to love him unconditionally. Maybe, she doesn't know the difference between unconditional love, and enabling - that's enough to drive a mighty big wedge between parents - biological, step, or any other kind.
I have a whole lot of examples running through my mind, but I'll keep them to myself. Troubled kids are hard to deal with. Its hard not to blame yourself, when there's nothing you can do, and it's also hard TO blame yourself, when you've tried everything you can think of. Its hard to cry yourself to sleep at night playing the what if game, over every choice you've made in their life, and if things could have been different. You can't force a child to behave, you can't force them to care, you can't force them to grow up and look at the real world - all you can do is hope and pray that with the reins pulled in tight enough - they survive until adulthood, and eventually the light bulb clicks, and they start to get it, and grow up. There is no easy answer.
I understand this too, because I have a niece who is bi-polar and is very much out of control right now, and honestly, the whole family needs a break before it ends up broken. But this kid in court was there as a first time offender, and the other kids I'm referring to, the ones where their stepparent refused to take them back home, or did so only reluctantly, are sometimes very sad situations. I've seen kids as young as 12 who have gone to placement for 6 months to a year, run a good program with therapy, etc., and now are ready to go home, and Stepdad says "Absolutely not." And the kid is crushed.
Or, in one case, I saw the stepfather recite a page long list of rules that HAD to be followed or he would bring his stepson right back. He stated this in court. Some of these "dealbreaker" rules were going to bed at 8:00 p.m.(the kid was 16), taking out the garbage every day, cleaning the bathroom every day, not leaving anything on the floor of his room, etc. The list went on and on. I mean what was the point of sending the kid home just so he could fail. I wouldn't be able to follow his strict list of rules as an adult, how would a teenage boy do it to his specifications? Literally, the kid lasted two days at home and ran away. And ended up back in placement because there was no place else to send him. His mom never said a word in court; just let the stepfather run the show. It was sad.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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I hate to sound simplistic but children are also affected by their diets--all the chemicals and crap in the food these days. It causes everything from bi-polar disorder to autism and more. I wish everyone would watch the Gerson Miracle video. It would open America's eyes in a big way. It's on the gersonmiracle.org site. It's long but well worth it. Just think of all the time you spend online anyway. This, at least, has something very useful.
Everybody wants to blame the bipolar or autistic child for everything yet the bipolar and autistic children are the ones with the disabilities. That is like blaming a crippled person for everything or blaming a person with cancer for everything because he or she is sick or can't move around as fast.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy
Everybody wants to blame the bipolar or autistic child for everything yet the bipolar and autistic children are the ones with the disabilities. That is like blaming a crippled person for everything or blaming a person with cancer for everything because he or she is sick or can't move around as fast.
I'm sick of the lack of patience and kindness.
We're a narcissistic society. Not all, of course, but enough to get we saints--uh, eh, erm....the rest of us riled up.
Everybody wants to blame the bipolar or autistic child for everything yet the bipolar and autistic children are the ones with the disabilities. That is like blaming a crippled person for everything or blaming a person with cancer for everything because he or she is sick or can't move around as fast.
I'm sick of the lack of patience and kindness.
Its the Mother who is bipolar, not the kids. She has no business taking care of them in the shape she is in.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren
Its the Mother who is bipolar, not the kids. She has no business taking care of them in the shape she is in.
There's help for getting and keeping that under control--if she'll go for it. However, if this is a real story, the damage is done and maybe she needs to let daddy take over to get the kids in shape--for their own health and well-being.
I can't see how any parent could choose a sex partner over their own children. I guess it's the sex -- getting laid means more to this woman than her children, but it's likely the case with their father also but he wasn't mentioned.
There's help for getting and keeping that under control--if she'll go for it. However, if this is a real story, the damage is done and maybe she needs to let daddy take over to get the kids in shape--for their own health and well-being.
I'm sorry but my comment was for another thread, I guess I am MORE tired then I realized. Please ignore more completely.
same reason they had the kids they wana be married.
yeah they need to work on their own stuff and that means being alone
and that is the one thing they cannot bear, ever, the big empty.
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