Why do people marry people who don't accept their children?

[thatsong64]

Because they care more about getting love, acceptance, and attention from a partner than they care about thier kids.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by malamute

It's like someone else on here once posted - the kids and the spouse are in different spots, it shouldn't be about competing for one spot.

They should be in different spots, but in many marriages the kids are allowed to act as substitute spouses and run the households.

[malamute]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

They should be in different spots, but in many marriages the kids are allowed to act as substitute spouses and run the households.

Yes that's true. Often the children are "helping" run the household, making decisions that normally the other parent would make and the children will resent someone coming in and usurping their authority.

The little boy has now become the man of the house or the little girl is the woman of the house and the competition starts when someone else tries to move in.

I've seen a step children situation work out quite well however but the girls were with their mother who wasn't very stable, their father had already married - not for long but long enough that the couple had their own relationship before his daughters came to live with them.

Or if the step parent is a saint. One couple I know - she had 4 kids and their father was in the picture but very little - just enough for problems, not enough to pay child support, he had 3 kids who lived with his ex. He ended up supporting 7 kids - his own and hers but when her eldest son would challenge his authority, telling him flat out he wasn't his dad, the step father would just agree and then invite him to do some father-son activity. Every time the eldest son would throw up that he had his own dad - who rarely saw him, the step father would allow that and never put down the bio-dad even though he wasn't the one providing for the kids. And he would always include her kids in when he did things with his own kids.

It requires extra-maturity I think to have an 8 year old put you in your place, throw in the other mostly missing parent frequently and remain calm and parent-like all the time and understand the child does this because he wishes the other parent was more - not because the child deep down believes it.

[Childfree35]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

It's always amazed me that in English (or at least here; not sure how it is in the other English-speaking countries) a couple is called "a married couple" and then when they have children they become "a family." To me the primary relationship in any working marriage is between the husband and the wife regardless of whether all the kids are their own or not. Kids are not supposed to run households; adults are. Kids are supposed to have limits; adults are to set them. Children come into your life, spend some time with you, and then go on their own. The "family" should be the long-lasting relationship between the husband and the wife and the agreement between them. They have to represent an united front; not biological parents siding with their children and giving in to all their unreasonable demands while "accepting" somebody to "join" their already-existing "family" as an unimportant appendix to it.

This is way my marriage failed. It was me and them. My xhubs didn't reinforce what was said. I always felt it was me against them. We never came together as a family. We had the unruly children and the meddling xwife. We separated/divorced. The kids grew and thought about their behavior toward me. Apologized to their father.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by Childfree35

The kids grew and thought about their behavior toward me. Apologized to their father.

Surprisingly enough, my ex step-monster also apologized and begged me to come back. We were already divorced and I was engaged, but she didn't know that (I took off my ring before I met her; didn't want to rub it in their faces after all). I doubt she'd gotten a sudden revelation... Probably life with even more miserable Daddy wasn't fun at all.

[THANKGOODNESSIMFABULOUS]

My sister recently got engaged on this past Christmas. They live out of state, and I have only meet one of her three kids with her ex-husband. But I have heard from her and my mother that her future husband does not like when her kids are around. I am married and have children that are not my SO, and all though we don't agree on everything when it comes to the kids they where here first and will be there always.

[Buburuza13]

because she is a stupid,uneducated womam..for her is a penis first and not her kids..

very simple answer