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You honestly make good points. However I would argue that the wife has some responsibility in the matter also. The wife needs to communicate directly, down front, to their husband's face that she is not getting needs met. No sighs, no hmmpn and walking off, be brutally honest with the husband. Men do not pick these things up very well. Your doctor can't treat something that is wrong with your body if you don't tell him. Husbands can't make effort to fix what's wrong if they don't know what is wrong.
So true. I wish it were so that women and men could speak the same language. One of the things that I had to learn was to ask my wife. We have a family finance meeting every other Thursday to discuss where we are at financially, what bills we have, our retirement accounts, and then what the kids needs are. After that I ask her how I am doing as a husband and then I listen. In the past I have taken notes. It took a while to get this down and make it a part of who we are. Personally I think women are more in tune with that sort of thing. I don't go in looking like it is a tear down session, because it is not. My wife loves me and has my best interest at heart. I have become a better man because of her. For me I see it as a time to learn how to improve on who I am.
So true. I wish it were so that women and men could speak the same language. One of the things that I had to learn was to ask my wife. We have a family finance meeting every other Thursday to discuss where we are at financially, what bills we have, our retirement accounts, and then what the kids needs are. After that I ask her how I am doing as a husband and then I listen. In the past I have taken notes. It took a while to get this down and make it a part of who we are. Personally I think women are more in tune with that sort of thing. I don't go in looking like it is a tear down session, because it is not. My wife loves me and has my best interest at heart. I have become a better man because of her. For me I see it as a time to learn how to improve on who I am.
Would you be willing to give lessons to some of the young men here?
Seriously, good for you.
At this rate your marriage will never need an expiration date
Thank you for sharing that you are in fact someone with Asperger's. Your comments and viewpoints can be better understood in that context
You say marriages like some of us here have seem like "fairy tales" to you, and that you "just can't understand" how women trust their husbands.
I would just ask you to try hard to accept that your inability to understand these concepts is due to your Asperger's.
And instead of arguing with other posters and insisting that faithful men don't exist, try to understand that your views are indeed tainted by your condition and your horrible life experiences, and those views are not always trustworthy or at all accurate.
I KNOW this is not your reality, but it IS reality for lots of us.
Absolutely! I understand now why she feels the way she feels. Had I known before, it would be different.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SOON2BNSURPRISE
So true. I wish it were so that women and men could speak the same language. One of the things that I had to learn was to ask my wife. We have a family finance meeting every other Thursday to discuss where we are at financially, what bills we have, our retirement accounts, and then what the kids needs are. After that I ask her how I am doing as a husband and then I listen. In the past I have taken notes. It took a while to get this down and make it a part of who we are. Personally I think women are more in tune with that sort of thing. I don't go in looking like it is a tear down session, because it is not. My wife loves me and has my best interest at heart. I have become a better man because of her. For me I see it as a time to learn how to improve on who I am.
This is not only a good plan for marriage but a sound business plan also. I give you a lot of credit, you are definitely more of a good partner than I am right now.
I don't think a marriage license should have an expiration date. I am looking at this from a Catholic perspective. When you make those wedding vows, you are making an agreement with God as well. That's how I look at it. You do not abuse your spouse or cheat on your spouse. If you do that, you have not lived up to your end of the vows.
I don't think a marriage license should have an expiration date. I am looking at this from a Catholic perspective. When you make those wedding vows, you are making an agreement with God as well. That's how I look at it. You do not abuse your spouse or cheat on your spouse. If you do that, you have not lived up to your end of the vows.
I think it's about time that we drew a line in the sand about this issue.
A civil marriage has to do with legalities, with the division of assets upon dissolution and about the distribution of assets, upon death, to the legally recognized offspring.
The civil marriage contract should last as long as the two parties agree and should be renewable as long as the two parties agree.
People who choose to have an additional ceremony, though some religious institution, should try to abide by that set of regulations.
It is still a matter of personal choice.
I think marriages seek differing levels depending upon how much alike the two parties think. Some people marry with similar ideas about how a family should be set up and how the home should operate and just take over the functions that each party thinks he should be performing and there is very little conversation of these things necessary. Some couples require a lot of conversation and compromises about these things.
Sex is a very strange thing in that I don't believe that we all, chemically or biologically, are the same in that area. I think we are all over the spectrum in our wants and needs in that area. I think most gays and child molesters and rapists are born with various degrees of predisposition towards these things. Most gays, like most heteros, harm no one but the rest must be secluded from society.
In a similar vein, some people are into dominance or submission or role playing or cross dressing. Well, maybe some just require different partners from time to time. Sometimes these things happen and the spouse just does not know about it and it does not harm the marriage.
Ever heard of the down low? Some guys (and women) have periodic flings with the same sex outside of their marriage.
All I am saying is that there are all sorts of relationships and needs and sometimes people marry before they even know how 'odd' they are.
A marriage, when you get right down to its essence, is not about religion or the law or society. It boils down to the agreement of two unique people to try to walk through life together, supporting and helping and being there for each other, even when the going gets rough. THAT is the basic contract. We can each tolerate some/most/all of the other's idiosyncrasies, usually, if we try hard enough.
Frankly, if I had a little fling every now and then, I would wish that my husband would, as well. If I were faithful, then I would wish the same of my partner. I think that's called compatibility and understanding and tolerance.
There is nothing, in my opinion, wrong with renewing the contract, especially since the wealth in a family can change. Maybe it should be tied into a renewal of the prenup and will?
I didn't start out like that. It took a long time for me to learn the lessons I am talking about. I had a great teacher in my wife though. Also plenty of possitive examples from my own dad and mom who are working on their 2nd 50 years of marriage. My dad at 72 still gets the door for my mom. I remember growing up that we could have got into an argument with our dad, not that it would have been successfull on our part, but just try and get into an argument with our mom, espescially when he was near by. That would end in dissaster for us kids. My dad loves my mom and not even kids can mess that up. She comes first in my dads life and always has.
Still I bet you anyone could learn the same lessons over time.
I think it's about time that we drew a line in the sand about this issue.
A civil marriage has to do with legalities, with the division of assets upon dissolution and about the distribution of assets, upon death, to the legally recognized offspring.
The civil marriage contract should last as long as the two parties agree and should be renewable as long as the two parties agree.
People who choose to have an additional ceremony, though some religious institution, should try to abide by that set of regulations.
It is still a matter of personal choice.
I think marriages seek differing levels depending upon how much alike the two parties think. Some people marry with similar ideas about how a family should be set up and how the home should operate and just take over the functions that each party thinks he should be performing and there is very little conversation of these things necessary. Some couples require a lot of conversation and compromises about these things.
Sex is a very strange thing in that I don't believe that we all, chemically or biologically, are the same in that area. I think we are all over the spectrum in our wants and needs in that area. I think most gays and child molesters and rapists are born with various degrees of predisposition towards these things. Most gays, like most heteros, harm no one but the rest must be secluded from society.
In a similar vein, some people are into dominance or submission or role playing or cross dressing. Well, maybe some just require different partners from time to time. Sometimes these things happen and the spouse just does not know about it and it does not harm the marriage.
Ever heard of the down low? Some guys (and women) have periodic flings with the same sex outside of their marriage.
All I am saying is that there are all sorts of relationships and needs and sometimes people marry before they even know how 'odd' they are.
A marriage, when you get right down to its essence, is not about religion or the law or society. It boils down to the agreement of two unique people to try to walk through life together, supporting and helping and being there for each other, even when the going gets rough. THAT is the basic contract. We can each tolerate some/most/all of the other's idiosyncrasies, usually, if we try hard enough.
Frankly, if I had a little fling every now and then, I would wish that my husband would, as well. If I were faithful, then I would wish the same of my partner. I think that's called compatibility and understanding and tolerance.
There is nothing, in my opinion, wrong with renewing the contract, especially since the wealth in a family can change. Maybe it should be tied into a renewal of the prenup and will?
What is the point of having a marriage if it's not a lifetime commitment. If you don't want a lifetime commitment - don't get married. Just live together. You don't HAVE to get married. It's not a requirement to have a relationship with someone. I don't see any point in having an expiration date on something whose sole purpose is to last until death do us part.
So true. I wish it were so that women and men could speak the same language. One of the things that I had to learn was to ask my wife. We have a family finance meeting every other Thursday to discuss where we are at financially, what bills we have, our retirement accounts, and then what the kids needs are. After that I ask her how I am doing as a husband and then I listen.In the past I have taken notes. It took a while to get this down and make it a part of who we are. Personally I think women are more in tune with that sort of thing. I don't go in looking like it is a tear down session, because it is not. My wife loves me and has my best interest at heart. I have become a better man because of her. For me I see it as a time to learn how to improve on who I am.
yea right, you totally did that.
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