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Reminds me of a recent conversation I had with a girl I was introduced to. Yeah she is 24 I am 30 but all she talked about was herself and barely asked me anything and when she did you could tell, she wasn't overly interested just wanted to rant about herself. Think this is not an uncommon characteristic of her generation.
She is 6 years younger than you and is in a different generation than you? I understand that you wanted to make a sweeping generalization about girls younger than you, but you are in 'her generation'. And you also have to consider the fact that maybe she was not interested in you enough to ask you questions. Did you want her to feign interest in you?
As to the second point, if one person isn't talking about themself, the other person is . Unless we talk about the weather or the economy or some other inane BS. The point is to balance it out so it is not one sided. If you are NEVER talking about yourself then the other person would be always talking about them selves so same problem different way round.
The best thing to do is just be honest about everything you say or do and not be a fake. If people don't respect you for that then it's their loss. People bore me and drain my energy these days though and most aren't worth talking too, particularly the types who tell us how to do everything. I say it's better to learn from your experiences and mistakes than have some pretentious ego belch down checklists on how to do this that or the other.
Tell me cpg35223 do you really care about other people's ability to hold a conversation or do you just find the issue that inconveniencing so as to need to fulfill your ego by telling us all what we should be doing? Seriously.
And that's a question BTW before anyone starts getting offended and cries to the mods.
Oh, Dick. You're taking me to task for being pretentious? Yet you then talk about how boring and draining people are, as if you can't be bothered with them. The irony is lost on you, I guess.
Let me spell it out for you. There have been a slew of threads on this board authored by people who can't seem to initiate the most basic conversation with others. So we tell them to 'be themselves' and other fundamental stuff, and then they come back with an endless series of questions, such as "Okay, she said, 'Hello,' but did so with a downward lilt to the voice, so should I ask her opinion of the weather or politics?" What's more, your conversation should indeed be steered towards the other person. And if the other person is content to talk about themselves endlessly rather than steer things back to you, then that's a big, fat red flag right away.
So yeah, annoyed by an entire slew of these questions, I finally jotted down some commonsense things to consider. You can call it ego all you want (Except it seems you have your own issues in that department), or you can call it a public service. But it's pretty apparent that any number of people who inhabit this forum seem to have a tough time even saying "Good morning" to the cashier at McDonalds. How on earth does one get to that point in life?
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Okay. Seems like the theme of the day on this forum is the inability to hold a conversation with anybody. What do I say? How do I say it? Will she think I'm a creep? Tell me how long to maintain eye contact, right down to the millisecond.
What is wrong here? Are we all turning into the social equivalent of Thalidomide children? How the heck has the Art of Conversation become such a rare commodity? Why do so many people need to be coached in its fundamentals? Any theories from the studio audience?
As a public service, let me take a crack at this with some points:
1) A successful conversation is about the other person, not you. You are trying to learn about them, not advertise yourself.
2) A conversation is an end unto itself. It's not about bedding the other person or getting something from them. It's just a pleasant exchange.
3) If you ask a question of somebody, make it open ended. For example, in reply to another thread, if you are interested in what somebody does for a living, then ask them the simple question, "What about your job do you enjoy so much?" They will then tell you everything you wanted to know, and will probably give you a ton of other things to discuss.
4) Eye contact should be extended, but not to the point of discomfort. For staring is rude.
5) Be relaxed.
6) Inject a little humor into the conversation. Earnest discussions are good, but need the occasional levity.
7) If it's somebody you think is really attractive, don't allow yourself to be totally impressed with them. After all, they're human beings, too.
Anybody else have good advice for the socially inept?
I have read your thoughts and sorry to disagree but there can be successful converstaion without it being about anyone. And your second point is very generalized, all conversations end at some point one way or another. Your third point is stated as if its a high pressure sale strategy? If two people have common interest in one another or something in general the conversation will flow. Eye contact is almost a necessary process when two people hold a conversation. You suggest extended eye contact but not to stare, define extended plz.... You go on to suggest to everyone to be relaxed, for all readers here try to remember the last time you held a conversation where you weren't relaxed. On and on so sorry agan if I disagree.....thats my conversation
Oh, Dick. You're taking me to task for being pretentious? Yet you then talk about how boring and draining people are, as if you can't be bothered with them. The irony is lost on you, I guess.
Let me spell it out for you. There have been a slew of threads on this board authored by people who can't seem to initiate the most basic conversation with others. So we tell them to 'be themselves' and other fundamental stuff, and then they come back with an endless series of questions, such as "Okay, she said, 'Hello,' but did so with a downward lilt to the voice, so should I ask her opinion of the weather or politics?" What's more, your conversation should indeed be steered towards the other person. And if the other person is content to talk about themselves endlessly rather than steer things back to you, then that's a big, fat red flag right away.
So yeah, annoyed by an entire slew of these questions, I finally jotted down some commonsense things to consider. You can call it ego all you want (Except it seems you have your own issues in that department), or you can call it a public service. But it's pretty apparent that any number of people who inhabit this forum seem to have a tough time even saying "Good morning" to the cashier at McDonalds. How on earth does one get to that point in life?
A lot of things annoy you, cpg, from the church to C/D
I have read your thoughts and sorry to disagree but there can be successful converstaion without it being about anyone. And your second point is very generalized, all conversations end at some point one way or another. Your third point is stated as if its a high pressure sale strategy? If two people have common interest in one another or something in general the conversation will flow. Eye contact is almost a necessary process when two people hold a conversation. You suggest extended eye contact but not to stare, define extended plz.... You go on to suggest to everyone to be relaxed, for all readers here try to remember the last time you held a conversation where you weren't relaxed. On and on so sorry agan if I disagree.....thats my conversation
And that's totally fine to disagree. See? We just had a conversation. And, if we met in person, we would probably have a fun exchange of views.
But my larger point here is that there are people on their board who are asking ridiculous questions on simply conversing with somebody. This is not rocket science.
Oh, Dick. You're taking me to task for being pretentious? Yet you then talk about how boring and draining people are, as if you can't be bothered with them. The irony is lost on you, I guess.
No irony here, just right to the point straight talk, people like you always lose in the end. Lose the lot that you have and you will snap like a dry stick.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Let me spell it out for you.
Yes thanks, as if I am a two year old. Took me earning a good degree and pilot training by the age of 21 to need to have things I am already competent at (holding a conversation) spelled out to me. Ego again. As for me, I have no problem initiating conversations at all. It is only when I even do make the move to talk to some people, not all, that I find out how utterly draining it can be. Isn't life tricky?
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
There have been a slew of threads on this board authored by people who can't seem to initiate the most basic conversation with others. So we tell them to 'be themselves' and other fundamental stuff, and then they come back with an endless series of questions, such as "Okay, she said, 'Hello,' but did so with a downward lilt to the voice, so should I ask her opinion of the weather or politics?" What's more, your conversation should indeed be steered towards the other person. And if the other person is content to talk about themselves endlessly rather than steer things back to you, then that's a big, fat red flag right away.
So yeah, annoyed by an entire slew of these questions, I finally jotted down some commonsense things to consider. You can call it ego all you want (Except it seems you have your own issues in that department), or you can call it a public service. But it's pretty apparent that any number of people who inhabit this forum seem to have a tough time even saying "Good morning" to the cashier at McDonalds. How on earth does one get to that point in life?
Good, let them get on with it. If they are already so poor at holding a conversation as if they are going to listen to the likes of you and change their ways because master coward fake pseudonym told them so on a forum board.
Did you not read the word "balance" I said? Clearly not. I said there should be a balance of people talking about themselves equally, not "the other person is content to talk about themselves endlessly rather than steer things back to you", read it again.
Oh Dick? Who's he? Because I actually use my real name. Like my address too? 50 Park court, Park Street, Lincoln, Lincolnshire, England UK. I've got nothing to hide!
Nice call on the "Dick" slew, how original You must be very clever, my my! The name is "Richard", call me Richard or get lost. Calling people silly names shows how immature you are, and me oh my, for 46, you should know better! Where is your name by the way? Hide behind a pseudonym of letters and numbers like a coward.
I'm not the only one here on this board who is sick and tired of you and your pretentious nonsense telling people how to do this and that and not letting them learn for themselves, I should know that through other messages people have sent me. You think you are God's gift to this board, face it.
Did you not read the word "balance" I said? Clearly not. I said there should be a balance of people talking about themselves equally, not "the other person is content to talk about themselves endlessly rather than steer things back to you", read it again.
As for me, I have no problem initiating conversations at all. It is only when I even do make the move to talk to some people, not all, that I find out how utterly draining it can be.
Nice call on the "Dick" slew by the way, how original You must be very clever, my my! The name is "Richard", call me Richard or get lost. Where is your name by the way? Hide behind a pseudonym of letters and numbers like a coward.
I'm not the only one here on this board who is sick and tired of you and your pretentious nonsense telling people how to do this and that and not letting them learn for themselves, I should know that through other messages people have sent me. You think you are God's gift the this board, face it.
No irony here, just right to the point straight talk, people like you always lose in the end. Lose the lot that you have and you will snap like a dry stick.
Well, let's get right down to it, shall we? This is a Relationship Forum. You know, the place where people's opinions are solicited. Hmmmmm. In other words, we're supposed to contribute our thoughts based on our experiences in life. And, quite frankly, I'm contributing nicely to the board. And if you don't care for my opinions, then don't read them. Sorry that your fragile little sensibilities were offended by them.
Now, what I love is this ominous "you will snap like a dry stick" comment at the end. Seems like you sent me a similar DM like that a few months back in defense of a certain poster on here, whose own judgmental attitudes, shrill demeanor, manipulating of other people's posts and continuous puling to the mods over the most trivial statements got her wrist slapped, and she went whining to you as a result. Way to brown nose there, scooter. Because since you almost never post on this forum, it would have to be at her behest. Good Lord, grow a pair already.
Oh, and since it matters to you so much, my first name is Conrad.
Well, let's get right down to it, shall we? This is a Relationship Forum. You know, the place where people's opinions are solicited. Hmmmmm. In other words, we're supposed to contribute our thoughts based on our experiences in life. And, quite frankly, I'm contributing nicely to the board. And if you don't care for my opinions, then don't read them. Sorry that your fragile little sensibilities were offended by them.
Now, what I love is this ominous "you will snap like a dry stick" comment at the end. Seems like you sent me a similar DM like that a few months back in defense of a certain poster on here, whose own judgmental attitudes, shrill demeanor, manipulating of other people's posts and continuous puling to the mods over the most trivial statements got her wrist slapped, and she went whining to you as a result. Way to brown nose there, scooter. Because since you almost never post on this forum, it would have to be at her behest. Good Lord, grow a pair already.
Oh, and since it matters to you so much, my first name is Conrad.
Offended? I am not "offended" by the likes of you or your opinions. I propose that people learn their life's lesson for themself without being preached to by some stuck up nobody on a forum.
Oh and I "have a pair". Like a photo? You could ogle over it on your office desk.
Well your comments beg the question, who the heck listens to you anyway? Weak people with a low level of conciousness who cannot think for themselves.
My previous post to you was nothing to do with anybody else on this forum, just your attitude, and what I said still holds true. One day you will find out what I mean. Brown nose? Er, no, I have a clear conscience and once the past has happened, it has happened, I concentrate on the present thank you very much, so you can leave my pretty pink nose alone, got it?
I went on a date similar to that. The guy talked non-stop about himself. Then at the end of the date he pointed out a small bald spot on his head and kept talking about it, my guess is that maneuver was supposed to scare me away. Never heard back from him, even though I sat through nearly 2 hours of his non-stop self absorbed talking.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dave nz
Reminds me of a recent conversation I had with a girl I was introduced to. Yeah she is 24 I am 30 but all she talked about was herself and barely asked me anything and when she did you could tell, she wasn't overly interested just wanted to rant about herself. Think this is not an uncommon characteristic of her generation.
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You must be very clever, my my! The name is "Richard", call me Richard or get lost. Calling people silly names shows how immature you are, and me oh my, for 46, you should know better! Where is your name by the way? Hide behind a pseudonym of letters and numbers like a coward. 
