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That's shyness....it's a social anxiety and it's tied up with self-worth.
It amuses me when someone who clearly has always been outgoing gives advice such as: "be relaxed"; ah yes, if it was that simple. If you can't empathize with people, then you're not going to be helpful, just condescending. While everyone else works on their conversation skills, maybe you should work on your compassion.
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Best advice I've ever been given for shyness:
-Become so absorbed in the other person that you lose yourself. Then you will not be so self-conscious and can come off more naturally. Even when you are talking, keep your focus on them (their appearance & reactions).
-Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Example: If you think "I'm stupid and unlikeable and will make a fool of myself if I talk to that person", then immediately say to yourself "No, I have a lot to offer as a friend, I'm a good listener, and I am knowledgeable on a lot of subjects". If you counter every bad thought with a good one, then your confidence in yourself will grow, and again, the fear will subside a bit.
Wow, i'm glad at least SOMEONE brought up the shyness factor in this ridiculous thread. just because some of you are completely comfortable talking to anybody all the time about anything doesn't mean the rest of the world is!
I did admit at the very outset that I have/had a particular trait of every one of those characters in my internet exploits, so there's no question of re-admission
A "real" adult behind that handle
Hey, I can laugh at myself. Can you laugh at yourselves?
Hey, I can laugh at myself. Can you laugh at yourselves?
Is this a mood dampener?
Anyway, you've been bullying too much in a relationships forum. Relationships???
You might wanna come over to R&P forum and live with the "real" bullies as I, if I can laugh at myself. Let's leave the good looking ladies and the young fellows here to discuss their insecurities and better themselves in real life, so they aren't "socially inept" like you said.
I do see this trend in this forum. Do you guys have a "Godfather of the Relationships forum" pageant every once in a while?
Sierra, this indeed is conversation I'm trying to teach cpg that wisdom is an attribute others give on others, not on themselves.
Anyway, you've been bullying too much in a relationships forum. Relationships???
You might wanna come over to R&P forum and live with the "real" bullies as I, if I can laugh at myself.
I do see this trend in this forum. Do you guys have a "Godfather of the Relationships forum" pageant every once in a while?
Sierra, this indeed is conversation I'm trying to teach cpg that wisdom is an attribute others give on others, not on themselves.
Bullying? Oh, how funny. Just because I don't treat this forum like a tea party? This isn't a Parisian salon. It's a place where people come to kick around ideas on how to deal with others. In my real life, I'm pretty much the soul of diplomacy. I'm the guy who gets sent in to deal with delicate situations, and I'm the guy who gets called on to come in and mend problems within my client's organizations. In fact, I probably would have made a pretty good hostage negotiator. But, here, I'm going to speak my mind. And, quite frankly, I enjoy a good spirited discussion with others. If you take such things personally, then you've come to the wrong place.
And, getting back to the original point of this post, if I read ten different threads by people who are looking for the magic solution to holding a conversation with others, then I'm probably going to hand out a dose of tough love. After all, there are people on whom subtlety is lost, such as people who hold conversations in church (Which is the real point of your obsession. Just let it go), and only a direct approach seems to work. Perhaps if you weren't so busy condescending as the ultimate arbiter of goodness and light on the board, you'd understand that.
Oh, what a bunch of condescending nonsense. I laugh at you.
Re-quote me and laugh more, I did edit some lines Do you refresh every 30 seconds frantical to spill yourself over your detractors?
That's condescending? Please re-read this thread and you'll find who's condescending.
Also, when someone sends you a DM, when you publicize it, you are violating the trust someone places on you. This is one of the first rules in relationships - inter-personal etiquette.
Re-quote me and laugh more, I did edit some lines Do you refresh every 30 seconds frantical to spill yourself over your detractors?
That's condescending? Please re-read this thread and you'll find who's condescending.
Also, when someone sends you a DM, when you publicize it, you are violating the trust someone places on you. This is one of the first rules in relationships - inter-personal etiquette.
Ah. So really what we have here is a cage match between two condescending prigs. Hey, I'll admit to being one from time to time. But can you?
And, if you must know, the DM that was sent my way was undeserving of that consideration. I don't mind being taken to task in a private manner. But I sure won't put up with the nonsense the poster in question chose to dish out.
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just because some of you are completely comfortable talking to anybody all the time about anything doesn't mean the rest of the world is!
