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Old 04-10-2010, 10:23 AM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,137,989 times
Reputation: 13485

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Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1 View Post
Hi Braunwyn,

The point of mandatory testing is so that it is not an accusation. There are lots of honest women, but unfortunately some of them lie. I would also demand that one can explicitly opt out if they choose, and that the DNA profiles be discarded after the test. There is no need for a database or any need to force people to take the test. It simply changes the default procedure. Since its such a simple test, and hospitals have made mistakes, upon exiting both parents should be tested. Wristbands are nice and all but are in the stone age. A child needs to know its parentage to prevent any tragedies down the road and to have a possible health resource. Some men will take it very badly if they find out later. Sooner is better than later.

Newborns Switched at Birth in Illinois Hospital
It happened in Illinois, with two moms each leaving the hospital with the wrong baby boy.
Two newborn baby boys were born hours apart on March 28.
But one of their first experiences in this world went wrong.
The only reason why we would not use the best technology to prevent this is because of the agenda.
I'm not opposed to DNA testing to prevent switches at the hospital. If that were the argument you wouldn't find me objecting. I'm opposed to the assertion that it should be done to make sure mom didn't cheat. That will never fly with me.

If the purpose is to protect unknowing men from paternity fraud, lets go back to the STD analogy, which is a far better analogy imo. HIV can kill. STDs within marriages probably happens at the same rates (at the very least) as paternity fraud. Why not mandate men to have yearly blood tests, and women for that matter, to insure the safety of every couple given that death or physical illness is normally deemed the greatest harm to a person? Gosh, I think I read that ~50% of both genders report cheating while married. Huge life threatening risks there. Where are the cries for mandates? They're no where to be found. Why? Because this issue, as with most arguments noted on this forum when it comes to women, is wearing a plastic face of 'protection', but I see right thought it.

It's about a need for control, power, and to ease broken hearts.

 
Old 04-10-2010, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Homeless
1,203 posts, read 1,978,186 times
Reputation: 516
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Once he has established himself as the legal father, he's the legal father. There is no, it's five years later so I think I'll have a DNA test now because we're getting a divorce. I'm sorry if you were stupid enough to trust someone whom you shouldn't have trusted. Obviously, you should have picked better but once your bed is made, or should I say the child's bed, it's made. What kind of man puts a child through that?

Children are not trash to be taken out in a divorce. Being a father is more than one sperm. Honestly, if they came to me today and told me one of my kids might not be mine, I would not have the test. I would want to meet the other child (since in my case it would have to be a baby mix up) but I would never take away being my children's mother from them or take away from the other child they have a mother. I would leave that hope until they were adults. I probably wouldn't even tell the children. We'd just have this family we know that we go to see now and again who happen to have a daughter born on the same day in the same hospital. I'd probably lie to my kids and say we met in Lamaze class and found each other again.

My kids have grown in my heart. There was no walking away or giving them back after 5 years. I can't even wrap my brain around how a man can do this. Honestly, I woudln't want to know once I'd established myself as the child's mother. It would be too painful for all to find out the child really wasn't mine and the child's world would be shattered beyond repair.

I have a deep respect for my husband for raising a child who is not his as his own. The only reason my ss was ever told was that we, mistakenly, thought it might help him understand why his mother abandoned him. Unfortunately, it just alienated him from his father so now he has no family. I'd take that one back in a heart beat if I could.

Why don't these "fathers" (I use the term lightly here) care about these children? Can they only care about a child who has their DNA?
Intriguing points.
Quite a few ladies would be outraged and leave the man if he asked for the test up front. Because they would feel he did not trust them.
Yet some of the same ones call a man stupid if he trusts the wrong woman.

With that situation its best that the man secretly get the test done at the beginning and then if its not his child leave her.
Because its proof of adultery.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,438,093 times
Reputation: 14692
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
I'm not opposed to DNA testing to prevent switches at the hospital. If that were the argument you wouldn't find me objecting. I'm opposed to the assertion that it should be done to make sure mom didn't cheat. That will never fly with me.

If the purpose is to protect unknowing men from paternity fraud, lets go back to the STD analogy, which is a far better analogy imo. HIV can kill. STDs within marriages probably happens at the same rates (at the very least) as paternity fraud. Why not mandate men to have yearly blood tests, and women for that matter, to insure the safety of every couple given that death or physical illness is normally deemed the greatest harm to a person? Gosh, I think I read that ~50% of both genders report cheating while married. Huge life threatening risks there. Where are the cries for mandates? They're no where to be found. Why? Because this issue, as with most arguments noted on this forum when it comes to women, is wearing a plastic face of 'protection', but I see right thought it.

It's about a need for control, power, and to ease broken hearts.
I think you nailed it. It's about control and payback.

I had an ex fiance cheat on me an pass an infection to me that killed the baby I was carrying and left me fighting for my life. Then I was told I would, probably, never be able to have kids. While I'm angry at him, it never dawned on me to cry that all men should be tested regularly to make sure they don't pass nasty bugs to unsuspecting fiance's. I just packed my bags and got out of a bad relationship. When you realize you've hooked up with an untrustworthy person, you leave and try not to make the same mistake again.

You know, it never dawned on me to think my husband would cheat on me because my ex did. They are two different people.

Last edited by Ivorytickler; 04-10-2010 at 10:49 AM..
 
Old 04-10-2010, 10:38 AM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,137,989 times
Reputation: 13485
Quote:
Originally Posted by nichirenx View Post
Intriguing points.
Quite a few ladies would be outraged and leave the man if he asked for the test up front. Because they would feel he did not trust them.
Yet some of the same ones call a man stupid if he trusts the wrong woman.
It's true that they might be stupid on some level. What I am sure of is that it wouldn't dawn on my dh to ask for such a thing. He knows exactly who he's married to and frankly, many here probably won't be so fortunate because the caliber of woman that will spend time with them probably fits a specific scope of character. With that in mind, some of you might be in a catch-22. Either way you go, you're damned.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Homeless
1,203 posts, read 1,978,186 times
Reputation: 516
Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1 View Post
Hi Braunwyn,

You just proved the argument. That is exactly what women will do. The test will not be done, some women will lie, and some men will believe them. Everyone in prison is innocent. Not everyone is you. So you have just destroyed the argument that some men can insist on the test.
Its funny.
The street guys i grew up around told me to never fully trust anyone but myself.
I have not been on earth as long as a lot of people, but from my own experience and observations, those guys were dead on solid.


Maybe we should throw out the mandatory idea and just make a sounder DNA test that has less of a chance of being tampered with or mixed up.

And keep things as they are.
The wise men can just either ask up front or get it done secretly.
The sucke... I mean good guys can just raise the children they are dealt.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 10:42 AM
 
Location: My Private Island
4,941 posts, read 8,310,322 times
Reputation: 12283
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
I'm not opposed to DNA testing to prevent switches at the hospital. If that were the argument you wouldn't find me objecting. I'm opposed to the assertion that it should be done to make sure mom didn't cheat. That will never fly with me.

If the purpose is to protect unknowing men from paternity fraud, lets go back to the STD analogy, which is a far better analogy imo. HIV can kill. STDs within marriages probably happens at the same rates (at the very least) as paternity fraud. Why not mandate men to have yearly blood tests, and women for that matter, to insure the safety of every couple given that death or physical illness is normally deemed the greatest harm to a person? Gosh, I think I read that ~50% of both genders report cheating while married. Huge life threatening risks there. Where are the cries for mandates? They're no where to be found. Why? Because this issue, as with most arguments noted on this forum when it comes to women, is wearing a plastic face of 'protection', but I see right thought it.

It's about a need for control, power, and to ease broken hearts.

Can we play this to music??.........yes, it sounds THAT good!
 
Old 04-10-2010, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,438,093 times
Reputation: 14692
Quote:
Originally Posted by nichirenx View Post
Intriguing points.
Quite a few ladies would be outraged and leave the man if he asked for the test up front. Because they would feel he did not trust them.
Yet some of the same ones call a man stupid if he trusts the wrong woman.

With that situation its best that the man secretly get the test done at the beginning and then if its not his child leave her.
Because its proof of adultery.
You keep evading one of my questions. Why would I want to stay with a man who just declared me a lying, cheating, ho? Give me one good reason I want to be with someone who thinks so little of me?

Yes, I'd be outraged to find that's what my dh thinks of me and yes, I'd be out the door. He'd get his paternity test because I would not let my child's paternity be quesioned but we'd be over. He can choose what he wants and he gets to live with the consequences whichever way they go. I guess you can call him stupid either way but it's irrelevent. He makes his choice and lives with the consequences. Your problem is you want your cake and to eat it too. You want to call us lying, cheating, ho's and have us still care about you. THAT is not going to happen.

I would suggest you be very careful who you sleep with. However, you should call her a cheating, lying ho from the beginning so she knows what you think of her. She deserves that much.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Homeless
1,203 posts, read 1,978,186 times
Reputation: 516
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
It's true that they might be stupid on some level. What I am sure of is that it wouldn't dawn on my dh to ask for such a thing. He knows exactly who he's married to and frankly, many here probably won't be so fortunate because the caliber of woman that will spend time with them probably fits a specific scope of character. With that in mind, some of you might be in a catch-22. Either way you go, you're damned.
Caliber of woman?
By this you mean that there is a certain general type of woman who will never stray?
Or is it that you and some of the ones on this board can only say that being individuals?

I am wondering how to spot a cheating woman dead on.
Psych class teaches you how to read people, if you get military or police interrogation training it goes more in depth.

Is there a list of traits that can assure a man his woman will not cheat?
 
Old 04-10-2010, 10:51 AM
 
Location: Homeless
1,203 posts, read 1,978,186 times
Reputation: 516
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
You keep evading one of my questions. Why would I want to stay with a man who just declared me a lying, cheating, ho? Give me one good reason I want to be with someone who thinks so little of me?

Yes, I'd be outraged to find that's what my dh thinks of me and yes, I'd be out the door. He'd get his paternity test because I would not let my child's paternity be quesioned but we'd be over. He can choose what he wants and he gets to live with the consequences whichever way they go. I guess you can call him stupid either way but it's irrelevent. He makes his choice and lives with the consequences. Your problem is you want your cake and to eat it too. You want to call us lying, cheating, ho's and have us still care about you. THAT is not going to happen.

I would suggest you be very careful who you sleep with. However, you should call her a cheating, lying ho from the beginning so she knows what you think of her. She deserves that much.
I am not evading your questions.
If a man checked your cellphone, put a keystroke logger on your computer, put mini cams and minicorders in your car and on your clothes, followed you around and then asked for the test, I could see how you have that perspective.

If him requesting a DNA test is that much of an insult to you just because he wants to make sure that he does not dedicate his life to a responsibility that he did not create, then you are correct in leaving him.

Which means if I tell my wife that I am working late and she comes to my job to see, I would be right to leave her because she is calling me a cheating, lying ho correct?
Or if I say I am visiting the fellas and she calls my friend looking for me, I would be right to leave her because she does nto trust me right?
Or if she asks me where I have been?
She should trust me.. right?
 
Old 04-10-2010, 10:52 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,438,093 times
Reputation: 14692
Quote:
Originally Posted by nichirenx View Post
Its funny.
The street guys i grew up around told me to never fully trust anyone but myself.
I have not been on earth as long as a lot of people, but from my own experience and observations, those guys were dead on solid.


Maybe we should throw out the mandatory idea and just make a sounder DNA test that has less of a chance of being tampered with or mixed up.

And keep things as they are.
The wise men can just either ask up front or get it done secretly.
The sucke... I mean good guys can just raise the children they are dealt.
Why the deceit? Why lie to her? Doesn't she deserve to know that you do not trust her?

Now I understand, you're not trustworthy in a realtionship so no one is, right? Because you'd sneak around behind her back and lie to her face ,you think she will too. Got it.
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