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My ex-wifes "Girls night out" consisted of her picking up a re-kindled (via facebook) crush from highschool, spending time with him, then meeting her female friends for drinks.
Oh, then calling me after midnight to pick her up about an hour away, because she was too drunk to drive home.
Recently a friend from NY found out his wife was unfaithful on one of these girls night out outing. At first his wife kept on asking him she wanted a break to go out with her friends (all single women mind you). He was skeptical at first but then finally agreed.
She would go out once a month in the biginning and eventually it became a weekly gig. She cheated on him with a stripper at a stripper joint the "girls" decided to go to. He found out through a friend who was friends with the stripper.
They are separated now, 4 kids and a divorce is in the works.
What's your guy's take on "Girls Night Out"?
It sounds like your friend was somewhat controlling, that his wife had to get his permission to go out with her friends. If that is true, I have to wonder if his controlling ways might have had something to do with her infidelity.
I figure it's dinner/drinks/night out at a club or something. I trust my girlfriend, I know what I do on boys night out (drinks, dinner, club but I don't dance with other chicks) and she says she doesn't dance with other guys and I believe her. I see it like this, why do something that I wouldn't approve of my girlfriend doing (i.e. dancing with other people, she wouldn't like that, and I wouldn't either if she did it). So yeah...all about trust. It's not something you can control.
The original post was in 2009, but it still is topical today.
Girls night out? If she wants to do it, let her go and do it. I've never been the type to prevent someone from doing what they want to do. Restricting someone doesn't make for good relationships. If she's inclined to sleep around, she'll do it when you're working, when she's supposed to be visiting her mother, or when she's grocery shopping (You have to sleep sometime). Cheaters can be very inventive. Stopping your SO from going out with their friends (because you think they'll cheat) isn't going to stop them from cheating, it's more important to find someone that's true to themselves as well as you.
If I'm going to date someone, they're going to understand that I enjoy time with my girlfriends without them hovering around. Spa dates, trips, drinks, dinners, dancing, whatever! And yes, sometimes I get too drunk when we go out but regardless of how much I have to drink - I would never ever cheat. It just depends on the person.
It's funny how sometimes those that become overly dramatic about a mate's girls' night out are often times the ones doing something on the side. My ex was obsessed with my girls night out, which I didn't start doing until three year's into the marriage after many nights of being young and tired of so many boring lonely evenings in the burbs with no friends and nothing to do. Finally having made some friends at work closer to my age to do things with, he gets upset calls me all kinds of things, meantime, he's the one that all through out the marriage had been sleeping with his co-worker/s. I was perfectly happy to be faithful and just the two of us go out dancing and so forth, but nope, don't let the woman go out and have fun or she'll do what he's guilty of. I never said word, never accused till he played his cards and the truth came to light. No point in arguing with a possessive, jealous, pathological liar.
People who cheat, are going to cheat, you can't control them by what activities they participate in. I love to dance, (free style), I don't care who it's with, man or woman, I just enjoy dancing it's fun for me like watching or participating in a sporting activity is for a guy. In the 30+ years of going to various dancing venues, I never wanted to go home with, grind up on or date any of the people I danced with. Dancing is just that, dancing; it is at least for most of the women I know. Girls night out is just a time for some gals to have a bonding good time. I'm sure there are some than use it for no good as with anything else, but mostly it's an innocent event.
Shoot...when my husband wants to hit the sales racks at Lilly Pulitzer or head out to one of the many downtown restaurants with me then I'll consider your point of view. Until then...I'm keeping my Girls nights out and even my weekeneds away! Thankfully he doesn't see anything wrong with it (nor do I have any issue with him playing hockey 2 nights a week).
Nothing like hearing from the homophobic lunatic fringe, eh? However, I can totally see how some wives might want to get away from their husbands!
At any rate, marriage or any other long-term partnership is between two adults. If you (in the general) can't trust each other enough to be out of each other's sight for a few hours once or twice a month, something is wrong between you.
"Girl's Night Out" can be fun, but you're playing with fire. It depends a great deal on the quality of your friends, and what they might egg you on to do.
If I ever get married again, I probably wouldn't do this. Why? Because it would be weird to get all dressed up and made up to go out, and then say, "Bye, honey!" to my husband. I should be dressing up and going out with him. Going swimming at a friend's place, going to lunch, going shopping... Those are all "girl activities" that give me some space and breathing room, yet don't entail the meat market club atmosphere.
I agree 100%.
Why should a guy be okay with a girls night out to a place that's considered a meat market? They're getting dressed up and getting attention from single guys. How is this okay? Its basically the equivalent of a guy going to a strip club. Friends, drinks, and attention from the opposite sex, its all okay right?
I have found over the years that men who dont like the idea of a girls night out, dont like it because deep down inside themselves they know that they cant be trusted to behave on a boys night out. So they project that untrustworthiness onto thier significant other. I hope my daughters and my wife continue to enjoy girls nights. Its healthy.
I have found over the years that men who dont like the idea of a girls night out, dont like it because deep down inside themselves they know that they cant be trusted to behave on a boys night out. So they project that untrustworthiness onto thier significant other. I hope my daughters and my wife continue to enjoy girls nights. Its healthy.
My sister's soon-to-be-ex would accuse her of cheating if she stopped at the drug store on the way to work and didn't immediately answer her phone. Says a lot more about him than her.
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I was perfectly happy to be faithful and just the two of us go out dancing and so forth, but nope, don't let the woman go out and have fun or she'll do what he's guilty of. I never said word, never accused till he played his cards and the truth came to light. No point in arguing with a possessive, jealous, pathological liar.
