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I think she meant that their intelligence is what initially attracted her. But why would she select someone she didn't find attractive? Am I misinterpreting?
Hi PassTheChocolate,
I am speculating that intelligence is either only a part of the attraction or that the particular manifestation of intelligence is the attraction. Unorthodox views are sometimes considered a sign of a piecing intellect but also it is a rebellion against orthodoxy. There may be anger there. Based upon her remark about being the outgoing one I think she is selecting them.
I am speculating that intelligence is either only a part of the attraction or that the particular manifestation of intelligence is the attraction. Unorthodox views are sometimes considered a sign of a piecing intellect but also it is a rebellion against orthodoxy. There may be anger there. Based upon her remark about being the outgoing one I think she is selecting them.
Yes, anger or bitterness I've come to see - problem is they are so difficult to detect for such a long time in the person, perhaps their intelligence helps them dissimulate these emotions.
I must be selecting them somehow, in the sense that I will refuse to date a lazy man or one whose mind does not move quickly. Then, of the men left to chose from, I'd go with the one who CAN LAUGH, because I can't be around someone who takes absolutely everything seriously and passes time with a frown on his face.
Also, I never make too assertive moves when it comes to courting. I am communicative and open but I pretty much let the man pursue me. Once he is really interested and I become interested I will jump in and facilitate things, but that is always after I've observed him for a while.
I am speculating that intelligence is either only a part of the attraction or that the particular manifestation of intelligence is the attraction. Unorthodox views are sometimes considered a sign of a piecing intellect but also it is a rebellion against orthodoxy. There may be anger there. Based upon her remark about being the outgoing one I think she is selecting them.
I see, great observation. Thanks for clearing that up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar
I think that it is typical for intelligent, rational men to be somewhat aloof. Just my thoughts.
I agree with this. They're comfortable with solitude and their decisions; they don't need regular direction and influence. I admire than in a person. They can come off as being anti-social and uncaring when it's really a healthy form of independence.
Quote:
I don't know why an intelligent man would abuse alcohol though.
I wonder about the same thing when it comes to any kind of substance abuse.
I think you get an emotional payoff for dating the guys you're dating. Once you figure out what it is you can choose to change it. You are going to keep being attracted to these guys until you systematically resolve the unfinished business that draws you to them. Don't be fooled. Your coping mechanisms may be different from theirs but you feel the same way underneath them. The same underlying emotional attitudes toward yourself, love, needing a kind of medication to get through life. Your drug could be romance, partying, food, workaholism--anything under the sun! Look for it.
They have unresolved pain which has become defeatism or bitterness. They've experienced neglect and betrayal. Deprivation they've taken personally and thus lowered their self esteem, sense of empowerment, optimism. Fear of risking their hearts and ending up right back in their childhood pain. You must share some or all of this so have compassion for the feelings that are behind their actions and work it out.
I have always found that we all seem to attract certain types, I do believe that like attracts like in some instances but, when you start to see a pattern in the types you attract you then need to change something within yourself in order to break that chain.
... does that mean I have to change something about myself?
Until now, every meaningful relationship I've had turned out to be with men who've had extremely unhappy childhoods, lived a life of material deprivation when young because their families were very poor or were emotionally scarred following their parents' divorce. It seems that the men who pursue me have an emotional baggage of scars they cannot get over, issues from childhood and upbringing that make them depressed personalities.
They were all exceptionally intelligent - which is what attracted me in the first place - and busted their a$$es to build a career from scratch in order to never go back to a life of misery. Although intelligence and hard work are 2 of the qualities that impress me most in men, they also tend to abuse alcohol, behave selfishly and aloof for the most part - so even if they're not necessarily selfish towards me, the sensation of them being selfish is there all the time, I can feel it and fear it.
They all said, in non-identical words but similar content, that what they liked in me was the wit, energy and playfulness.
I wonder, is it how it's meant to be, for me to trade the above qualities just to be with someone whom I can converse at a higher level and be mentally fit with,
or perhaps
I'm marketing myself in a way that keeps attracting men who have shortcomings in the emotional department because I come across as having an 'overwhelming personality', as one of them said - so men use me to counterbalance their introvert personalities?
I was attracted to my wife cause she came across bubbly and happy all the time with big smiles. However, I should have known that was all a front. Like some cardboard cutout that soon dropped after I said, "I do."
These men are more than likely looking for someone playful and fun. Something opposite of what their childhood was like.
I keep attracting men who share similar issues and baggage... does that mean I have to change something about myself?
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I didnt read any of the responses yet but here's my thoughts:
First of all, people will probably respond with two different schools of thought:
1. Dont change anything about who you are, you shouldnt have to change yourself to find someone. Or......
2. You need to change who you are if you keep attracting certain types of people that you seem to be unhappy about attracting.
I say you need to look at yourself and find out WHY you seem to attract guys who are losers/not what you want. If that means changing who you are I say by all means do it. I feel sorry for anyone who is the same person today, that they were 2-5-10 years ago. People should always strive to learn and better themselves and this involves evolving and becoming a different/better person each day. In all these relationships YOU are the common denominator so you need to take a look in the mirror to find out what you must change about you and what you must change about what you want in a mate then go from there.
Me personally, I can honestly say that I am NOT the same person I was a year ago. I am NOT the same person I was 5 years ago. Why? Because I am ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS working on myself to become better and better and I think this is something that ALL humans should be doing.
... does that mean I have to change something about myself?
Until now, every meaningful relationship I've had turned out to be with men who've had extremely unhappy childhoods, lived a life of material deprivation when young because their families were very poor or were emotionally scarred following their parents' divorce. It seems that the men who pursue me have an emotional baggage of scars they cannot get over, issues from childhood and upbringing that make them depressed personalities.
They were all exceptionally intelligent - which is what attracted me in the first place - and busted their a$$es to build a career from scratch in order to never go back to a life of misery. Although intelligence and hard work are 2 of the qualities that impress me most in men, they also tend to abuse alcohol, behave selfishly and aloof for the most part - so even if they're not necessarily selfish towards me, the sensation of them being selfish is there all the time, I can feel it and fear it.
They all said, in non-identical words but similar content, that what they liked in me was the wit, energy and playfulness.
I wonder, is it how it's meant to be, for me to trade the above qualities just to be with someone whom I can converse at a higher level and be mentally fit with,
or perhaps
I'm marketing myself in a way that keeps attracting men who have shortcomings in the emotional department because I come across as having an 'overwhelming personality', as one of them said - so men use me to counterbalance their introvert personalities?
You would really like me, at least from your description above...lol
I keep attracting men who share similar issues and baggage
They all said... what they liked in me was the wit, energy and playfulness.
I wonder, is it how it's meant to be, for me to trade the above qualities just to be with someone whom I can converse at a higher level and be mentally fit with....
I'd imagine that almost all men are attracted to wit, energy and playfulness.
I'd suggest that you not consider for a moment trading your qualities for anything, but rather decide what is attracting YOU to the wrong kind of man. Is it really intelligence and hard work that's attracting you to these men, or is it high testosterone levels? Or something else? Look behind the obvious to see what's been the attraction. Then ask yourself if it might be the reason for the baggage.
Honestly, most guys aren't that bad, so if you repeatedly pick losers, something is wrong with your selection process.
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