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26 years together
26 years married
No other test drives for either of us! Maybe we do not know what we are missing so we are still together? No seriously the earth moved when he walked into the restaurant.
We have one checking and savings account. I find it keeps me from alot of silly spending.
He puts up with my dogs, I put up with his games and believe me this was before computers! Ye ole D and D with dice if anyone here can remember it. Occasionally one must bend more that the other. Always have asked myself "will this really matter in one month". We waited several years before having kids and this gave us some goof off and growing up time.
Approach it as if it is an unbreakable bond because it is!
I have been on CD for couple of years now, but I only started participating in Relationship forum recently. I see so many threads discussing unsuccessful marriages, bad relationships, hurtful situations and etc...
I would love to start a thread where people can share some success stories. Describe how long they have been married, what they love about their partner, how did their relationship improved over time, perhaps share some stories of overcoming difficult times.
I think we can all use some positivity here, perhaps inspire some people to search for that someone.
Also - I'm sure, definition of successful marriages vary. What is your understanding of successful marriage?
good thread Max's Mama. I like to see positive threads out there...
My husband and I have been together for ten years and he is - without a doubt- the love of my life. He's treated me better and given me more than anyone else ever has. He's extremely generous (except when it comes to ice cream), and one of the smartest people (in all aspects) that I've ever known. He stops and helps the elderly, holds the door and offers his assistance to any woman in need, he's strong but sensitive, is very good looking yet modest, and loyal. There's so much to love about him - he really is an amazing man. I hope my daughters find someone like him... if they decide to go down that marrying path. On my end, I'll give myself a pat on the back for recognizing a good man when I see one and he knows that I love him (and I make sure he knows, everyday). I'm not sure what he loves about me as he doesn't tell me... but he does and that is what matters.
I really can't put a finger on what makes our marriage successful - I have no list to pass on. The only thing that I would believe that would help people in their relationships is... love yourself first before you get married. The foundation of the relationship is the people involved - and if you aren't right with yourself, then you'll have a hard time being right with anyone else. Just my opinion.
btw, my husband and I have separate and joint accounts and it's only for practical purposes (we pay for different things from the same pile of money but the money is just held in different places). So, there is no "his" and "hers" it has always been "ours" no matter where the money is held.
cpg35223, I agree with all you have to say except for two things. 1) Joint checking account. I think couples find different ways to handle their money and as long as both parties agree to a system and it works for them, then it is good. I know a couple where both work. They have separate accounts and divide the bills and expenses (he pays some, she pays others). I'm sure they both contribute to big ticket items so there is definitely a sense of paying expenses together but that system works for them. 2)Watch little TV. Well, it so happens that watching TV is an activity that my husband and I enjoy doing together. We like to laugh together when we watch something funny. We like to talk about the programs we watch and often, while sitting next to him, I look over and find his cheek irresistable and give him a kiss. Other times we just cuddle under a blanket. After 23 years of marriage we are still happy together, so I'd say this works for us.
Well, let me explain that a little, Stan, based on the incidents I've witnessed.
In almost every marriage, unless they're both doctors or union workers on the factory floor, there's one person who out-earns the other person.
So, what happens? If you have separate checking accounts, you start getting into situations where both members of the couple have to chip in. Only one person is either chipping in a larger dollar amount or a disproportionate amount of what they make. What's more, there's a heck of a lot more to money than making the house note. There are investments for the future. There are salting away household money for a rainy day. The list goes on.
But if you have a "My money/Your money" situation, then suddenly, you have both partners holding back. You have one partner saying either, "Why am I having to pay 75% of the household expenses while she's managed to save up for a new car?" or "Why do I have to chip in so much? He can certainly afford it." What's more, you're basically holding out some of your own money to do whatever the heck you want with it, and your spouse be damned. Further, if you really extend the analogy further, it means that you have license to make other financial decisions such as have your own credit cards, decisions that could ultimately affect the both of you. Finally, there's always the possibility that your S/O is accumulating her own money and holding out on you. It's just a recipe for distrust and mischief. Nope. Open books accounting is the way to go.
In marriage, it's an all-or-nothing proposition. You're either all-in or you're not in at all. With your love, with your fidelity and with your money. Anything less means you're not married in spirit. You're merely glorified roommates who happen to have legal sanction.
Now you can argue the separate checking accounts thing all day long. But I've never seen a relationship where it worked in the long haul.
You are so right. Every couple I have known that insisted on separate accounts is either now divorced or heading that way.
Well, let me explain that a little, Stan, based on the incidents I've witnessed.
In almost every marriage, unless they're both doctors or union workers on the factory floor, there's one person who out-earns the other person.
So, what happens? If you have separate checking accounts, you start getting into situations where both members of the couple have to chip in. Only one person is either chipping in a larger dollar amount or a disproportionate amount of what they make. What's more, there's a heck of a lot more to money than making the house note. There are investments for the future. There are salting away household money for a rainy day. The list goes on.
But if you have a "My money/Your money" situation, then suddenly, you have both partners holding back. You have one partner saying either, "Why am I having to pay 75% of the household expenses while she's managed to save up for a new car?" or "Why do I have to chip in so much? He can certainly afford it." What's more, you're basically holding out some of your own money to do whatever the heck you want with it, and your spouse be damned. Further, if you really extend the analogy further, it means that you have license to make other financial decisions such as have your own credit cards, decisions that could ultimately affect the both of you. Finally, there's always the possibility that your S/O is accumulating her own money and holding out on you. It's just a recipe for distrust and mischief. Nope. Open books accounting is the way to go.
In marriage, it's an all-or-nothing proposition. You're either all-in or you're not in at all. With your love, with your fidelity and with your money. Anything less means you're not married in spirit. You're merely glorified roommates who happen to have legal sanction.
Now you can argue the separate checking accounts thing all day long. But I've never seen a relationship where it worked in the long haul.
I have to agree with this one too. Joint bank account works good for us.
CPG, I couldn't rep you, but I wholeheartedly agree. I have always believed that in a marriage, all resources come from one pool. Any holding back from that pool is really holding back from the marriage itself. People who keep separate finances have not really jumped in with both feet. If you want something that is significant, don't be afraid to have that discussion with your spouse.
I've tried to contribute here a few times, but things come out as cliches... Why is it when a person is happy, (dating or married), it sounds like the same story.... Best told by Shakespeare anyway, not me... But when there is dissatisfaction or breakage, the stories are colorful and shocking and more dramatic... The happiness should sound more colorful than misery, IMO...
I've tried to contribute here a few times, but things come out as cliches... Why is it when a person is happy, (dating or married), it sounds like the same story.... Best told by Shakespeare anyway, not me... But when there is dissatisfaction or breakage, the stories are colorful and shocking and more dramatic... The happiness should sound more colorful than misery, IMO...
hahahahaha - interesting observation!! I think our society has been a bit programmed to prefer drama - something you don't get much of in happy marriages
A successful marriage is one that has God at the center of it. From there, married couples can deal with and survive the many trials and tribulations marriages encounter. A successful marriage MUST have TRUE LOVE, lifetime commitment, trust, mutual respect and effective communication. Without these key ingredients, marriages will fail and/or be dysfunctional.
cpg35223, I agree with all you have to say except for two things. 1) Joint checking account. I think couples find different ways to handle their money and as long as both parties agree to a system and it works for them, then it is good. I know a couple where both work. They have separate accounts and divide the bills and expenses (he pays some, she pays others). I'm sure they both contribute to big ticket items so there is definitely a sense of paying expenses together but that system works for them. 2)Watch little TV. Well, it so happens that watching TV is an activity that my husband and I enjoy doing together. We like to laugh together when we watch something funny. We like to talk about the programs we watch and often, while sitting next to him, I look over and find his cheek irresistable and give him a kiss. Other times we just cuddle under a blanket. After 23 years of marriage we are still happy together, so I'd say this works for us.
Oh. So are you holding back on sex in your marriage? Are you setting a little kindness aside to use elsewhere? Do you say to yourself, "Why, I'll give husband 90% of my love, and put 10% aside just for me"?
Money is the same thing. I work for myself. I have a business checking account. But every single dime in it is fair game for my wife use as she sees fit to run the household. If there's something I want to buy, I simply say, "Hey, I'm thinking of buying XYZ." And my wife extends the same courtesy to me.
One other thing. A marriage has to be based on shared values, whether it's in how you raise the children, or defining your mutual life goals. That means there's a way of doing everything. And having "His way" and "Her way" of spending money means that you're not on the same page. Bully for you if it's worked so far, but just you wait. I mean, what happens when the wife wants to be a Stay At Home Mom? Because she's not earning any money, does that mean she doesn't have any to spend? What if he's a surgeon and she's a social worker, two professions on the opposite end of the pay scale? Does that mean his Mad Money is higher than her total take home pay? Do you see where the inequities inevitably arise?
You are all in, or you're not. Anything less, in my opinion, is just lip service to the idea of complete and total sharing, which is what marriage is supposed to be about.
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No seriously the earth moved when he walked into the restaurant. 
I find it keeps me from alot of silly spending.
), and one of the smartest people (in all aspects) that I've ever known. He stops and helps the elderly, holds the door and offers his assistance to any woman in need, he's strong but sensitive, is very good looking yet modest, and loyal. There's so much to love about him - he really is an amazing man. I hope my daughters find someone like him... if they decide to go down that marrying path. On my end, I'll give myself a pat on the back for recognizing a good man when I see one and he knows that I love him (and I make sure he knows, everyday). I'm not sure what he loves about me as he doesn't tell me... but he does and that is what matters. 
