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No, many of them may seem cold and aloof because they've had to adapt to their environment. An attractive women in this country can anticipate an additional level of challenges related to her appearance.
Take this forum for example. Many of the women on CD have had to take their profile pics down or make them private because they get cyber-stalked or unsolicited messages that are candid to say the least. Women have to conduct themselves in a different manner if they want to avoid being hit on constantly or being looked at strictly as eye candy and nothing more. Often, men mistake a friendly hello and a smile as a marriage proposal, right away they let their fantasies run wild over a simple hello.
Hence an attractive woman needs to be a little more reserved than a man. How many times have you seen guys who get shot down in a bar or club and right away they call the girl a stuck-up b*tch?
I'm guessing you have been spoiled with the attention that comes so easily to you overseas, and now you haven't got the patience to work for it. Not a big deal, but don't try to say that the problem lies with American women.
Hi Coolhand68,
Absolutely that is the case. Good looking girls cannot be friendly. I observe this all the time. Since there are fewer of them due to women not wanting to stand out and our collective weight problem, a good looking women may be hounded relentlessly by being friendly. Now that we have shown that its not just the woman's fault, step back. Can you see why someone may not want to be in a society like this?
I have also heard many complaint about Americans from people overseas because we tend to socialize in restaurants and know little about domestic hospitality. This is from people I have met. Since I don't like sitting around in restaurants, it also rubs me wrong.
Never heard about the domestic hospitality issue while traveling but in regards to restaurants in America I have read from members living in other parts of the world as well as heard from Aussies here that they much prefer the restaurant service delivered in the states. This is often one of the things they say they miss when having to return home. And living abroad has definitely made me appreciate it as i find myself having to get up and ask for everything from water to my check at the end of the meal.
Absolutely that is the case. Good looking girls cannot be friendly. I observe this all the time. Since there are fewer of them due to women not wanting to stand out and our collective weight problem, a good looking women may be hounded relentlessly by being friendly. Now that we have shown that its not just the woman's fault, step back. Can you see why someone may not want to be in a society like this?
Let me clarify, I'm not saying they can't be friendly. I'm saying they run the risk of being misinterpreted moreso than a more unattractive woman. I'm sure it happens overseas too. That's just the nature of the beast. While we may not live in a perfect society, I still think it's wrong to label American women in a negative light without applying the same scrutiny to foreign women. The OP fails to see the world around him because he's blinded by the charms of women who see him either as an opportunity for advancement or a curiosity. I've known many men who have married foreign women who were warm, loving, nurturing etc., until they brought them back to the states. After the two year probationary immigration period, suddenly these women weren't so warm, loyal, and loving. Many of them cleaned their husbands bank accounts out sending money home, gambling, shopping etc. Not long after they get here they display the very same traits as any American women that we hear our OP complaining about.
Using an expression like "get it", is a brain stem like statement of intimidation that is a display of weak minded aggression, hence your entire point unravels at the display. It means you cannot let the argument stand on it own. Capitalization is understood as yelling on the internet.
In comparison to men who are willing to take some risks, they are comparatively weak. They are not risk takers and want complete insulation from fallout. Also, how many time do I have to hear that those who value complementary divisions of labour seek weak women? Can someone explain to me the strength, principle and confidence behind having separate bank accounts? Of course not, because its absurd. If someone is going to jump in and say, oh but we share an account as two independent people, the the oxymoronic nature of the concept is exposed.
A relationship, by definition, is the opposite of independence. Therefore an independent relationship, to avoid the oxymoron, implies an attenuated one. So before you go to bed at night be sure to say "I don't really need you hun", where she says "I really don't need you either dear". If its just a euphemism for a working spouse, then lets dispense with it as an inaccurate abuse of the term.
As stated, what anyone should desire in a mate(again oxymoronic to independent) is capability.
The above post smells a lot like subjectivity and narrow-mindedness - and do I dare say it - OLD SCHOOL.
Where does one begin? Using the term "get it" does not always signify clear cut aggression. Your interpretation of it was that it indeed was, but your perception is your own - no matter how inaccurate the reality is. But if you want to continue thinking in life that everybody who writes "get it" on a post is expressing aggression, then be my guest. You are a free individual. For me, it has nothing to do with aggression. It's a merely a writing style that I choose, like an author who writes in a diverse range of styles.
And, regardless of whatever rules there are, I choose to capitalize my words for emphasis. A lot of times, when a word is capitalized, people are drawn to it, and will READ it. I could care less that you feel like it's understood as yelling. The internet is but a few decades old, and already you attempt to restrict thought by imposing your own set of rules. You'll probably come back by saying everybody in the world knows never to CAPITALIZE WORDS on the internet, but it would have no meaning for me. It's called FREEDOM of SPEECH. And by the way, I'm not yelling. If you'd like to interpret it as yelling, then be my guest. You are free to perceive as you wish, no matter how inaccurate it is.
Your final two paragraphs are - in my view - way too subjective to be considered reality. I also think it's better to analyze them in a different post.
After further analysis, the post below is really not that bad. My comments are in bold.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1
In comparison to men who are willing to take some risks, they are comparatively weak. ... Not really true... using your logic man who takes risks to be in a relationship that he shouldn't be in, because he has not achieved a sufficent level of independence from his dependent past to succeed is considered strong in your world. And those men who would like their women to reach a compatible level of independence from their own dependent history are weak... I think your definition of independence for our sociological purposes is too rigid. They are not risk takers and want complete insulation from fallout. Not really, they want to minimize the risks - you are too "black and white" with your declarations. Mitigating risks is not the same as being risk averse. And it certainly does not confirm or deny individual weakness Also, how many time do I have to hear that those who value complementary divisions of labour seek weak women? This statement is irrelevant to your argument - it's a great topic of a whole new thread! Can someone explain to me the strength, principle and confidence behind having separate bank accounts? Of course not, because its absurd. One can say the same thing about joint-bank accounts as well. Why have a joint-bank account? You are confusing emotional intelligence with administrative aspects of the relationship. Besides the entire point is irrelevant, because in a divorce total "known" assets are taken into account. So, bank account admin doesn't matter - what matters is legal structure of assets pre-, during, and post-relationship/divorce. If someone is going to jump in and say, oh but we share an account as two independent people, the the oxymoronic nature of the concept is exposed. Again, you are over-simplifying the psychological complexity of a relationship. Any contradictory comments of perceived independence have underlying aspects that may be hidden from view, depending on the emotional maturity level of the subject. You can't take it as face value. Ask any credible psychologist.
A relationship, by definition, is the opposite of independence. I think it's obvious to many of us that one cannot truly apply black and white scientific rigid definitions of independence to human behavior, so you don't even need to include this point in your rebuttal. Like I said before, we are born dependent and we move away from it our whole lives. Therefore an independent relationship, to avoid the oxymoron, implies an attenuated one. Exactly, I finally agree with you on something! There is hope! Except that I would call it an "attenuated dependency" So before you go to bed at night be sure to say "I don't really need you hun", where she says "I really don't need you either dear". If its just a euphemism for a working spouse, then lets dispense with it as an inaccurate abuse of the term. There you go again with an application of a rigid definition. So we can also apply it to when we say "I need you hun... and I need you too dear", because we do "need" the other in order to stay in a relationship (but we don't need them to survive). But regardless, dependence is NOT absolute - nor should it be. Women will back me up on this.
Conclusion: So for our purposes, independence = attenuated dependence.
Your analysis is very interesting... but it's too narrowly-focused (IMHO) on work-related issues/division of labor and simple financial admin. I would approach it more from an emotional intelligence theme - one of the main causes for relationship failures today. However, you do address the irrationality and contradictory nature of it all. You seem quite capable of carrying out the necessary analysis so you can at least attempt to answer all of your questions and formulate new ones! Good luck!
Sorry for the bold... I'm not yelling!
As stated, what anyone should desire in a mate(again oxymoronic to independent) is capability. You'll need a widely-accepted definition for that - which you don't provide, other then extreme and limited examples
In France, they call this "Intellectual Masturbation"...
I need to get a LIFE!!!!
Or at least make passionate love to my girlfriend.
After further analysis, the post below is really not that bad. My comments are in bold.
In France, they call this "Intellectual Masturbation"...
I need to get a LIFE!!!!
Or at least make passionate love to my girlfriend.
Hey bub,
I'm not really reading your former post because of the screaming. So I hope there is some good general information in there for someone else. That you replied twice shows you are overwrought and defensive.
I used my ""Intellectual Masturbation" to land a modelesque beauty so I have to do less of the other. I admit that I enjoy not being an idiot.
Since I am reasonable, and if that disqualifies me from being a Gallophile, then I'll grab Goats do Roam next time so that the unpalatable taste on my tongue does not besmirch the pure waters of the Rhone.
Did you do well with the ladies when you were living in the states?
Did you date often? Any long term relationships?
Yes i've always done well. Not to brag, but i'm a good looking and intelligent guy so i've always gotten dates if I put out the effort for it.
I'm not some guy who couldn't get a date back in the US, so now i'm bitter, if that's what you are asking.
So of you all just cannot accept what i'm saying at face value can you? You keep on looking fopr the "real reason" why I don't like most American women. Well, I already explained the real reason in my original post, it's the culture there.
Good looking girls cannot be friendly. I observe this all the time. Since there are fewer of them due to women not wanting to stand out and our collective weight problem, a good looking women may be hounded relentlessly by being friendly. Now that we have shown that its not just the woman's fault, step back. Can you see why someone may not want to be in a society like this?
yet another observation that cannot be labeled as a product of american society. I see it happen here too when an attractive girl walks by--the point that it's a result of a collective weight problem is irrelevant here. Or even in socal where thin, pretty girls are a dime a dozen...
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