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I met my husband online. I think online dating is a fabulous way to meet people. But here is my tip: think twice about posting a photo.
I did not post a picture on purpose, and my reasoning was that I was not going to post a photo, so I could weed out the superficial people from the people with substance. Nearly all the men were fixated on why I didn't post a photo. Some refused to email with me to get to know each other until I sent them a photo, which I thought was ridiculous.
Anyhow, I was the one who contacted my husband, after reading his profile (he didn't post a picture either, but it was because he didn't have a scanner--this was before digital cameras). We started emailing and talking on the phone for a whole month, and we really got to know each other. During that whole first month he never once asked for a photo. It really impressed me that he was so non-superficial, among his many other wonderful qualities. We both wanted to click on an intellectual and emotional level first and foremost, because I believe that those are the most important qualities. We ended up having our first date, and knowing that we had found the one! And he is still incredibly non-superficial, respectful of women, and a wonderful hubby. He truly is a man of substance. We've been married almost 6 years. I think that if more people looked past the superficial, there would be more successful relationships.
Half of attraction is physical and chemistry related. It's not superficial to want a photo before you meet someone, it's common sense. Do you realize what kind of people are out there? Also, that's fine you don't want to post a photo, no one can make you, but I would never meet someone without seeing a picture or two of them. Reason being, I'm not overly picky on looks or body types, but in my experience online dating, I've met girls who put up photos of them in college, and met them in person and they had gained A TON ofweight. I'm not talking about a few pounds, I mean a TON of weight. Now I'm a bigger guy, pretty athletic, I weigh 200 lbs, if you weigh as much or more than me, I can't justify a relationship or any attraction to her.
I'm not so amazed at the fact that you didn't post photos, as much as I'm amazed someone actually talked to you and met you without seeing a photo first.
I'm not going to speculate from the woman's perspective, but I will give do's and don'ts for men to follow:
DO be decisive about the date. Tell her when you'll pick her up, and where you are going.
DON'T ask her "is that ok? where do YOU want to go? I don't care where we go..." Have some balls.
DO meet somewhere cheap for first meet. A drink or a cup of coffee is always good. You've never met this person, no reason to drop a ton of money on them.
DO lay the first kiss on them on the first REAL date. The first meet doesn't count as a real date necessarily, but the second time you go out, lay the kiss on
DO find out early on if she has any interest. You never know what the woman's agenda is. As an earlier poster pointed out, one woman seemed to be in a hurry to find a date for an upcoming wedding, she didn't want to go alone.
DONT be the tool she tricks into going to an all day wedding event where you don't know anyone and she drops you afterwards.
DONT ever bring up the relationship talk. That's the woman's responsibility. If you do it, you'll get burned and you'll set the table as a weakling in the relationship. IF she wants a relationship with you, she'll let you know.
DONT go into any of these dates with expectations. Try to think of it as just meeting someone new, and if there's attraction or chemistry, both of you will know it. Take it slow. Don't try to rush her into a relationship or your bed.
DO try to get her to do most of the talking.
DO be a good listener. Women will let you know through conversation what they are looking for and what they do not like. This is gold for later in the dating process so you avoid mistakes that others have made in the past.
DONT talk about any heavy subjects on ANY dates, especially the first. That mean NO politics, religion, sex, feelings, etc. Keep it light, keep it funny, keep it POSITIVE. If she brings up a heavy subject, make a joke about it, turn it into a funny conversation, anything but serious.
DO treat her with respect and be kind.
DONT buy her flowers and shower her with compliments and gifts. There's plenty of time to show appreciation for her in the relationship, no need to come off needy early on, or ever.
DO be flexible, keep an open mind
DONT date inflexible or structured women. They're easy to spot, they have rules for everything. Avoid them
DO learn to say no. It's called having a backbone, women love men who have one. Not enough guys know to say no to a woman when she crosses the line. Some women toe the line just to test you. If you let her walk all over you, you'll either be out of the picture or she'll make you her slave using your emotions as a whip.
DONT be afraid to date other women. Just because you met someone one time, by no means gives you a responsibility to only date them. Many women will disagree with this, but only because they are selfish. As a man, you have NO IDEA where a woman stands on her feelings toward you, and she usually doesn't have a clue either. I've been the one, as well as seen other men, put their eggs all in one basket, went out with a woman 5-10 times thinking they were a date away from being in a relationship, only to have her say "sorry I met someone else/not ready for a relationship/taking a break/need some space". During that time period (2 weeks to 2 months) you could've been meeting and dating your future wife. Until the women has the relationship talk with you and locks you in as her boyfriend, by all means continue to pursue opportunities to meet other women.
I met my husband online. I think online dating is a fabulous way to meet people. But here is my tip: think twice about posting a photo.
I did not post a picture on purpose, and my reasoning was that I was not going to post a photo, so I could weed out the superficial people from the people with substance. Nearly all the men were fixated on why I didn't post a photo. Some refused to email with me to get to know each other until I sent them a photo, which I thought was ridiculous.
Anyhow, I was the one who contacted my husband, after reading his profile (he didn't post a picture either, but it was because he didn't have a scanner--this was before digital cameras). We started emailing and talking on the phone for a whole month, and we really got to know each other. During that whole first month he never once asked for a photo. It really impressed me that he was so non-superficial, among his many other wonderful qualities. We both wanted to click on an intellectual and emotional level first and foremost, because I believe that those are the most important qualities...
I agree completely, I think it shows a depth of character that is very important. I think the fact that so many people choose their partners based on looks is why the divorce rate is what it is. We're all going to be unattractive by society's standards someday anyway. Do you want a strong relationship, or something pretty to look at for a few years?
Personally physical attraction is a major component to a relationship and as shallow as it may sound, I would not correspond to someone who didn’t share a photo. My personal preference would be to keep the photo’s to a minimum, 2 or 3 and…
DO: Post a photo with a smile.
DO: Post a photo enjoying your favorite hobby or past-time…skiing, snowboarding, sailing.
DON'T: Post a photo proudly displaying the carcass of your latest kill, deer, fish, etc…
DON’T: (Guys) Post a photo surrounded by a gaggle of girls. Same goes for ladies, don’t post a photo of your self surrounded by a crew of macho men.
DON’T: (Ladies) Post of photo of your self in suggestive poses or scantily clad outfits, leave a little to the imagination. Guys, feel free to post a photo of yourself working out at the gym sweating profusely with muscles bulging.
DON’T: Post a photo of your giant mansion, sports car or big wheel.
I agree, you have to know if someone is "attractive" to you or not. It may be shallow, but it is what it is and most people are like this.
Been on way too many blind dates even from dating sites in the past. Never again. It was a waste of time and gas. I will not meet anyone until I have a basic idea on what they look like.
I agree completely, I think it shows a depth of character that is very important. I think the fact that so many people choose their partners based on looks is why the divorce rate is what it is. We're all going to be unattractive by society's standards someday anyway. Do you want a strong relationship, or something pretty to look at for a few years?
I need something pretty to look at which is important, sorry
What are your do's and don'ts when it comes to online dating? I've met a few women online and I've learned some lessons.
I'll start off with one do and one don't
Do: Be honest. Don't post a pic of a magazine model and claim it as yourself. This irks me to no end. If you're afraid people aren't going to like you because of how you look then you have some self image issues to work on before dating anyone.
Don't: Do not reveal to much to early. I don't need to know on our first conversation that your uncle is a convicted murderer doing time. Nor do I need to know that your father passed away from caner......save this stuff for later conversations should you get that far. In those first few meetings you're getting to know each other. You know, what shows do you like what's your hobbies. You're not there to be a therapist for each other.....unless you met in a therapy chat room
The magazine model picks are most likely Nigerian scam artists trying to lure people in.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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DO: Appear interested, but not desperate. Don't make it seem like a big deal if she/she rejects you.
Read signals, and pace it.
Be original
DON'T: Come on to strong/desperate.
Be like all the others.
do not do not jump a jet to nashville to meet you internet blonde cutie, if you do quasimoto will be waiting in the parking lot.
been there done that.
(you guys think i make this stuff up dont you)
For women - please ditch the photo of you and the drop-kick dog. It is annoying.
If we wanted a poodle we woulda bought one.
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