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I don’t know, I guess I was looking for something else… sorry guys, not too interested in being defensive and angry. I'll still check up on this, but I'm looking for a different answer than what I'm getting.
In other words, you don't really want good advice, you just want someone to tell you that are doing the right thing. No one who has any sense of responsibility is going to tell you that this situation is a good thing or encourage you to give up your life for another person who isn't trying to make him own life better.
I am truly sorry that you don't feel you deserve better. If you are bound and determined to "fix" him, try tough love. Tell him his vacation from life is over and get a job.
OP was busy working, didn't realize how fast you all would respond.
After reading through all the posts I do understand were a lot of you are coming from. From the outside looking in its a logical choice to end the relationship, to cut your losses and move on. Yes there are many fine fish in the sea, but there are very few who truly can bring out the best in you.
I'm not in this relationship because of guilt, because I owe him anything, I'm here because he has the same views I do on life, the same path, he's just struggling to find a way back. Weather we're husband and wife or best friends I'm looking forward to sharing the rest of my life with him. I wasn't looking for people ragging on me for being with him. I just honestly wanted some peoples advice on how to help him move forward.
I don’t know, I guess I was looking for something else… sorry guys, not too interested in being defensive and angry. I'll still check up on this, but I'm looking for a different answer than what I'm getting.
You can NOT do anything to help him move forward. Clearly, since he's already cheated on you (right?) he doesn't have any trouble moving withOUT you! You can't fix him. You're young, clearly you don't understand just how many folks here have been where you're at right now.
These are voices of experience girl....and they're trying to help you save your life....trying to help YOU move forward. Clearly, it's not working, judging from your comment here.
Okay....we're trying to help you move forward..... You want to help him move forward.... Do you get the connection here? What make you think you're going to more successful in your attempts than the posters here have been?
In all your years of experience and expertise ..... what makes you think you can MAKE him change his ways. What makes you think he won't resent the heck out you for even trying. Take a good look at him. Do you really want to be living with THAT person 10 years from now? Well then, you might want to make up your mind before wasting 10 years of your life! It's highly probable that he's going to be the exact same person then that he is now!
Did you know victims of rape often involve themselves in relationships with losers? Why? Because they have no self esteem and believe that's all they deserve.
I hope you are getting some kind of therapy to deal with the aftermath of the rape. But I think the answer is probably no because any therapist worth a darn would have already been pointing this out to you.
WHY are you wasting your life on one bad decision after another? You're in need of more than "a little help." You don't have a boyfriend, you have a PARASITE! WHY is it that women, especially, are willing to abort their helpless, unborn children, instead of their WORTHLESS so-called boyfriends?! Are you that emotionally insecure that you need any man, even a low-life? When is your first solo-counseling appointment? Move out NOW & don't give him the key to your new place! It's 100% guaranteed that he'll find another DESPERATE female to take care of him, so don't waste time worrying about him. When we're young we have dreams, but Dreamland is not reality...preparing for the future, etc., is reality. Time is passing quickly, so move on before you get older & less desirable! At any age, a man can find a youthful woman. Reading the Bible & praying will give you godly wisdom.
And a first post, too. Maybe it's from the OP who found God in the meantime and is confronting her former self?
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Men Who Won't Work!
