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I think you should move on. Thank him for helping you through your difficult time but tell him you guys have grown into different people and it's now time to break it off. If you take him with you you will most likely end up hating him in the end and wasting a lot of time. It sounds like you have grown up a lot but he hasn't.
Just a warning for the future....Some men will pick a female based on the fact they are in a crap position life. They play the hero for a short while and the ride that out as long as they can and try to get away with destructive behavior.(like cheating and not working) Then they will go back and say "well I was there for you" Don't fall into that crap trap.
You don't have the maturity to be in a relationship right now plain and simple. You have a lot of issues you need to deal with. I bet you anything if you were to dump your boyfriend your next boyfriend would be an exact replica of your current boyfriend. Like I said, you have a lot issue you need to iron out. Did you seek a therapist after being raped?
You don't have the maturity to be in a relationship right now plain and simple. You have a lot of issues you need to deal with. I bet you anything if you were to dump your boyfriend your next boyfriend would be an exact replica of your current boyfriend. Like I said, you have a lot issue you need to iron out. Did you seek a therapist after being raped?
This post almost sounds as if you are turning it on her, and making her to blame.
I think MonkeyKid may have been trying to be helpful and not blaming her. S/he is right. If you did not get counselling after the rape, please do so. I know you may think you are fine and have worked out all the issues, but you may not have if you did not get professional counselling. That counselling could have been with a volunteer from a Rape Crisis Center, a group, or individual private therapy. I have seen so many young girls/women believe it was all behind them only to wind up dealing with it again many years later. I was a volunteer with the RCC and I am also a survivor.
As to the bf issue, you've gotten some great advice and I will add only 1 bit more:
Go on with your life without him. If it is meant to be, he will get his act together and join you. If he doesn't join you succeeding in life, working towards his dream, then it is not meant to be.
A girl I work with is going through the same thing, she's 24 and had a child with her boyfriend, he doesn't work.
Hes a good looking guy that makes friends easily but is a total bum. She is very fat but fun in a lets be friends kinda way.
She asked me to roll up her sleeves at work the other day because she had food on her hands "making salads" I tried but it was embarassing because of the size of her forearms.
I know this guy is just along for the ride, I've had a conversation or two with him and I hate it that I understand why. because I don't like him.
I think MonkeyKid may have been trying to be helpful and not blaming her. S/he is right. If you did not get counselling after the rape, please do so. I know you may think you are fine and have worked out all the issues, but you may not have if you did not get professional counselling. That counselling could have been with a volunteer from a Rape Crisis Center, a group, or individual private therapy. I have seen so many young girls/women believe it was all behind them only to wind up dealing with it again many years later. I was a volunteer with the RCC and I am also a survivor.
As to the bf issue, you've gotten some great advice and I will add only 1 bit more:
Go on with your life without him. If it is meant to be, he will get his act together and join you. If he doesn't join you succeeding in life, working towards his dream, then it is not meant to be.
Good post! Its always nice to point out about the counseling after the rape, abortion, etc.
But....this thread is directed towards her BF who will not work.
It sounds like she finally has her sh*t together, and has high hopes that he will follow her, and needing advice on how to handle that situation.
The answer should be obvious. He's got a sugar mama paying his bills and taking care of him. It's YOUR fault for allowing this to continue for this long. Even though he's stood by you, love don't pay the bills. Drop the zero and get with a hero. Easier said than done given the history you two have with each other. You're about yours and he isn't, so why would you want to be with someone with no hustle?
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