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From an old granny, this is what I'd say to you if you were my granddaughter. Get over it. And for lawd's sake, get that man out of the doghouse. If that's how you treat him when you don't want to work things out, don't be surprised if he says adios, sayonara, good-bye, so long.
You complain about not "doing it" - I assume you mean having sex (I so f'n hate euphemisms) and then you kick him out of your ? bed. I assume that means it isn't OUR bed in your mind. Someone has a problem here. First, you contradict yourself - not enough sex, get away. Good grief, GIRL! Then you treat him like a little boy or a dog. If you two make it to your 5th anniversary, I'd be susprised - nah, SHOCKED!
You have no respect for him and probably never did. By your own admission, you spied (spyed) on him. Well that's just a nice girl kinda thing to do - you witch! You made demands on him without listening to him - you will give up your porn. Who DO you think you are, Angelina Bitc*aJolie?And look where her attitude has gotten her - a divorce!
Get real, kid. Go see a therapist. Let him have his bal*s back, if you haven't swallowed them whole.
Yeah, I don't have a lot of compassion for you. You are a demanding, self-centered little girl.
Am I the only one here who doesn't even consider what he was watching porn? Ok, a little racy, but not any worse than any of the lad mags like Maxim or FHM. Hell, you can see racier stuff on HBO, Showtime, etc.
He definitely should have fessed up when you asked him about it and that is the only thing I'd be angry about, but I think you need to calm down a tad. Anything he can see on youtube isn't all that scandalous. And yes, we would all love to believe that all our SO needs for sexual stimulation is us, but sometimes people, especially men, like to look at sexy members of the opposite sex doing sexy things. It in no way means that he/she has lost interest in the SO
For me, personally, hard core **** doesn't do anything for me.
If a girl liked **** it would be no big deal. I don't think I'd be particularly happy if she decided to have a **** fest out in the living room with the surround sound though. I would think she should probably do that in the bedroom.
As far as watching **** together...whatever. I don't particularly want to. But if she was just itching to and it was a big deal to her then I'd do it.
I ahve no problem with it unless it becomes an obsession. IMO couples can benefit from a little naughty, maybe learn a little something to spice it up.
sex came become an addiction. your post does not sound like either of you are being deprived unless the OP is a daydream fantasy.
but for most americans---
looking at porn is bad, using sex and guilt to control another is worse. if you feed that dog he won't get in the trash.
I'm sorry but I just have to disagree with many of you. I feel like many on this thread are trying to make the OP feel like she's the one who has the problem here. By her own admission, she may be insecure in her relationship. That's another issue, but I don't think it's unreasonable at all that she is upset. Furthermore, when we're upset we dont always act or react in calm, rational ways. I will agree that like typhoidmary said above that this does not mean that the OP's husband is losing interest in her. Porn usage is not a reflection on the wife. Still I think yes, Houston, we have a problem... Yes, I'm old (54 years) and old-fashioned but yes, I do think the OP has reason to be disturbed by this. While I'm on my granny's soapbox here, let me also say that I don't think porn is harmless and normal. It may be prevalent but that doesn't make it morally right. I think for many men it is an addiction which many men, maybe women also but not in as great of numbers, get pulled into because of our natural sexual desires and the ready availability of it. Yeah, I know a lot of you will say well, you're not addicted to it. May well be, but many men are. It's a trap IMO. It is also an industry which exploits women. Definitely something to be avoided. Is the stuff OP is describing "porn"? Well, as I said in my earlier post here, I think it qualifies as soft porn. (Kaykay climbs down from her soapbox now.)
Bottom line, if the OP thinks it's a problem and she does, it's a problem. She is certainly not the only woman who would think so either. Many, many, if not most wives would also be upset by finding such on their husband's browsing history, and I don't think they're being unreasonable.
Ok, you can blast me now for being old-fashioned, prudish, out of touch with reality or whatever but that's how I see things here.
Last edited by kaykay; 02-09-2010 at 08:16 AM..
Reason: add a point or two!
I'm sorry but I just have to disagree with many of you. I feel like many on this thread are trying to make the OP feel like she's the one who has the problem here. By her own admission, she may be insecure in her relationship. That's another issue, but I don't think it's unreasonable at all that she is upset. Furthermore, when we're upset we dont always act or react in calm, rational ways. I will agree that like typhoidmary said above that this does not mean that the OP's husband is losing interest in her. Porn usage is not a reflection on the wife. Still I think yes, Houston, we have a problem... Yes, I'm old (54 years) and old-fashioned but yes, I do think the OP has reason to be disturbed by this. While I'm on my granny's soapbox here, let me also say that I don't think porn is harmless and normal. It may be prevalent but that doesn't make it morally right. I think for many men it is an addiction which many, maybe women also but not in as great of numbers, get pulled into because of our natural sexual desires and the ready availability of it. Yeah, I know a lot of you will say well, you're not addicted to it. May well be, but many men are. It's a trap IMO. It is also an industry which exploits women. Definitely something to be avoided. Is the stuff OP describing "porn"? Well, as I said in my earlier post here, I think it qualifies as soft porn. (Kaykay climbs down from her soapbox now.)
Bottom line, if the OP thinks it's a problem and she does, it's a problem. She is certainly not the only woman who would think so either. Many, many, if not most wives would also be upset by finding such on their husband's browsing history, and I don't think they're being unreasonable.
Ok, you can blast me now for being old-fashioned, prudish, out of touch with reality or whatever but that's how I see things here.
No blasting from me I only wonder if perhaps the OP and her husband have different opinions on what porn is. For example, if he used to watch some seriously hard core stuff, he might not have considered this porn.
I definitely think she is right to be angry that he did not immediately admit to watching it and kind of think he is an idiot for using her computer to do so.
Alright, where to even start... After his nape he wanted to "explain". He said he has not looked at anything like that in 4 years and does not understand why it’s a big deal since he was just looking and not jerking off. I obviously think he is lying. I started to cry my eyes out and do what I always do when I can’t handle a situation and that’s clean like crazy, and he followed me around the house and talked a bunch of crap. Then he tells me that looking at porn is a problem he had before we got married and that he has prayed he could stop and had refrained from doing it for the last 4 years. Then he played victim and asked me to help him with his "addiction." Not sure how it’s an addiction since he claims to have not watched anything like that for 4 years. I got tired of the bull **** and was just getting more upset and feeling more hurt. I brought up that we hardly ever have sex and he tried to blame it on me saying that he wants it but I never want it when he does. He also admired to jerking off 3 times in the last 2 months which really means its 3 x some number. So he's actually jerking off more often then we are having sex. I think we have done it maybe 3 or 4 times since new years. He says he does it while I'm sleeping or working out. I don’t get it. I'm just so hurt and upset right now. He's sleeping in the guest room tonight and more then likely the next few nights. I don't even want him to touch me. Oh and he said he has no problem if I want to look at porn, yeah... right.... Oh and he says he only thinks of me when he masturbates, bull **** again. It's late so I'm going to try and get some sleep.
So you're micro-managing his rate of masturbation and who he can think about while doing it...wow, poor bastard. Let me put this as delicately as possible...you are extremely uptight! Borderline insane. I imagine you at your computer, composing flow charts and graphs, complete with mathematical formula's and equations. Or perhaps a detailed journal..."Day 1, hasn't beat off all day, but I suspect he fantasized about a tight 19 year old with an ass like a ripe peach...f***er!" "Day 2, He rubbed one off today, and I suspect it was that b i t c h with the tight ass he was thinking about, just wait 'till he gets home today!" "Day 3, caught him watching old Brady Bunch reruns again, I think he has a crush on Marsha...that b i t c h!"
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Your views on porn in a relationship
Kaykay gets on soapbox...
I feel like many on this thread are trying to make the OP feel like she's the one who has the problem here. By her own admission, she may be insecure in her relationship. That's another issue, but I don't think it's unreasonable at all that she is upset. Furthermore, when we're upset we dont always act or react in calm, rational ways. I will agree that like typhoidmary said above that this does not mean that the OP's husband is losing interest in her. Porn usage is not a reflection on the wife. Still I think yes, Houston, we have a problem... Yes, I'm old (54 years) and old-fashioned
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I only wonder if perhaps the OP and her husband have different opinions on what porn is. For example, if he used to watch some seriously hard core stuff, he might not have considered this porn.