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I agree but I don't want to sit on that porch with women whining about "no good men" out there, who really are settling for sitting on the porch. My back porch is a whine (not wine) free zone and a full bar zone. There's a big world out there and lots to explore, not enough time in one lifetime to do it all.
We will not be whining about men, I think this is some misinterpretation here, we will be smiling because we are happy with ourselves and our own choices.
I think it's odd that there has been almost no mention of "love" on this thread. When I met my husband, he certainly didn't fit any criteria I had. I had an advanced degree, a good job and had just bought a house. He'd just gotten out of the Navy, didn't have a job or a college degree and initially, I thought he hung around too much. But he made me laugh, he was a hard worker and very thoughtful. (I had a can opener that didn't work worth a crap and about the 3rd time he came over, he brought me a new one. I'll never forget that.) I realized that the more time I spent with him, the happier and more relaxed I became. Over time, we fell in love.
Now, 14 years later, we've been married 12 years, have a beautiful child together, a slightly bigger house and a strong, healthy relationship. He got his degree and we're equal partners in our relationship. We're not ecstatically happy all the time and have our snarly moments, but our love has grown and deepened over the years.
We still probably don't fulfill each other's checklists: I'm not built like Jessica Biel, don't play video games and hated The Matrix. He complains about the number of pets we have and will never be described by anyone as "easy-going," both things I would have thought were indispensable at one time.
But so what? You can have all the checklists you want, but there's no substitute for loving someone and having them love you. If you're blinded by your checklist requirements, you may miss out on the real thing.
This is a board of opinions; the post is about "should women settle" and I don't think anyone should ever "settle." That's just my opinion & I'm entitled to it.
If you have something to say, by all means feel free to say it. But my post wasn't about "should women settle." My post was specifically about what that poster wrote, about her life, how she is wondering what else is out there vs staying in her marriage. Do you see what I mean when I say that your life isn't relevant to my post?
Women hope to hide the evidence that they settled, which is why their lists start with the superficial unimportant things.
Unlike men, whose criteria is dosent weight over 130 lbs, hot, big boobs and no kids?
I believe both women and men in their younger years are more hung up on the superficial and overlook more important qualities. As we become older and wiser our requirements or lists or qualities or whatever you want to call them change. I have known ONE woman and ONE man who had a list of ridiculous requirements for dating.
I fit right in there with your #5. Your description couldnt be further from the truth. The truth is most of us marry because we fall in love with someone and we tend to overlook most undesirable characteristics. After divorce, which I would not describe as not being sucessful, you actually less likely to be blinded by superficial traits and less likely to accept certain behaviors.
I think it's odd that there has been almost no mention of "love"
Which is the saddest thing..People have taken love and the human element out of it and made relationships strictly about what they can personally gain from it..
Id want to stay far away from these people as possible..Obivously not the most warm effectionate bunch around..
Which is the saddest thing..People have taken love and the human element out of it and made relationships strictly about what they can personally gain from it..
Id want to stay far away from these people as possible..Obivously not the most warm effectionate bunch around..
People talk about dating like they're buying a car. "I wanted the Lexus, but I decided to settle for the Hyundai."
The truth is most of us marry because we fall in love with someone and we tend to overlook most undesirable characteristics. After divorce, which I would not describe as not being sucessful, you actually less likely to be blinded by superficial traits and less likely to accept certain behaviors.
Instead of asking whether it's good to settle, the question should be on what qualities should you be willing to settle. A lot of the divorced people I know talk about how they focused on the wrong qualities prior to their first marriage. They settled, but in the wrong way. A lot of guys do this. They marry someone really hot, but overlook some of her personality flaws. A lot of women do this too. They'll marry some guy who was tall, good-looking, ambitious only to find 10 years later that he made a lousy husband and father. When both of these divorced people reenter the dating world, it's with a different (and often more mature) perspective on what to look for in a partner. Then again, some people just repeat the same mistakes they made the first time.
Maybe it has something to do with on line dating sites. Fortunately, I have never done that, it seems so cold. Dating has changed since Ive been out there. Now Im going to have to come up with 300 things to analyse and judge about the opposite sex. 300. I think it might be easier to just switch sides.
Which is the saddest thing..People have taken love and the human element out of it and made relationships strictly about what they can personally gain from it..
Id want to stay far away from these people as possible..Obivously not the most warm effectionate bunch around..
I'm not a particularly emotional person. But "love", as it were, generally comes after you've spent time with a person. After you've had a chance to make some sort of bond through shared experiences. There are people who "fall in love" far too easily.
The first statement I made on an early dating site profile was something like, "are you all done being charted and typed?" I may have a few preferences, but I was always open to date many sorts of women. Even ones who might struggle to find themselves a date.
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There's a big world out there and lots to explore, not enough time in one lifetime to do it all.
