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Old 03-30-2017, 09:14 AM
Status: "When in doubt, don't doubt." (set 2 hours ago)
 
7,985 posts, read 276,312 times
Reputation: 181

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Why did God put an Atheist in charge of the Pearly Gates?

Answer:

You'll always have to show him Convincing Evidence before he lets you into Paradise.
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Old 03-30-2017, 09:22 AM
Status: "When in doubt, don't doubt." (set 2 hours ago)
 
7,985 posts, read 276,312 times
Reputation: 181
What's the one thing God as an Omniscient being can't do?

Answer:

Learn one more thing.
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Old 03-30-2017, 09:57 AM
Status: "When in doubt, don't doubt." (set 2 hours ago)
 
7,985 posts, read 276,312 times
Reputation: 181
Why is God unable to show up on Live Television for interviews?

Answer:

He's Infinite and can't fit in the Studio!!
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Old 03-30-2017, 01:28 PM
 
Location: Southern Oregon
2,885 posts, read 4,133,202 times
Reputation: 3074
Three blonds were out on an afternoon drive, they got into a terrible accident and all three were killed. They found themselves standing at the Gates of Heaven where St. Peter informed them that if they could answer one question they could get into heaven, if they couldn't answer, it was straight to hell.

He ask the first one, "What is Easter?" She answered, it is the celebration a the beginning of the year, St. Peter said, "nope, and in a poof she was gone.
He ask the second one: "What is Easter?", she said It's a holiday in July that we celebrate by setting off fireworks, St. Peter, said, nope, and poof she was gone.
He ask the third one: What is Easter? she said, it is a holiday celebrated in the spring time to celebrate Jesus return from the dead, and when he comes out of the tomb, if he sees his shadow we have 6 more weeks of winter. Poof she was gone
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Old 03-31-2017, 01:56 AM
 
Location: Nanaimo, Canada
1,808 posts, read 1,560,489 times
Reputation: 967
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.

One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him.

Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing."

God nodded in agreement.

The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away (as they say in basketball, nothing but net). A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.

The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."

God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?"

source: Golfing Priest Jokes - Sports Jokes
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Old 03-31-2017, 03:33 AM
Status: "When in doubt, don't doubt." (set 2 hours ago)
 
7,985 posts, read 276,312 times
Reputation: 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by FredNotBob View Post
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.

One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him.

Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing."

God nodded in agreement.

The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away (as they say in basketball, nothing but net). A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.

The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."

God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?"

source: Golfing Priest Jokes - Sports Jokes

Nice One
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Old 04-01-2017, 10:55 AM
Status: "When in doubt, don't doubt." (set 2 hours ago)
 
7,985 posts, read 276,312 times
Reputation: 181
Why did God reject Pie offered to him at a Party in Heaven?

He already has a Finger in every Pie.
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:09 AM
Status: "When in doubt, don't doubt." (set 2 hours ago)
 
7,985 posts, read 276,312 times
Reputation: 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by FredNotBob View Post
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.

One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him.

Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing."

God nodded in agreement.

The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away (as they say in basketball, nothing but net). A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.

The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."

God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?"

source: Golfing Priest Jokes - Sports Jokes
This teaches us that:

Thou Shalt Not Lie...unless you're a Deceitful Preacher with An Avid Passion for Golfing!!
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:48 AM
 
Location: alabama.
2,322 posts, read 1,693,121 times
Reputation: 4700
a group of religious people were traveling around the country a while back .. they visited the largest church in the west .. a magnificent glass cathedral obviously catering to some very wealthy members .. on a stand in the church was a platinum phone .. what is this for someone asked ? .. the head of the church proudly proclaimed .. for $50.000 a minute you can talk directly to GOD on this phone .. then the group went another well known church in the middle of the country .. a wonderful looking place with a golden dome .. there in the main hall they found a phone made of pure gold .. what is this for someone asked .. the head of the church said .. for $25.000 a minute you can talk directly to GOD on this phone ..then the group went to the south and found the poorest looking old run down backwoods baptist church in the state of alabama .. on the stand in the pulpit was a regular old black rotary dial phone ,, what is that for someone asked .. the preacher said .. for 25 cents a minute you can talk to GOD ... the group was quite taken aback .. we`ve been to the most prestigious religious institutions in the country and had the opportunity to speak to GOD on some of the most glorified phones ever and we come here and you people only have a cheap ordinary phone .. what`s up with that !! ..the preacher says .. well sir ... down south it`s a local call ....
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Old 01-06-2019, 11:04 AM
 
2,367 posts, read 2,338,852 times
Reputation: 2774
I saw these jokes posted today in the Philosophy Forum on C-D.com (with the particular thread titled "Favorite Philosophy Jokes?". I'll post them here (and give the credit for each of them to their individual C-D posters):


1. From a poster named ShouldIMoveOrStayPut...?:

a. Zen Buddhist Student: "I took levitation classes once, but I dropped out!"

b. I hear reincarnation is making a comeback!


2. From a poster named Rigby06:

Question: What is greater than GOD, worse than the Devil, the rich don't want it, and the poor have it? And if you eat it, you will die.

Answer: Nothing: Nothing is greater than GOD, nothing is worse than the Devil, the rich do not want nothing, the poor already have nothing, and if you eat nothing you will die.


3. From a poster named gentlearts:

Question: How many theologians does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: 100 – one to change the bulb, and 99 to explain why an infinite God of love would allow darkness to occur in the world at all.

Last edited by UsAll; 01-06-2019 at 11:40 AM..
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