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Who's to stop you if you carry your chess board into the Mall one day. I'll bet that would be a kick. You might have just thought of a great thing to do here...
In fact, I'm willing to bet the Mall would love it if you did that, and if it became a regular thing they might set up a "game area". We have a local grocery store that does that (Wegman's).
One of the things Malls in some areas are having to work through are loitering laws designded to prevent teens from gathering and hanging out balanced out with the interest of seniors as discussed in this thread. Some Malls have tried to have time of day based laws but in some areas homeless people can be a challenge in the morning. This includes high income areas which have homeless shelters often inhabited by for well off folks down on their luck. Shelters close during the day and malls are warm etc etc.
I suppose you could look at it that way. My mother just enjoyed watching people, always did. Maybe it allowed her to feel a part of the action. It would be nice if they had smorgosboard, chess, or some of those things elders used to do in the neighborhood park. Bingo seems to have gone too. Families cast aside their elders now, their too busy to be bothered.
Just FWIW - the places where I've seen chess played for the most part in recent years has been in public parks. Places ranging from Washington Square in Greenwich Village NYC to Hemming Plaza in JAX FL (the latter much closer to home). A lot of the people who play are older and dirty and homeless - but very respectable (or better) players. There is usually gambling involved . I have always been awful at chess. But I'd rather give $5 to a homeless person losing a game of chess than just giving the money outright. Robyn
My father delayed his retirement to age 67. When he finally did retire he kept ferociously busy. He volunteered for Habitat for Humanity and actually was rather skilled in carpentry. He owned and sailed a sailboat well into his seventies. He taught driving safety for AARP and was an active member. He spent considerable time sitting his grandchildren and seemed to enjoy it too. It was a godsend for my wife and I who both had to work. He usually took my mother on 2 major vacations a year. They never left the country, except for Canada. However, they drove over most of the continental United States. One time they took a ferry boat from Prince Rupert, Canada all the way up the Alaskan Panhandle.
He maintained a huge interest in current events and politics and even in the last months of his wife was happy about Obama's election as President. He often did not get along well with older people though. He grew impatient quickly with them and found too many to be narrow and myopic to suit him. Sadly, before his brother died a few years before, the two had become somewhat estranged. My father was educated and had a very different view of the world than his brother, my uncle, had and the two slowly stopped communicating with one another.
One particularly amazing and poignant moment occurred when my father was 84 and just a few months away from dying of colon cancer. He told me that he was looking for volunteer work to do because he and mother often found themselves bored at home and wanted more to do. About two weeks before he died, I caught him at home taking the trash out to the curb. Of course, I insisted on doing the job for him which he didn't like at all. At that time, he was bent over, the cancer had gotten to his spine. Even so, he resisted taking pain medication and seemed to be happier without any in his system. In the last four days of his life, he somehow drug himself to the bank to make his monthly deposits. During this trip, he also managed to get my blind mother into and out of the store. I don't know how he did it.
There is plenty to do for an elderly person who is motivated to do more than sit around the mall. This hopefully has given you some ideas. Life is too precious to simply waste.
In all honesty Mark - your story sounds stupid to me. The median age of our parents' death is > 84 (one died at 80 - 2 at 84 - and the third is still alive at 94). And 3 of the 4 were smokers!
What on earth do you gain by resisting pain meds when you have cancer mets in your bones? Not much I reckon. Perhaps your father was brought up to be stoic - or perhaps he didn't have appropriate end of life care?
And what's the deal with never traveling outside North America? My father was like that with my late mother. She always wanted to go on a cruise - but he never took her on one. The first time he ever went on a cruise was with his new girl friend after my mother died. So let's not praise our fathers in terms of being solicitous - especially when it comes to their wives. What's the story with your mother? Robyn
In all honesty Mark - your story sounds stupid to me. The median age of our parents' death is > 84 (one died at 80 - 2 at 84 - and the third is still alive at 94). And 3 of the 4 were smokers!
What on earth do you gain by resisting pain meds when you have cancer mets in your bones? Not much I reckon. Perhaps your father was brought up to be stoic - or perhaps he didn't have appropriate end of life care?
And what's the deal with never traveling outside North America? My father was like that with my late mother. She always wanted to go on a cruise - but he never took her on one. The first time he ever went on a cruise was with his new girl friend after my mother died. So let's not praise our fathers in terms of being solicitous - especially when it comes to their wives. What's the story with your mother?
Wow. I didn't expect to be told that the story sounded "stupid".
Dad died as I said at 84. My Mom is 93 going on 94. The only problem is she is completely blind from macular degeneration. My father-in-law died of cancer at 75 years of age. My mother-in-law is 89 and still relatively healthy. My parents smoked, but gave it up many years ago. I think it was about 1968. If your family met or beat those numbers smoking than they defied the averages.
The issue of pain medication with my father never made much sense to me either. He took prescription Lortab for a short time and gave it up. He didn't like the way it made him feel. I saw him virtually every other day during the last six months of his cancer and a constant question from me was "do you need anything for your pain?". Literally, when he was lying in bed during the last part of his illness, he was conscious enough to respond to me when I asked this same question. His answer repeatedly was "No, please...just let me sleep". He was very tired during the last weeks and on his final day, he never woke up.
His attitude towards pain was quite complicated. I saw him barely complain about fracturing a foot once and another time when he had a laceration on his hand. Yet, he would complain to no end about neck and back pain. He sought out physical therapy, chiropractic, and even the services of a neurosurgeon to deal with his neck and back pain. Than, after his appointment he'd carry 40 lbs sacks of water softening salt into his home.
We got a hold of Hospice. He only lasted one day though after we set him up with that. His suffering was a major concern of mine and I not only spoke to him, I spoke to his physicians. I feel confident I made appropriate decisions for him.
As far as travel goes, my father and mother simply lacked a desire to go outside their country. Even Europe never interested them as a destination. My mother's reaction to cruises has always been negative. She doesn't think "people should be waited on and pampered like that". I don't particularly agree. However, that's Mom.
Last edited by markg91359; 01-24-2013 at 07:09 PM..
Wow. I didn't expect to be told that the story sounded "stupid".
Dad died as I said at 84. My Mom is 93 going on 94. The only problem is she is completely blind from macular degeneration. My father-in-law died of cancer at 75 years of age. My mother-in-law is 89 and still relatively healthy. My parents smoked, but gave it up many years ago. I think it was about 1968. If your family met or beat those numbers smoking than they defied the averages.
The issue of pain medication with my father never made much sense to me either. He took prescription Lortab for a short time and gave it up. He didn't like the way it made him feel. I saw him virtually every other day during the last six months of his cancer and a constant question from me was "do you need anything for your pain?". Literally, when he was lying in bed during the last part of his illness, he was conscious enough to respond to me when I asked this same question. His answer repeatedly was "No, please...just let me sleep". He was very tired during the last weeks and on his final day, he never woke up.
His attitude towards pain was quite complicated. I saw him barely complain about fracturing a foot once and another time when he had a laceration on his hand. Yet, he would complain to no end about neck and back pain. He sought out physical therapy, chiropractic, and even the services of a neurosurgeon to deal with his neck and back pain. Than, after his appointment he'd carry 40 lbs sacks of water softening salt into his home.
We got a hold of Hospice. He only lasted one day though after we set him up with that. His suffering was a major concern of mine and I not only spoke to him, I spoke to his physicians. I feel confident I made appropriate decisions for him.
As far as travel goes, my father and mother simply lacked a desire to go outside their country. Even Europe never interested them as a destination. My mother's reaction to cruises has always been negative. She doesn't think "people should be waited on and pampered like that". I don't particularly agree. However, that's Mom.
I was surprised and saddened anyone would say your story was stupid. It was a nice caring story about your family. I don't see anything stupid at all in that. Again I was surprised to see the comment, and normally I would not mention anything about such a comment. Mainly because this is an argumentative website in many ways, where forums are constantly closed. I don't want any part of that. So this time I felt the need to say something, especially when someone is telling a story about their family.
One of the things Malls in some areas are having to work through are loitering laws designded to prevent teens from gathering and hanging out balanced out with the interest of seniors as discussed in this thread. Some Malls have tried to have time of day based laws but in some areas homeless people can be a challenge in the morning. This includes high income areas which have homeless shelters often inhabited by for well off folks down on their luck. Shelters close during the day and malls are warm etc etc.
Hmmm, you bring up an interesting point.
It's a challenging problem, to be sure, but I still tend to think that malls would want to encourage people hanging out--having people sitting on benches makes a mall more inviting than having one that is empty and has the appearance of having no shoppers. You could have a rule against sleeping in the mall, I suppose. That might--might--keep the homeless people from becoming a problem.
I have no idea what our local mall does regarding homeless people, but they must have figured out some sort of solution. I see a lot of people sitting in the chairs for long periods of time. Our mall has lots of comfy padded armchairs arranged in little "conversation" groupings, so it's common to see people sitting for long periods of time. I don't recall having ever seen someone sleeping, though.
Don't know if any of the people sitting in the chairs are homeless,--if they are, they blend in and don't cause trouble as far as I know. I read the crime reports in our local paper and every 4-5 months or so I read about an incident at the mall, but it's usually a story about a fender bender or teens shoplifting.
Wow. I didn't expect to be told that the story sounded "stupid".
Dad died as I said at 84. My Mom is 93 going on 94. The only problem is she is completely blind from macular degeneration. My father-in-law died of cancer at 75 years of age. My mother-in-law is 89 and still relatively healthy. My parents smoked, but gave it up many years ago. I think it was about 1968. If your family met or beat those numbers smoking than they defied the averages.
The issue of pain medication with my father never made much sense to me either. He took prescription Lortab for a short time and gave it up. He didn't like the way it made him feel. I saw him virtually every other day during the last six months of his cancer and a constant question from me was "do you need anything for your pain?". Literally, when he was lying in bed during the last part of his illness, he was conscious enough to respond to me when I asked this same question. His answer repeatedly was "No, please...just let me sleep". He was very tired during the last weeks and on his final day, he never woke up.
His attitude towards pain was quite complicated. I saw him barely complain about fracturing a foot once and another time when he had a laceration on his hand. Yet, he would complain to no end about neck and back pain. He sought out physical therapy, chiropractic, and even the services of a neurosurgeon to deal with his neck and back pain. Than, after his appointment he'd carry 40 lbs sacks of water softening salt into his home.
We got a hold of Hospice. He only lasted one day though after we set him up with that. His suffering was a major concern of mine and I not only spoke to him, I spoke to his physicians. I feel confident I made appropriate decisions for him.
As far as travel goes, my father and mother simply lacked a desire to go outside their country. Even Europe never interested them as a destination. My mother's reaction to cruises has always been negative. She doesn't think "people should be waited on and pampered like that". I don't particularly agree. However, that's Mom.
They sound like wonderful people to me mark, proud and independent as can be. They know what they want and what they don't want, and you respect their wishes. Thank you for sharing, and sorry you were put on the defense. That was ill-mannered.
In all honesty Mark - your story sounds stupid to me. The median age of our parents' death is > 84 (one died at 80 - 2 at 84 - and the third is still alive at 94). And 3 of the 4 were smokers!
What on earth do you gain by resisting pain meds when you have cancer mets in your bones? Not much I reckon. Perhaps your father was brought up to be stoic - or perhaps he didn't have appropriate end of life care?
And what's the deal with never traveling outside North America? My father was like that with my late mother. She always wanted to go on a cruise - but he never took her on one. The first time he ever went on a cruise was with his new girl friend after my mother died. So let's not praise our fathers in terms of being solicitous - especially when it comes to their wives. What's the story with your mother? Robyn
You sound like an angry young lady, sometimes you should bite that bitter tongue of yours.
I rarely go to local mall but last weekend went with wife. I did see some older people but they were far out numbered by young people who just seemd to be hanging around really.I mean the numbers were not even close in comparing.The thought hit me that it seemed strnage that some many young people had nothig better to do than hang around the inside of the mall when weather was nice out in 60's with sunshine.
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. I have always been awful at chess. But I'd rather give $5 to a homeless person losing a game of chess than just giving the money outright. Robyn
