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I am going to go against everyone else's advice and i say get married NOW in your 20's,if someone is available.
Why? I am 31 but many men consider women my age as "stuck in our ways".
Also,you might be so wrapped up in a career that you miss having a family.
i know plenty of successful career women in their 30's who wished they got married earlier and started a family.
Why?
A career cannot cuddle you at night nor give you children.
I played hard in my twenties and now what? I missed out.
Everybody else married in their 20's and i missed out.
Hmm interesting post, don't guys mature more in their thirties? It seems like there are many guys who are putting off marriage to a later age in this generation. Maybe it depends on the location? I dunno
What state are you in? Have you tried moving?
I'll take this into consideration. I guess there's pros and cons to everything.
Hear me: Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT marry in your 20s. You will change much, even if it's in small ways, during these years. No matter what, take a big breath and DON'T. Have fun, be daring, chase your dreams (other than marriage), work on your career, take chances, laugh, don't worry about what other people think of your choices, have SAFE SEX if you have sex, don't get hung up on a man, and remember something that is corny but it is SO TRUE: "No man is worth crying over, and the one who is would never make you cry." Never let a man define you...and never waste time on someone who won't move heaven and earth just to have the privilege of spending time with you.
You will never have these years again...there is plenty of time to settle down if that's what you want, but do not SETTLE and do not make excuses for anyone you become involved with. Expect the same from him as you would your girlfriends ... if he can't give you at least that much courtesy, he's not worth your time.
Learn to LOVE yourself, VALUE yourself, spend time with your parents when you can (before you know it they will be gone), LISTEN to the oldest people you know, ask them questions about what they regret and what they would have done differently... Develop strong relationships with other young women, cultivate their friendship, and while you're at it, learn to really see others who are in need, and give something of yourself or your funds to them too ...
Oh, yes, and please: TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY...build your muscles and get strong both in body and spirit. And stay that way now...don't wait.
The world should be your oyster right now ... Volunteer, play, work, have fun and LOVE YOUR LIFE...
Thank you so much for the advice!!!!!! How do I grow spiritually? I do need help in this department. I tried going to church more but it's not really working. I am pretty open minded person. I dunno, any suggestions?
Also,many people also agreed with your advice. Thanks to everyone who replied so far!
Some people are fortunate enough to actually meet their soul mate in their 20s. If they let them get away and hold out for someone supposedly different or better, they may regret it for the rest of their lives. Sometimes, people grow together and many marriages that started out when the couple was young are still going strong today.
I agree with everything else MagnoliaThunder posted and wish I had her to give me this advice when I was in my twenties!
Thank you so much for the advice!!!!!! How do I grow spiritually? I do need help in this department. I tried going to church more but it's not really working. I am pretty open minded person. I dunno, any suggestions?
Also,many people also agreed with your advice. Thanks to everyone who replied so far!
Spirituality and religion are not interchangeable. Listen to your inner-voice at a quiet moment in your life and reflect on how you can be the best most successful YOU, and take the necessary steps to become that person. You have lots of untapped positive energy and strengths that you will recognize and hopefully, develop as you mature. If you are at peace with yourself and comfortable in your own skin, you'd be surprised at the things you can do and you won't waste time sweating over the little things of things you can't change.
I'm only 30 now and getting married next month. I was in a LTR during most of my 20's and wish I would have taken more time to find myself and make really close friendships instead of focusing on a man. Be spontaneous, try new things, have an adventure. This is not to say you should sleep around but do take your 20's to have fun.
I am 22 and I was hoping you can give me some advice.
Do you have any regrets on how you lived your twenties? What things would you change? Anything you would do different?
Is there any advice you could give me? ( I am a female, last semester of undergrad and plan to relocate for grad school). I am ideally thinking of a big city like NYC or something of that nature. I live in the south so something different would be cool?
I must say I am still hurt over a two year relationship that ended a year ago. It was a serious LTR. He cheated on me and instantly got with a new girl. I know I am young but it still kinda hurts and it hurts the ego as well honestly. I am on the slower side when it comes to letting go. I am to soft hearted.
Do you advise LTR or marriages in your twenties? Do you wish you waited or not?
Any advice from social to personal relationships to financial. Any advice or encouragement.
Thank you my wise friends!
All. the. time. Well, what I wish is that I had listened to others. I also wish I had been more brave and mature. I wish that I had been more focused, more mature.
But, I had a good time in my twenties, despite some disastrous mistakes, financial and men-wise. There's nothing I can do about any of that now. Thankfully, I've learned a lot since then.
If I could go back in time and talk to my 22 year old self, I'd say, "Polly, go find your most stable friend and go to Europe for 6 months. Take a cooking class." That's what I'd do, because I really didn't do anything special at all and spent too much time worrying about men, which was really unwise.
My advice may be construed as terrible. But I believe you should ditch men your own age and start dating older, wealthy men. They have a lot more to offer you. Financial stability, mentoring, wisdom... they know how to treat a woman much better than some dumb kid. I would stay on this route until you are 30. Take all of their money and set it in an account. You can still date men your own age on the side. But only as a novelty.
Focus on your career. Be leery of any man who tries to pull you away from it. Because he may be gone tomorrow, and then what? Your own survival is crucial. No matter how much money comes your way, ask yourself if you could survive if it was pulled out from underneath you. Also, do not get into drugs. Do not smoke. Do not tan. Limit drinking to moderation. Consider your body as your temple. I cannot tell you the number of beautiful women I have seen ruined by excess. If you can avoid it you will be a standout in the crowd.
Do not worry about superficial appearances and relationships. They are all for show and won't mean much when you turn 30. Focus on cultivating meaningful and positive relationships of substance, wherever you may be lucky enough to find them. Hold on to those rare few and treasure them. They are a gift that gets better with time.
Lol that made me laugh for some reason. Thanks for the advice.
I'd like to congratulate the OP for asking for advice. When I was in my 20s I might have listened to some offered unsolicited, but I doubt I would have asked. People who have lived through experiences do, indeed, have wisdom to share, but beware if they expect you to do everything exactly as they did. Times do change. A LOT. Sometimes even for the better, although don't expect all retirees to agree with that.
First of all, be glad you got that first love thing under your belt. Yes, he cheated on you. And you are protecting your self-respect, which is a very positive thing. From my experience, I would be suspicious if a guy in his twenties ISN'T sexually curious. Just my opinion, but in my observation men who are eager to settle down in their twenties are likely to lack drive, imagination, and curiosity — all things that prevent people from becoming boring and set in their ways. Settle-down-types either become fuddy-duddies or have a serious mid-life meltdown. Some men are monogamous, but it usually takes them awhile before they learn the point of that. Two young women in my family both got married within a year after college. They are intelligent and educated, and were IN LOVE. They are both divorced now and facing their thirties with children and serious financial trouble. Don't be that woman! Marriage requires ultimate trust; it's not a good bet to trust a kid even if he sincerely means well.
I love your idea about moving outside your comfort zone for graduate school. I grew up in a very small town. I went to a college in a mid-sized city, then moved to Washington, DC, for my first job after graduation. I've never regretted either choice. One of the most fulfilling things you can do is to prove to yourself that you can function well in varied and challenging environments. You'll gain a lot of confidence from that. NYC would be taking the biggest bite of the apple (pardon the pun), but do pick one of the nation's biggest metros. The twenties is your time to explore, meet a lot of different people, have fun, and get started in a good job. An urban area is the place to do that.
Even if you decide to go back to the suburbs or a small town eventually, giving the big city a multiple-year trial will provide experiences you are unlikely to have elsewhere and you will gain tremendous confidence. Just be vigilant about safety and don't be naive about people's motives. The first interview I had for a second job in DC was something advertised in the Wash. Post and for a well-known lobbying organization. The man had me meet him in a respectable bar, but a bar. After ten minutes of talking to him, I realized that if he was hiring an assistant, all job duties weren't going to be office work. But, believe me, you learn from experiences like that and will laugh about them later.
Listen to what other people have told you about handling your money. Save something out of every paycheck, even if you have to scrimp elsewhere. It's sensible to buy used cars and used furniture while you're young. You can always get new later and if you move and then you can divest yourself of possessions without losing money. Do spend as much money as you can afford on travel, but again there's nothing to be gained from doing that in a luxury way when you're in your twenties. Backpack, take car adventures, go overseas on a shoestring. See your country and the world. Not only will you meet interesting people and have fun — understanding how other people live is one of the biggest growth experiences you can have in life. Talk to someone who was in the Peace Corps, taught English as a second language in another country, or went to school in another country. They will tell you that those experiences formed their outlooks on life.
Don't even think about getting married or having children until you are financially established. Don't assume that career and financial successes are going to come to you just because you have a good education. Even if your first job is a well-paid one, don't borrow against a lifetime of promotions and salary hikes. Stuff happens. Some of it to people who planned well and played by the rules. Career-wise, always be prepared to make your next move. Keep good contacts and network in your field. Ask for advice from people who are doing things you would like to be doing.
As for that luv thang, you obviously know how to fall in love, so it will happen again. But don't push it. Be involved in other positive activities. "The One" will find you when you are doing something you care about. People are at their most beautiful and vibrant when they are engaged in something they really care about. Whether it's high-minded or silly. You are the most attractive when you aren't thinking about your future but are engaged by your present.
Finally, I will share with you my personal motto: Try anything once ... but always know where the door is.
I am 22 and I was hoping you can give me some advice.
Do you have any regrets on how you lived your twenties? What things would you change? Anything you would do different?
Is there any advice you could give me? ( I am a female, last semester of undergrad and plan to relocate for grad school). I am ideally thinking of a big city like NYC or something of that nature. I live in the south so something different would be cool?
I must say I am still hurt over a two year relationship that ended a year ago. It was a serious LTR. He cheated on me and instantly got with a new girl. I know I am young but it still kinda hurts and it hurts the ego as well honestly. I am on the slower side when it comes to letting go. I am too soft hearted.
Do you advise LTR or marriages in your twenties? Do you wish you waited or not?
Any advice from social to personal relationships to financial. Any advice or encouragement.
Thank you my wise friends!
Yes, I have some regrets. I'm 43 now.
Most of my regrets boil down to one thing: Operating as if I had more time than I really did.
Not letting go of a bad relationship is a perfect example of this. I did this myself (in my 30s no less!!!). You don't have forever to find someone who you're compatible with. The good ones get taken relatively young. When it comes to relationships, it's an absolute must to learn how to sort through people quickly and to learn move on quickly if they're not a good match. I know that sounds kind of cold, but it's actually in everyone's best interest in the long run because no one's time is wasted. Here's a great book on the subject:
One other thing about relationships that it took me until age 35 to get through my head: Being in love is not enough! It's a great starting point, but never enough....so don't wear your heart on your sleeve. The above mentioned book goes into detail on all of this.
Same type of thing goes for both career development and saving for retirement. Start saving for retirement from the first paycheck you get. DO NOT put it off. Put away at least 10% of your paycheck in a 401K or IRA, preferably more. I wasn't so great at career development, but when I got my first decent paying job at 26, I did make a serious effort to pay down debt and save for retirement. I'm sooooo glad I did this....I have never had a great income, but I'm now in the position where I'm approaching quasi-financial independence. By that I mean if I lost good paying employment, I could work a crappy job and get by without worrying about retirement as long as I don't touch the retirement funds until my late 50s or early 60s. That's the result of diligent saving over the last 17 years. I could probably be in a much better position if I had not been so unfocused in my early 20s. This is a great blog on retirement issues:
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