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View Poll Results: Move back near family or stay in relationship?
Move Back near family 26 86.67%
Stay in relationship 4 13.33%
Voters: 30. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 02-27-2016, 12:23 PM
4,649 posts, read 6,477,998 times
Reputation: 5394


BF? 6 years? If you got sick what is the commit level between the BF and family? At any moment the BF can walk. Do what works for you but you can't get time and moments back.
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Old 02-27-2016, 12:27 PM
4,477 posts, read 4,738,767 times
Reputation: 9940
yes, or ask the question on the Parenting Forum.
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Old 02-27-2016, 12:37 PM
21 posts, read 16,553 times
Reputation: 43
That's true. I would hope that my family and BF would come together if I was to get sick. However, I don't want to wait that long. LOL
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Old 02-27-2016, 12:41 PM
6,875 posts, read 7,270,643 times
Reputation: 9785
-- Did you not think you'd miss them so much. How often can you afford to go back "home."
-- Could you add more activities to you retirement calendar and free time where you are -- so you "don't have time" to miss them so much.
-- Could something be lacking in your "new life" -- OTHER than missing your family. Has something not panned out there that you thought would be different?

I only know that I personally am not the type who could move away from family at THIS point in my life at 55. I plan to retire right back to our family home, in the city where I grew up and two siblings live. BUT, I did live out of the country for college study and grad school -- AND would do it again. In fact IF I can afford it, I hope to travel and be away a LOT in retirement. But home base will always be home base.

This is an issue and question that many retired people face to this is the place to seek comments. It's only been a year. I also would like to hear what others have to say. People have asked similar questions here before and no one balked. I think more comments from people who experienced what you are now will come.
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Old 02-27-2016, 01:17 PM
Location: Bakersfield, Ca
1,842 posts, read 1,369,273 times
Reputation: 3914
Im 53 husband 52 and we have lived all over the world , However , we are rather alternative in our lifestyle and looks so when we left my native Texas 5 years ago for Seattle, we asked the older kids if any wanted to come with us because we may not have the funds at any random time they might change their minds.

We are glad we moved , Its a 2 way street . We still have our last also alt teenage girl ( 15) with us .

The 2 in Holland are resentful (26 and 30) .Period .Won't budge.

One of mine that did make the whole trip here went back to Texas after a fight with her B/F now COMPLETELY REGRETS IT , wants to come back but now has a child and I cannot afford a bigger place.

She is 22 and works managing a convenience store . I tried to get them a plane ticket ONCE & she missed the flight to stay with her bf at the time so I wont be doing that again .We casually skype like they were right here , spur of the moment skyping.

Another moved to Chicago on his own wishing he'd come with me. He is 25 - we skype alot . He is a doll. He is an RN and a male model has modeled since he was little .

The rest stayed in Tx and sometimes speak . I only have one life to live and we gave them all a choice.

They can come to see us FAR easier than all 3 of us come to see them . Some of them have that Texas thing going on where they think there IS no better place to be 365 of the year than Texas , so whatever.

Those are the same kids angry at me because I am being cremated AND interred at Hollywood Forever Cemetery . I LOVE IT THERE and have for decades. They were so mad they all 3 ( ages 27, 30 and 32 actually called me on the PHONE to demand I return to Tx upon death .. I said why ??? YUCK NO !! They said so we can visit you when we want and I replied , you should have seen me when I was alive !!

I lived with a dude ONCE ,for 2 years , and it was a VERY bad experience , I either date and maintain my own place/life or marry . Sounds old fashioned I know but if we still haven't made up our minds after 6 years it means either me or him arent all that into it . Like the commitment level another poster was talking about .

That is just me though .

Last edited by DutchessCottonPuff; 02-27-2016 at 01:27 PM..
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Old 02-27-2016, 02:20 PM
Location: Wisconsin
17,016 posts, read 17,327,635 times
Reputation: 41286
Originally Posted by Koda12 View Post
Moved from NY TO FL because of weather, finances, etc. However I followed him... Not my idea. If sitation was different between him & family the move might not be bad but my Children should feel comfortable visiting me and they don't.
Originally Posted by Coney View Post
If the choice is between a boyfriend, even one of 6 years, and your own children, the decision is a no-brainer.

I know that you are not married, but wonder if there is some financial incentive for the boyfriend alienating you from your family. Do have property and other assets?

I agree. I would choose my children over a BF any time.

Unless there is something else really, really important that you left out leave him and move back to where your family lives.
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Old 02-27-2016, 02:30 PM
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,726,438 times
Reputation: 32304
I disagree with the opinion that the decision is a "no brainer". None of us can say what the OP ought to do because it all depends on the quality and depth of the relationship with the boy friend versus the quality and depth of the relationship with the adult children. How can we, as outsiders, presume to judge that?

Some people, especially but not limited to women, are joined at the hip for life wth their children. Other people, including some women, are not. It sounds like the OP may be one of the former. OP, no one can really help you with this - not that we don't want to, but I can't think of a situation of being torn between two alternatives which is more intensely personal that yours. Is staying with the boy friend worth being far from the children? Is being close to the children worth breaking up with the boy friend? Imagine your life both way, and then make the admittedly difficult choice.
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Old 02-27-2016, 02:41 PM
Location: SoCal
13,200 posts, read 6,308,074 times
Reputation: 9815
I would live your life. If you like this boyfriend then stay. If things don't work out move. In the meantime, renting is best. Nothing should be permanent.
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Old 02-27-2016, 03:50 PM
4,787 posts, read 9,292,750 times
Reputation: 12632
Seems like you have a relationship problem with the boyfriend more than a location problem with your children.

What if your boyfriend were warm and fuzzy with your family ? What if your kids felt comfortable visiting in FL? What if your boyfriend was happy to fly back to NY a couple/ few times a year ? Would you be having this need to make a choice then ?

I think that is the basic problem. I also think you've made up your mind- you want to go back to NY. Then go. This boyfriend is incompatible for some reason with your family and is going to stay that way for the long term.

The big question is- can you afford to move back to NY and live on your own ? Lots more expensive in NY than FL. I'm assuming you live some where near NYC - upstate NY not so much of a problem. If you can live on your own, I'd leave the boyfriend and go back.
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Old 02-27-2016, 06:02 PM
Location: New Mexico U.S.A.
25,313 posts, read 41,394,152 times
Reputation: 29403
Originally Posted by Coney View Post
You may want to ask a moderator to merge or delete all of your posts with the same question.
Threads merged...
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