Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I feel what is highly under appreciated is the physical and emotional effort required by those of us with ASD, in order to appear 'normal' to those who are not afflicted.
Oh please, you strive to appear 'normal' in order to get what you want. In actuality, you're not doing us any favors. 95% of ASD/NT marriages fail. It's not the ASD men filing for divorce.
I highly recommend "The Aardvark's Wife" to anyone who wants to learn more about this.
It is truly a constant daily battle to force ourselves to engage in highly uncomfortable activities; such as striking up a simple and meaningless conversation with a stranger, public speaking to even a small group, or volunteering to lead any activity.
And you imagine NTs do those things effortlessly, without a second thought. LOL!
Quote:
Yet this is what the NT's expect of everyone. So we ASD individuals go forth and expend the emotional efforts necessary, which become physically exhausting as well, to conquer our fears and retake control of our lives. At least, those of us who can.
Spare me the "My struggle is greater than yours" hooey. I get enough of that at home, where a hangnail trumps an arthritic knee.
This is a guy who thinks his co-workers are his friends, who gets upset whenever any of them leave the company. He is by far the oldest employee.
Does he stay friends with people who have left the company? My guess is "no." If I'm correct, that shows they were merely "work friends."
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat
I understand I'm asking him to give up his "friends" at work and his non-work actual friends.
Actual friends will come visit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat
I am seriously considering putting the other house back on the market. We'll lose money but I can't keep living like this.
What would you do?
Here is what I would do:
Set a move date.
Schedule the mover.
Start packing your belongings.
Interview real estate agents to sell your Bay Area house. Have them come through when your hubby is home.
So far, all you've done is talk to him (perhaps including a heated discussion/argument or two). It is time to act. If it were me, I would show I've made up my mind (which I infer you have) and move to Scottsdale. That's where your future life will be.
You hubby needs to decide if he's going to:
stay in the Bay Area or move to Scottsdale, and
continue to work remotely for his current employer, or not.
Those decisions are his to make, and the best you can do is influence his decisions. You influence him by moving to Scottsdale.
Yep, I know! Maricopa County is growing like wildfire (net migration 33,000 people annually) and there are volunteer opportunities for every interest. There are so many activities we could be involved in, both together and separately. I think some earlier posters had it right: He's too invested in his job to see that life could be better without it.
Because it is growing like wildfire with net in migration, that means it will be easy to meet new friends and develop a new social life. Take advantage of that now.
We traveled with our elderly cats (one made it to 18; the other to 20.5). Silicon Valley <=> Park City, Silicon Valley <=> Las Vegas, Las Vegas <=> Park City. Several times/year.
We never put them in a crate. We just let them roam free in the SUV. The covered litter box was in the back. Periodically they would come up front, look out the window, seek affection, and then go back and sleep in their bed.
Cats travel very well on long drives. If they freak out at first, that is because they think they are going to the Vet. Once they figure out they are not, they like the nap time.
I found they prefer to drink water & eat when the car is stopped with the engine off in a parking lot - or when you're in line at the Costco gasoline station, so give them a break from the road every now and then. Don't feed/water them prior to the drive starts up and they settle down. Wait until you're on a straight highway so they don't get car sick & barf.
Another thing private pilots do is transport dogs who have been adopted from out of state. There is an organization for this... can't remember what it is called.
Pilots and Paws is one.
ETA: The cat will be fine but I would be sure and use a crate. Most cats are a little nervous about travel and a crate will make sure they don't accidentally escape. Just be sure and get the cat used to the crate at home if he/she hasn't traveled in one before.
I say move to AZ and you husband can stay or go as he pleases. My guess is he'll eventually join you. He job won't want him working there forever.
I would guess there is a lot more to this story than a husband who is somewhere on the autism spectrum. We are only getting one side of the story and even that does not seem to make sense.
I have lived and visited the Bay area numerous times and I lived in the Phoenix area for four years. No Way would I or my wife want to move from the Bay area to anywhere in Arizona. I love to visit the desert southwest and in fact spent most of the past Fall there. But I would not want to live there again. Forget the climate, it is an intellectual desert with barely a hint of culture. The Bay area by contrast is an entrepeneurial and technological center with great universities and art.
I wore out and retired at 64, but I can understand that someone working in the right exciting environment would want to continue. What would I do in Arizona makes perfect sense to me.
I feel bad for the husband. Take him away from things he loves could be considered a crime in some circles. I would never do it. At this age, anybody could be dead in any day, let him live his life. How do you feel if he’s dead tomorrow, who are you going to manipulate.
I often joke that my husband has one of those problems too, he’s an engineer after all.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
