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Or, tell him to purchase a nice Elecraft radio as a retirement gift. That should be a huge incentive because their radios are simply wonderful instruments which he can build.
Wow, that looks like an amazing project! Maybe I'll buy one and tell him he can't have it until he retires. Dangle it like a carrot.
I work in IT. Unless you're in some sort of R&D network role, most network engineers have terrible hours. They have to pull at least forty hours during the standard business week, and there is always sort of change or maintenance that has to be done after hours when most of the users are away.
I don't know why anyone wouldn't want out of the IT lifestyle. It's just a miserable way to earn a living IMO.
I have hobbies and interests. I work to support those hobbies and interests. I damn sure do not live to work.
Clearly, her husband doesn't share your opinion. Not everyone hates IT work.
Wow, that looks like an amazing project! Maybe I'll buy one and tell him he can't have it until he retires. Dangle it like a carrot.
Go for it. Trust me, I built one of their earliest models - one of the first few hundred built. They've only improved their design since. Huge, huge fun for radio nerds.
I've noticed people saying to look around for things that would interest your husband.
Well, I have another thought. While in AZ, find things you like to do, make new friends, try something new.
If you can establish a relationship with something you want to do, like to do, and new people, it may convince you to stay there and leave your hubby to his own devices. He needs to take responsibility for himself.
There are a lot of great suggestions here for his entertainment in AZ. Maybe you could make a list and leave it for him to look at while you're gone accepting delivery on the new furniture. Give him positive things to think about - and just as importantly, time to think.
My two cents is to stay away at least a week; two would be better. Get that bedroom arranged just as you like, enjoy sleeping in your new bed, and take some walks in your new area. Meet people. Have coffee in as many bistros as you can find. Read. Get some sun.
In other words, let yourself sample the new life the two of you have planned. You don't have to wait for him, truly. He'll come along when he's ready. That's no excuse for not living the life YOU want, right now, in AZ. His wants are NOT more important than yours. Convince yourself of that!
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat
Me, too.
Every time I think it's worked out I find there's something he's been holding back from me.
You know, this would be a huge red flag for me. This type of behavior is not fair in a marriage. It's dishonest. And I think it's an indicator that you need to be watching out for you, because it doesn't appear he is. Go. Go have fun!!! And let the so-called "abandonment issues" (we all have issues, duh) fall where they may.
^^^ You can do both. Look for things you like to do AND things he might enjoy doing while he's there.
The reason I'd look for a few things he might like is two fold. First, it might work as far as the ultimate goal, of getting him comfortable with the idea of retiring. Secondly it helps fight his worries that you will be abandoning him. Is he being silly about this? Yes. But you love him and you want to have a happy life with him. Doing little things that show you are thinking of him even when you are living apart, might be indulging a weakness in someone who is being childish, but sometimes you have to keep your eye on the ultimate goal and not get caught up in things like that. Basically, what you want to do is keep his fear of abandonment from blowing up in your face. The abandonment fear is a powerful one, you want to make sure he knows you're only apart physically and will only be apart until that day when he joins you. Then he is the one abandoning you, which gives him at least some feeling of control, making the idea much more palatable to him.
Your hubby isnt a child to be convinced to do something different. He's doing what he wants to do, where he wants to do it. There is no reason you both cant do what you both want to do. It will take a little compromise, you visiting him; him visiting you. You're both adults and you know what you want; he wants to work, you want to retire somewhere else. Planes fly both ways. Make it work.
Just wanted to mention that I bring a very lightweight nylon folding stool with me at all times outside so I can sit and rest while walking a short distance - and use it inside the house too - in kitchen and wherever I am.
It helps a lot! (I have the ALPS stool which they no longer offer, but they have a foldable $39 stool with a back that is just like it) Since they're foldable, it helps. (this remedy is due to severe arthritis)
His commute can't be worse than yours, i.e. Scottsdale, AZ <-> Silicon Valley, CA.
Yeah but on average I only do it once a month.
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