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The answer is: Whatever the heck you want to do!!!!!!!
I HATE when people ask this question, when most of us working stiffs can only DREAM of all the things we would love to be doing if we weren't at work every day from 9-5, 5 days a week.
The marriage has been troubled for years, as written extensively by the OP on City-Data forums for years -
so every decision about work, retirement, houses, and everything else is in the context of a troubled marriage and very troubled relationship.
Still, the best advice given in posts above is 'do what you want to do'.
I think physical separation and separate decisions probably puts even additional strain on the relationship and marriage - psychological strain and also feels threatening.
The answer is: Whatever the heck you want to do!!!!!!!
I HATE when people ask this question, when most of us working stiffs can only DREAM of all the things we would love to be doing if we weren't at work every day from 9-5, 5 days a week.
I know, right?
Let's say I've been made the Retirement Fairy. You have three wishes for your retirement. What are they?
Oh please, you strive to appear 'normal' in order to get what you want. In actuality, you're not doing us any favors. 95% of ASD/NT marriages fail. It's not the ASD men filing for divorce.
I highly recommend "The Aardvark's Wife" to anyone who wants to learn more about this.
And you imagine NTs do those things effortlessly, without a second thought. LOL!
Spare me the "My struggle is greater than yours" hooey. I get enough of that at home, where a hangnail trumps an arthritic knee.
Just for clarity - by NT do you mean Neuro-Typical, or Intuitive Thinker (Myers-Briggs)? I think you mean the former. I would think most AST/NT marriages, the man is the Aspy one, but I don't know that.
As to what to do about your situation - I think you have done what you can, you are in AZ, DH is still in SF, doing his job, which apparently he really does like. Maybe he will figure out he can retire if he wants. I'm 61 and still working, still enjoying the work and the money is not bad. But, at 68, I'm not sure I will still be at work. At 65 you have Medicare, if you are going to get a pension, you are getting all you are going to get. Not that many people are all that active past about 80. If he wants to have a retired life, he needs to get on with it. Using 80 as a limit, just as a guess, he's looking at 12 years of doing fun stuff, if he pulls the trigger today.
Assuming he's really still fit to fly, if he would get his airplane in shape, that might make going back and forth a little more fun and do-able.
If he wants to have a retired life, he needs to get on with it. Using 80 as a limit, just as a guess, he's looking at 12 years of doing fun stuff, if he pulls the trigger today.
The above is so TRUE! And years in retirement FLY BY extremely quickly - I cannot believe that I've been retired almost NINE years!! It seems like only two years at the very most. The days cannot fly by any more quickly!
I remember when working how slowly some or many days would go, and how long the work week would seem. And some work afternoons.....slowly waiting until 5pm or 5:30pm or 6pm.
JUST THE OPPOSITE IN RETIREMENT! A day barely gets started and it's over - for me at least. One reason is because retirement is SO ENJOYABLE!
Just for clarity - by NT do you mean Neuro-Typical, or Intuitive Thinker (Myers-Briggs)? I think you mean the former. I would think most AST/NT marriages, the man is the Aspy one, but I don't know that.
Neurotypical:
not displaying or characterized by autistic or other neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior.
Quote:
Assuming he's really still fit to fly, if he would get his airplane in shape, that might make going back and forth a little more fun and do-able.
That would be yet another thing I would have to convince him of and as I've previously pointed out, I've never been able to convince him to do anything.
...Which makes all the more amusing the various accusations of "manipulation" in this thread, as if he's a puppet and I'm Machiavelli pulling the strings.
Fluffy: I know this will sound positively awful.
A lot of people have mentioned that life is short, and I agree.
My thought today is that it is sadly possible you could drop dead while waiting for him to respond positively. Nobody is promised tomorrow. None of us. If there is something you really want to do, it might be a good idea to do it. You might not have another chance.
not displaying or characterized by autistic or other neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior.
That would be yet another thing I would have to convince him of and as I've previously pointed out, I've never been able to convince him to do anything.
...Which makes all the more amusing the various accusations of "manipulation" in this thread, as if he's a puppet and I'm Machiavelli pulling the strings.
Well, you kind of are the one pulling the strings, since apparently if you were not in the picture, he would just stay there and work till that last day they carry him out feet-first.
It's just that the strings don't work right, he's not responding "right" to your input.
The plane thing is just nuts, to me. On multiple levels. I mean, I have motorcycles that I have not ridden in a few years, some need work, some are basically ready to roll if I would just get on them, but other "stuff" related to having a ranch-ette and a serious job seem to always bully their way to the head of the line, using up the time I would rather put on the bikes. But bikes in a garage don't deteriorate much, a plane sitting outside at a repair facility has to be costing money, and not providing any fun or useful flying.
The Hell of it is, if he would just sell the SF residence, even if it's more or less a dump, that would provide more than enough $ to fix the airplane, all in one go.
I do wonder if he's not flying often at all how proficient he still is. But that can be fixed as well, if he's willing to spring for some refresher lessons.
I thought it was said that age 68 is too old to be flying an airplane - for many people at least. (I'm sure there are probably exceptions) Because it was said upthread that is why commercial pilots are forced to retire at age 60.
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