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Old 06-28-2019, 04:45 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,799 posts, read 1,824,401 times
Reputation: 10660

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I am old (hence, posting in the Retirement Forum).

I have a couple of relatives who are problematic and one who actively "bothers" me.

I have been in fear of the person showing up on my doorstep (because it has happened several times).

I am a soft-touch, and have a hard time saying "no."

I have become enamored of the "other" coast. I have fantasies of moving away - but here is the catch:

I AM OLD!!!

I have a home that was remodeled so I could "age in place."

I have relatives within an hour away - so if I become decrepit, they would be relatively nearby to at least "manage" my care.

What is to consider moving FAR AWAY from family in old age?

I thought today that I could perhaps live happily "far away" for years - but if I were to get super old an infirm, then I could move back to my current home.

Then there is the prospect of moving "far away" and the difficult people coming to stay with you (I am trying to avoid them staying with me).

Thanks for ideas.

Last edited by nobodysbusiness; 06-28-2019 at 05:00 PM..
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Old 06-28-2019, 04:57 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
16,334 posts, read 10,324,206 times
Reputation: 28449
have one (or more) of your relatives who would take care of you in your decrepitness talk to the leach.


learn to say no. seriously. Sounds like you are your own worst enemy. If that really puts you in danger, talk to a policeman.
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Old 06-28-2019, 05:11 PM
 
1,319 posts, read 642,453 times
Reputation: 4201
There are many over 55 communities, that have volunteers, that will help you out if needed.
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Old 06-28-2019, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,937 posts, read 5,293,703 times
Reputation: 17896
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
I am old (hence, posting in the Retirement Forum).

I have a couple of relatives who are problematic and one who actively "bothers" me.

I have been in fear of the person showing up on my doorstep (because it has happened several times).

I am a soft-touch, and have a hard time saying "no."

I have become enamored of the "other" coast. I have fantasies of moving away - but here is the catch:

I AM OLD!!!

I have a home that was remodeled so I could "age in place."

I have relatives within an hour away - so if I become decrepit, they would be relatively nearby to at least "manage" my care.

What is to consider moving FAR AWAY from family in old age?

I thought today that I could perhaps live happily "far away" for years - but if I were to get super old an infirm, then I could move back to my current home.

Then there is the prospect of moving "far away" and the difficult people coming to stay with you (I am trying to avoid them staying with me).

Thanks for ideas.
How old? Aging in place doesn't seem to be working out very well for you. Only you can solve the problem with the relative. Why don't you just tell them they can't stay with you.
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Old 06-28-2019, 06:12 PM
 
Location: the Old Dominion
294 posts, read 148,682 times
Reputation: 1382
Default ...be like Gene Tunney and get off that mat..

My mother has this problem with a younger sister who is a hateful person. It took years of coaxing and encouragement from me alone (my siblings, all older, can be pretty worthless) to get my mother to finally tell her sister to stay out of her life. Even then, I have to regularly check in to see that this tyrant stays out because people of this kind of sick mindedness do not readily give up their victims.
Nobodiesbusiness, you need an advocate. A strong advocate who will chase off this wolf. But this can only work if you make it clear that you no longer want this other person around. Even then, the miscreant will allow time to pass and will convince himself/herself that he/she really loves and cares for you, but is misunderstood. They wait for you to lower your guard.
I have lost all respect for my mother's siblings for letting this go on for so long. I am talking decades.
Find your advocate, get this relative out of your life and lift this burden off your back. You deserve to enjoy your life on your terms.
By writing this thread, you have taken a big step. Let this make you strong. And you have all these people on Retirement Forum who care about you (help me out, NYGal).
I am pulling hard for you.

- Johnny Boy
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Old 06-28-2019, 06:22 PM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,482 posts, read 62,084,629 times
Reputation: 32131
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
I have relatives within an hour away - so if I become decrepit,
they would be relatively nearby to at least "manage" my care.

I have a couple of relatives who are problematic and one who actively "bothers" me.
I have been in fear of the person...
I am a soft-touch, and have a hard time saying "no."

Thanks for ideas.
If you could count on that first group of relatives to be helpful 'then'..
they should be willing to be helpful NOW to help you deal with the problem relatives.
Next up is your County social services for seniors people. You should probably call them on Monday anyway.
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Old 06-28-2019, 06:26 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,799 posts, read 1,824,401 times
Reputation: 10660
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRational View Post
If you could count on that first group of relatives to be helpful 'then'..
they should be willing to be helpful NOW to deal with the problem relatives.
Next up is your County social services for seniors people. You should probably call them on Monday anyway.
No - they would never "help" me because of family dynamics that were created by the difficult people, but when I am super old, I think they would arrange things for me - and I would guess that would be easier the closer you are in proximity to people.

Note: I wouldn't be just moving to escape - I may also like the new place - it could be really fun - I have only visited once, so not completely sure - just thinking of options.

Also: I did look up elder abuse and put some number in my phone.
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Old 06-28-2019, 06:57 PM
 
6,303 posts, read 5,042,575 times
Reputation: 12799
I think about escaping to a much smaller isolated town.

I live in a pretty small town now. But it is close to a big city - just 20 miles down the road.

The town i would move to is really small. They were happy when they got a Dollar General store. I have relatives there and my dream is to just mingle with them and learn more about my paternal family.
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Old 06-28-2019, 07:21 PM
 
Location: on the wind
7,072 posts, read 2,899,892 times
Reputation: 23934
Is geographical "escape" really escape? You need to deal with the relative one way or the other or it won't matter. They may be slightly less likely to live in your house if you move, but they will still live in your head.
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Old 06-28-2019, 07:25 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,799 posts, read 1,824,401 times
Reputation: 10660
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia View Post
Is geographical "escape" really escape? You need to deal with the relative one way or the other or it won't matter. They may be slightly less likely to live in your house if you move, but they will still live in your head.
I think I would feel emotionally freer and "safer."
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