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You know you're old when "getting some action" means the MiraLax has finally kicked in.
You know you're old when your hip goes out more than you do.
At 25, you were always looking for a hip new joint. 50 years later and you're looking for a new hip joint.
LOL... That's one list of "Inconvenient Truths"......
Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran
I don't know any retirement jokes, but I read the comic strip Pickles in my FB feed. We relate to many of the strips.
Please don't hesitate to come up with your own, don't worry if you think they would be dumb (just look at MY jokes ). The only bad joke is the one that hasn't been told..
Commuted Sentence:
A. Early release of a prisoner for good behavior/overturned conviction/etc
B. Someone who takes early retirement so they don't have to commute anymore...
A man who owned a lifetime’s collection of prized, high-prestige woodworking and carpentry and other tools kept telling his wife he wanted them all to be buried if he died before she did. He harangued and harassed and hounded her to promise that she would do as he requested. She asked why did this matter so much when he would be dead anyway? He said, “Because you might remarry, and I don’t want some azzzzzhole to have them.”
Her retort: “Why on earth would I marry another azzzhole?!?”
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home, reminiscing.
The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers, and demonstrated with her hands the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, then demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
Then the third old lady chipped in with: "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home, reminiscing.
The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers, and demonstrated with her hands the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, then demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
Then the third old lady chipped in with: "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."
Question: What do men over 70 wear-boxers or briefs?
Answer: Depends.
Cat
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...
). The only bad joke is the one that hasn't been told..
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