Retirement Joke Thread (crying, 2015, retired, vacation)

[ShouldIMoveOrStayPut...?]

Because the Forum needs one!!

Post em if you've got em, or create your own...

Hipster:

A. A person who follows the latest trends and fashions, especially those regarded as being outside the cultural mainstream.

B. A retired person with a new hip(s) after replacement surgery.


Retired (Re-tired) Person:

A person with new tires that should be good for another 100,000 miles with regular maintenance and oil changes...


A retired person walks into a bar...

Anytime of the day/day of the week they choose to....

[Lodestar]

http://www.dumpaday.com/?attachment_id=60965

One I probably shouldn't laugh at because it's true -

We had older friends. No matter what was ailing him she would always one-up him that she was feeling worse than he was.

He went back to Europe on vacation to visit family and while he was there he died. Two days later she also died.

I couldn't help but think of the old joke about the cemetery monument that was inscribed, "I told you I was sick."

[V8 Vega]

The retirement joke here is the Going Back to Work thread.

[Lodestar]

Because you asked -

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying. The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”

The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?” The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”

Read more on page: An old man walks into a bar, s... | Jokes of the day (47287)

[NYgal1542]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This is good! I'll check out the link for the other jokes. They are needed today.
Why, you might ask:


One of the ladies where I live died yesterday.
Another lady here just went to a nursing home and won't return.

Then I read a news article. Two apartments about half a mile away from where I live were shot at last night, 9 to 12 bullets in each apartment. Thankfully nobody killed or hurt.

[carnelian]

From Ronald Reagan,


You know you are old when out of all the things to do in the evening,
you choose the one that gets you back home by 9:30. So true.

[ShouldIMoveOrStayPut...?]

^^^^ You know you're old when your childhood toys start showing up on Antiques Roadshow...

Great jokes everyone...

"Snowbird"

A retired person who moves north to enjoy ice fishing, snowshoeing, splitting their own firewood and winter bird watching (they come around the feeder more in the winter)...

[Xenah]

You know you're retired when "happy hour" is a nap.

[Lodestar]

Friends: "Well, Mr. and Mrs. Lodestar, what are you two doing these days?"

He: "Brushing."

Me: "Flossing."

[jamary1]

You know you're old when "getting some action" means the MiraLax has finally kicked in.


You know you're old when your hip goes out more than you do.


At 25, you were always looking for a hip new joint. 50 years later and you're looking for a new hip joint.