New Englander in SD having a hard time "connecting" with people (San Diego: sales, neighborhood)

[AADAD]

People in many places seek relationship. San Diego and LA in general I find do not. They are pretty much content not going out of their way. They are not mean at all. I don't know why that yearning which I have found in many places is less here, but it is. People here are more insular. If you want an open city where people are very happy to make new relationships SF is a better bet IMO.

[loveautumn]

Canes, you are so right on about this. I have seen it time and time again. If you are into a good time all the time and never have any problems or try to get real, then you will have lots of friends in this place....and this doesn't just go for younger people either, I see it in every age group.

I've lived here 34 years and have had many "friends" come and go but right now I have 2 and a half close friends that I have known for a long time to show for 34 years in SD, but they are wonderful and it took time to cultivate those friendships. I thought about that a few weeks ago...I heard someone say once in this day and age, if you have one good friend you can really count on, then count yourself blessed.

One thing, when you get married and have kids, then that becomes the common thread for alot of people socially. Otherwise, everybody seems to fall into the "transient" population no matter how long you live here.

[ambermerci]

Hi Josh,
I feel the same way. I've been here 9 months. We stayed in san diego for 2 weeks before making our way to LA.
I noticed in san diego people were A LOT DIFFERENT THAN LA. Very laid back, calm, sometimes almost dead to the world. Back east, even in the remote /suburban areas people are generally more fast paced/quick witted and perky. There are definate east coast/west coast differences in attitudes/personalities.
Not to say one is better than the other, but definately takes adjustment.
And I think no matter where you are from, you always carry a little bit of home with you, and get "homesick".
I love california for the cultures/sunshine/and free spirit but there's days when I miss the fast pace and directness of the east coast.

[*Blackhawk*]

Wow, this post pretty much echoes my perceptions on SD. I am originally from the east coast and lived in Ventura County for eight years prior to moving to SD last month. It seems to me that unless you're willing to create the facade of having the "perfect life", making friends is going to be challenging here. I've noticed that a lot of people in SD (and much of SoCal, for that matter) are so consumed with trying to look beautiful, hip and wealthy that having a meaningful interaction with "normal" individuals is beneath them.
Seems to me that if you're looking for party friends, you should have no trouble finding them in SD. But if you want a real friendship with substance, you'd probably have an easier time finding a three-legged purple unicorn here ...

[sav858]

Originally Posted by Losfrisco

Yes, and I'd say this a San Diego problem, not a California problem. I've never had it in LA or SF, but have it constantly in San Diego. Making connections usually is hard in rural areas...

Have you ever even lived in SF, LA, or San Diego for that matter? Don't see how someone who hasn't lived in any of these areas can know what the people are really like.

[sav858]

I think the problem for a lot of people is they expect to form the same deep relationships they had where they grew up and for it to be like that. No matter where you go, it's unlikely that you'll ever be able to replicate what you had back home in terms of deep relationships with people. Doesn't mean you can't make them elsewhere but it's just not gonna be the same imo. I definitely made some very good friends in SD, but it's still different than back home here in the Bay Area. The transient nature is a problem for sure though.

And as far as having to be good looking and partying all the time to make friends, you must gravitate towards some shallow a*s people if that's the case because that wasn't my experience. I can definitely see there being people like that but I would never bother trying to make a lasting friendship with people like that either.

You'll see these types of threads in other forums as well like the SF or Seattle forums, ie the "Seattle Freeze". I just think it's a problem for some transplants in general wherever they go. Some have better luck in other places probably though.

[Vegas28]

I understand both sides of the situation. I grew up in the midwest where people are very friendly and have lived in the area their entire lives. I felt like an outsider in Virginia because to them I was a "yankee." Once they got to know me it was great and they were all very nice. Nashville was the same way. Lots of transients but having kids helps you to get to know lots of people fast. By the time I moved to Las Vegas my room mother and team mom days were over and therefore it was hard to meet people as Vegas people are really transient, can be rude, in your face, etc. I got a dog and went to the dog park all the time and met some very nice blue collar, do anything for you friends and ended up loving it there although it took about five years until I felt that way. People here in SD seemed off the top more friendly than people in Vegas, but so far no real "friends" yet, but I know it takes time and getting out there and getting involved in something and rarely seems to happen just with neighbors as I experienced in every state I have lived in. OP maybe get a dog and meet me at the dog beach!!!

[photobpilot]

I think this can be summed up with the phrase

"Hey dude we'll go surfing"

I went to school in Santa Barbara and met people at a party that I enjoyed hanging out with. The night of hanging out usually ended up with an exchange of "we'll go surfing". I would never see those people again.

When I moved to Wyoming we would exchange a "lets go climbing". The next day my phone would ring and we went climbing.

In New Orleans we exchanged "we'll go out drinking". The next night we were out drinking and every night after that.

In preparation for our move I called a college friend and caught up. The conversation ended with "dude we'll go surfing". Besides being 40 and out of shape I don't see that happening, but hopefully I will at least meet up with him someday.

I am excited to being back in California and near the beach but was hoping SD to be less superficial than SB which I blamed on its proximity to LA, but know it is a Socal thing. The level of superficiality and easy going friendliness fools you. Its hard to meet life long friends in Socal.

The move was my wifes idea who grew up on the beach in Mississippi. I think she may be in for a bit of a "beach life" culture shock. I myself am just looking forward to kayaking and sailing, and fortunately don't need any friends to do it. I am hoping to meet some cool adults to have some dinner parties with and "go surfing" with at least.

[Losfrisco]

Originally Posted by sav858

Have you ever even lived in SF, LA, or San Diego for that matter? Don't see how someone who hasn't lived in any of these areas can know what the people are really like.

No, and I don't think I need to live somewhere to judge the people. Perhaps to judge the overall quality of life, but either a place is easy to make connections and friends or it isn't.

[sav858]

Originally Posted by Losfrisco

No, and I don't think I need to live somewhere to judge the people. Perhaps to judge the overall quality of life, but either a place is easy to make connections and friends or it isn't.

I disagree, its kind of like judging a book by its cover in a way but that does explain some of your posts.