Inviting SINGLE people to weddings - what is the RIGHT protocol? (daughter, invite)

[Dewdrop93]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

Here's what you keep seem to be missing - you didn't ask if you were justified - you asked what proper etiquette was. You didn't ask - if you were in my shoes - what would you have done? You asked about etiquette. And you KNOW you were wrong - and you CHOSE to be wrong... So that's what I'm confused about. Were you justified? Honestly - I can't imagine being maid/matron/woman of honor at someone's wedding that I didn't know very well. If my SO wasn't invited - I'd probably talk to them about it right after I got the invitation. I wouldn't have just written in "2" in the RSVP. Would I have been annoyed that my SO wasn't invited? Of course! But I'm not the "eff them" type. I'm pretty nice to everyone - I just try to avoid the people that I dislike. The people that I strongly dislike - and there are only a handful of them - I do find it very difficult to be nice, or even decent to - so I doubly try to avoid them.

So - you didn't respond to this post - which I thought would have made a light bulb go off... Oh well.

Originally Posted by robertpolyglot

And you have time at 11:56 pm to be here chiming in when you have a little one around? She's more adamant than anyone here. Notice she's also planning a wedding.

At 11:56pm, my little one was asleep and I was waiting for my husband to text me that his train was close by so I could pick him up from the train station. My in-laws are here so they stayed home with the little one. What's confusing? Babies sleep at night.

[robertpolyglot]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

So - you didn't respond to this post - which I thought would have made a light bulb go off... Oh well.

At 11:56pm, my little one was asleep and I was waiting for my husband to text me that his train was close by so I could pick him up from the train station. My in-laws are here so they stayed home with the little one. What's confusing? Babies sleep at night.

I'm getting bored. You're litigious but try to cloak it otherwise with your "play nice" message. Life doesn't work that way. You've been around the block, so you know.

Ok, you give me the options.
- you accept to be someone's best man. you are a little surprised. you see it as benign. you are college acquaintances. you accept.
- you meet the extended family prior to the wedding. you like neither the MIL nor the maid of honor, whom the mother is "selling to you."
- do you go, and be a doormat? No.
- do you ask to withdraw? I guess I could have, but didn't think it was cool once saying yes.
- do you ask if you can bring a date? I know them and they would have held a grudge and the friendship would be doomed, particularly per bride and MIL. Had they said no, I would have backed out anyway.
- do you bring a date and wing it? Sounds like the best of the 4 options. Cough up the Chicken Cordon Bleu with an ocean view to boot. And all your wedding rehearsal plans remain intact.

I weighed it and that's how I decided.

[JustJulia]

Good thing there wasn't assigned seating.

[aragx6]

"And guest" is perfectly appropriate if the person you're inviting is truly single and you'd like to invite them to bring a, you know, guest.

They would then write in their guest's name on the RSVP card (or they don't and you call them to find out), and you'd have their name written on the escort card.

[robertpolyglot]

Originally Posted by aragx6

"And guest" is perfectly appropriate if the person you're inviting is truly single and you'd like to invite them to bring a, you know, guest.

They would then write in their guest's name on the RSVP card (or they don't and you call them to find out), and you'd have their name written on the escort card.

A "you know." They eat, breathe and sleep just like you. They may even be smarter than you. It's not like you're bringing ET.

Still here for days, huh? I have an excuse. It's MY thread.

[aragx6]

^Huh?

[Jdawg8181]

Originally Posted by robertpolyglot

Ok, people are going to get married and have a reception.

The church or chapel part generally doesn't change the cost much, but the type and size of the reception locale, along with the food and beverages that will be served will cause costs to change. Also, it may be likely that anywhere from 10% to 25% of the invitees will be single, especially if soon after high school or college.

Do you invite them as "Person" and Guest, do you differentiate as to whether or not there is a known significant other, or do you allow all single invitees to bring a guest to make their "comfort level" at the event more equitable?

What IS wedding etiquette on this? Also, clarify if you are using the "reasonable person's" rule of thumb and/or a "cheap person's" rule of thumb.

I feel anyone over 25- single or not- should be invited with a guest. Not everyone will choose to bring one believe it or not, but I do think they should at least have that option.

[robertpolyglot]

Originally Posted by Jdawg8181

I feel anyone over 25- single or not- should be invited with a guest. Not everyone will choose to bring one believe it or not, but I do think they should at least have that option.

At least someone agrees. While it is the choice of the bridge/groom to invite whomever they choose, it makes them appear more conscientious and equitable in that they would extend this to ALL single people. The first reality is that singles will NOT be the majority of the invitees. Another reality is that not all single people will bring someone, as you say. And yet another reality is that they have the RSVPs in hand for the head count of how many roast beef or chicken dishes to plan for and size of cake to order.

[chicagurl]

I guess we didn't use proper etiquette then, because I wrote and invited "XXXXXX and Guest." Of course, this was based on my own experiences. I've never been invited to a wedding where I was the only one invited, as a single person. I do know some friends who have been invited as singles and chose not to attend because they didn't want to go by themselves. Guess it's up to each person, both the person getting married - in how they want to invite folks - and the invitees, in how they choose to respond.

[robertpolyglot]

Originally Posted by chicagurl

I guess we didn't use proper etiquette then, because I wrote and invited "XXXXXX and Guest." Of course, this was based on my own experiences. I've never been invited to a wedding where I was the only one invited, as a single person. I do know some friends who have been invited as singles and chose not to attend because they didn't want to go by themselves. Guess it's up to each person, both the person getting married - in how they want to invite folks - and the invitees, in how they choose to respond.

You were actually generous. You can do "and guest." For the marrieds, it would be their spouse. The only thing is that they might muse "what, doesn't she know my spouse's name?" But the right intent was there.