Inviting SINGLE people to weddings - what is the RIGHT protocol? (planning, etiquette)
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I hope you've learned the lesson that you shouldn't have accepted his rather odd request to be his best man if you weren't that close. This is why the wedding party should consist of one's nearest and dearest.
True. Today I wouldn't do that.
1) I didn't foresee the other ulterior motive; otherwise, this could have been ok, even if they fizzled out. Married people often do. Both the wedding and the reception were otherwise fine
2) If I were in his shoes, I would ask a childhood friend or a sibling. However, I guess that, as someone who went to lunch with him constantly during the 2 years of college, it was odd, but not that big of a deal.
Ok, people are going to get married and have a reception.
The church or chapel part generally doesn't change the cost much, but the type and size of the reception locale, along with the food and beverages that will be served will cause costs to change. Also, it may be likely that anywhere from 10% to 25% of the invitees will be single, especially if soon after high school or college.
Do you invite them as "Person" and Guest, do you differentiate as to whether or not there is a known significant other, or do you allow all single invitees to bring a guest to make their "comfort level" at the event more equitable?
What IS wedding etiquette on this? Also, clarify if you are using the "reasonable person's" rule of thumb and/or a "cheap person's" rule of thumb.
I would not put "and guest" unless I knew they were in a fairly serious relationship with someone. Believe me when I tell you that when you are single with no significant other, there is nothing as painful in the world as getting an envelope in the mail that is addressed this way.
I would not put "and guest" unless I knew they were in a fairly serious relationship with someone. Believe me when I tell you that when you are single with no significant other, there is nothing as painful in the world as getting an envelope in the mail that is addressed this way.
20yrsinBranson
In the case of them being in a serious relationship, you should call and find out their significant others name. It wouldn't take long and you'll make the couples day.
"And guest" should be reserved for truly single invitees. That's the difference between a "+1" and a significant other.
True. Today I wouldn't do that.
1) I didn't foresee the other ulterior motive; otherwise, this could have been ok, even if they fizzled out. Married people often do. Both the wedding and the reception were otherwise fine
2) If I were in his shoes, I would ask a childhood friend or a sibling. However, I guess that, as someone who went to lunch with him constantly during the 2 years of college, it was odd, but not that big of a deal.
It doesn't matter what you would've done, he asked, you accepted.
I can see how the mix up could happen if unfamiliar with the process of splitting hairs in wedding planning and invitations. I'll give you a break here, you simply assumed the invitation included a guest, end of story.
I'm not seeing the ulterior motives by the groom and his new in-laws, this is another assumption by you.
For one....you've no way of knowing how others invitations were addressed and mailed.
Two....perhaps the guests without significant others weren't extended an invitation for an additional guest.
Three....how would you know whether the guests were husband/wives, significant others, or that you were singled out as the only person not extended the guest option?
Did you take a poll at the wedding?
One more question....how would you know the bride, groom, MIL were ticked off, or what they were mumbling about if you didn't have a clue about wedding protocol, or that you brought along an univited guest??
It doesn't matter what you would've done, he asked, you accepted.
I can see how the mix up could happen if unfamiliar with the process of splitting hairs in wedding planning and invitations. I'll give you a break here, you simply assumed the invitation included a guest, end of story.
I'm not seeing the ulterior motives by the groom and his new in-laws, this is another assumption by you.
For one....you've no way of knowing how others invitations were addressed and mailed.
Two....perhaps the guests without significant others weren't extended an invitation for an additional guest.
Three....how would you know whether the guests were husband/wives, significant others, or that you were singled out as the only person not extended the guest option?
Did you take a poll at the wedding?
One more question....how would you know the bride, groom, MIL were ticked off, or what they were mumbling about if you didn't have a clue about wedding protocol, or that you brought along an univited guest??
Whatever. I read between the lines, carefully, and there WAS an ulterior motive, on behalf of the bride and MIL. Again, for the umpteenth time, other wedding party guests had dates. BTW, this thread is no longer fresh. I've gotten enough input. But, nice try.
You do realize that, of the women in the wedding party, the sister/maid of honor was the only dateless one among the women in the bridal party, and I was supposed to "accommodate" that and balance it out on the groomsmen side. If a person knows the people they're dealing with, then they can also foretell what the reaction would have been. It would have NOT been open to negotiation, in that they would have said yes and still held a grudge anyway. Regardless, I sensed that it was a friendship to be lost.
It's ok. They kept it pretty muffled on wedding day. Had they made more of a fuss, I would have gotten into my Camaro with my date, gone back to return the tux, and gone out someplace nice to have lunch...and let them play musical chairs, have an impromptu rehearsal, and delay the wedding 30 minutes to an hour!
Do you actually know this, or are you assuming? I don't know why I bother, since my previous posts in this thread have been ignored.
You sound like a joy to have around. No wonder they haven't kept in touch.
Do you actually know this, or are you assuming? I don't know why I bother, since my previous posts in this thread have been ignored.
You sound like a joy to have around. No wonder they haven't kept in touch.
Yes. How can it not be, when all other wedding party members where given a choice to bring a date and when the MIL kept talking about her other daughter to me. Yes, it was "kill two birds with one stone." I know these people.
Joy to have around? Well, women who aren't militant think so.
Update, for the heck of it:
1) talked to my cousin in Europe to get caught up on things, told her about this situation and she's always got great suggestions, since she studied law. She said:
a) if they allowed others in the wedding party to bring SOs/guests, they were wrong to not allow me to bring a guest
b) in Europe, the "and guest" option is not present - they just address it to one, or two people, and this situation would be inappropriate
c) given that they were such jerks and inequitable, it wasn't that much of an offense to bring a guest, and given that they severed contact, means they weren't great friends to begin with, so who cares if you offended them.
Talk about an all-encompassing point of view. From a woman, too. BTW, for some poster above, words like "disrespected their wedding" or "crashed their wedding" are strong, and have a very "battle of the sexes" vibe. I'm sure it didn't ruin their day beyond being a minor annoyance. Being stood up at the altar is ruining their day...not an extra plate of Chicken Cordon Bleu. Tough shyte says me, and most women who know of both parties. I think certain people here are so adamant because my posting style is not very doormatish.
Heh. No, I'm adamant because I read etiquette books for fun and I know the rules. This already happened, and you don't talk to those people anymore, and you sound like you're glad to be rid of them, so I'm not trying to talk you into or out of anything. You asked what the "right protocol" is, so I told you.
Heh. No, I'm adamant because I read etiquette books for fun and I know the rules. This already happened, and you don't talk to those people anymore, and you sound like you're glad to be rid of them, so I'm not trying to talk you into or out of anything. You asked what the "right protocol" is, so I told you.
That I am, given that they acted this way. If not the wedding, they would have been jerks later. Well, my doormat friend does ok. They live in a nicer home in the O.C. and she brings home the bacon.
Whatever. I read between the lines, carefully, and there WAS an ulterior motive, on behalf of the bride and MIL. Again, for the umpteenth time, other wedding party guests had dates. BTW, this thread is no longer fresh. I've gotten enough input. But, nice try.
Then stop responding to posts and ask moderators to close the thread.
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