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In my experience, and in observation of others, it can work out, but that is unusual. I suggest being careful. If it seems that there's nothing else to talk about besides work, it won't work out, it wasn't meant to be.
Four of my besties are friends from work. I jumped jobs a lot and I still have friends from each place I worked. One is coming to visit us next Friday. Another is here from Florida and I will be seeing her soon as well. These are friendships that are decades old now. Some of the places I worked for less then ten years. The friend that's coming on Friday was from a job I was only at for about two years. His friendship has been far more important to me then some job protocol, and being unapproachable. I hope to have him in my life another decade or more. I would not have these wonderful friendships had I been hands off just because they were from work.
There is the other side of that coin where it can be awkward if the friendship doesn't work out. I was at one job where my immediate supervisor pushed for a friendship. I went along with it and discovered that she wasn't my cup of tea. I just signed up for work on days she was off and spent more time at another job instead. I think she wanted more then just friendship. Yikes!
There have been times I could not get through a rough patch without the help of co-workers. It's also important to be friendly with co-workers for future networking purposes. I was stabbed in the back by one former co-worker I considered a friend and that really hurt. I left a job for a new opportunity elsewhere and word got back to me quickly that this person bashed me and the work I did to pump up her own reputation as soon as I walked out the door. Others were shocked and turned off by her behavior - she didn't do herself any favors and wound up making herself look bad. The odds are well in my favor for having made friends at work through the years - just one bad experience out of dozens of good ones. I've reached out to former colleagues about opportunities at their new employers and I'm always happy to help out former colleagues I consider friends. I'm even catching up with one tonight as he's interviewing at a company where I used to work.
Or do you believe there are boundaries, where work people stay at work, and you find friends who don't work with you?
Why or why not?
I really like my job, I like most of the people I work with, I have fun with them. For me--I need boundaries. Mostly because on that rare occasion I see a friend outside of work, we end up talking about work
I want to leave work at work. I work to live, not live to work.
I have a work friend that started to insist she wanted to come to my Mother's Memorial to support me. No...work and family is separate. I finally had to get stern and say it was a private family Memorial.
Always! I've had great coworkers and done beach trips with them even. We go to dinner, yoga, cocktail hours etc. they come to my son's soccer games and I go to theirs. We all help each other when we get sick. It's a great environment.
I've met a lot of friends through work and outside of work. By the same token, I've grown apart from folks at work and outside of work. In the end, you don't need to be at work to be backstabbed. Sure, it's a bit different because there's likely more at stake at work than there is at your poker club, golf group, parents group, etc. But in the end, anyone can make your life easier or hell.
Personally, the friendship you stand to make is worth that risk. Not saying you have to be friends with everyone you work with, but it seems a bit shortsighted to force yourself to keep others at length when there isn't a real reason to do so.
I have a work friend that started to insist she wanted to come to my Mother's Memorial to support me. No...work and family is separate. I finally had to get stern and say it was a private family Memorial.
I also didn't want co-workers attending my father's funeral. A few asked, but I stressed how it was a 2 hour drive for most people anyway. I guess that's where I draw the line too.
I was so stabbed in the back at my last job and learned a hard lesson to keep work and private life separate. I worked there for 11 years and we were all up in each other's business. Long story but I got fired due to a "friend's" comments and lies.
Skip forward to the job I have now. I've been here 7 years. At first I was very strict about no mingling outside of work. These are mostly very nice people. I learned just how nice when my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. They were supportive in so many ways. Even took up a collection so for 3 months I was brought in catered meals 3x a week and not have to cook. They never docked my pay when I had to miss to be with him. Until his health no longer allowed, we took a couple family trips and a couple trip. Nothing was ever said about missing work and I was never denied time off. When he passed, they donated to his GoFundMe and many came to the service. I now consider several of them friends.
You have to trust your own judgement and learn. Of course you can always get stabbed in the back but if you keep your self closed off you can also miss out on some great friendships!
I agree that "allow" is an odd choice of verbiage. I neither actively seek friendships at work nor actively avoid them. Some people become more than coworkers over time. It just happens.
I keep in touch with many former coworkers and consider them my friends. We moved a lot though, so all these relationships are remote. We do socialize with current coworkers (e.g. have a potluck at someone's house once in a while) and I think it's healthy. But at work we need to keep it professional, of course. We do have a diverse team though, so we do not have to compete for promotions and such.
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