trillion % NOT ok
Posted 12-08-2022 at 04:43 AM by trickydawn
I'm really not. Not ok physically. Not ok emotionally. Not ok mentally. Not ok spiritually. In every possible way someone's wellbeing can be ****ed off, mine is. I am even leaning toward having myself deemed totaled. Offering myself up with a salvage title if anyone is interested for their junk yard! ha.
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**** YOU an entire hour of typing how and why every part of me is no longer even a little ok after years and years of nonstop battering to my heart, soul,mind, spirit and body and these last few that I allowed myself to keep trying to believe that I was still loved and could start to feel safe and trust in Louie and letting my love for him surface again, JUST TO FEEL LIKE THIS now afgter 4 years of letting myself be humiliated, hurt, demeaned, bullied, exposed, broken, lost, shamed, so gilled with guilt that I exposed all I have become to my son and horrified and self loathing that my choices and inability to stand up for my own principles and self cause my child , MY MOST IMPORTANT RESPOSIBILITY and the love of my life, I caused a situation that made his last couple years at home, the years he had left to feel sheltered and safe to make mistakes and learn before his life as an adult starts and that's when The years at home can be reflected on and appreciated. Leaving those memories forever, and I took that from him becajuse I let my own spirit and security, as well as every scar I spent years healing, exposed and unprotected. I basically handed over every part of who I was to a man that had destroyed meand altered my entire life 30 years ago. I didn't just hand myself over to him, but his wife who I also proviided with so much access ro my private innermost feelings, struggles, family stuff, moments, and personal space all through my relationship with him. Because I shared my life and deepestPosted 12-08-2022 at 05:14 AM by trickydawn
