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I actually find the first paragraph of this thread curious. You really felt that you "loved Jesus"? I can't recall ever thinking/feeling that. As a child, I found Jesus to be a stern, frightening character because of the focus on death and the teaching that I was awful just for existing and Jesus knew it and was just waiting for me to do something bad so he could get me. Hard to love that.
But even as an adult, when I returned to a better church and studied in a more intelligent environment and got it that Jesus was pointing out that God is love and love is the thing that connects and binds us, I never thought, "Gee whiz, I really LOVE Jesus."
I can honestly say I love Jesus and long to be with Him. However, I was an adult before I developed such deep affection for my savior. It took many years of study, prayer, and thought to reach that place.
And what they are taught by those whom they trust.
My mother Got religion over a dream she had about me, she had all these people telling prophesies of me, and I suppose I have heard the same prophesies 60 times in my life saying the same thing. From when I was a child even to last year, Pentecostals have prophesied over me at every church, almost every time I went to church, my life was already set. But then I stopped being a Pentecostal. From the time I was born, people have been telling me and my family that I was Moses, or that I was Elijah, and probably 50 times, someone has stood up in church saying that I would be one of the two witnesses, and so when I was 5, I was set for death lol.
I also attribute the deep depression and suicidal thoughts that I suffered (past tense) under my whole life, from the time I was very young, in part, to my religious beliefs. I know there are people for whom their religious beliefs don't impact them in that way, so they can't understand, perhaps, how those beliefs are damaging to others. I'm so grateful to be out from under that influence now.
I am, too. I can't get rid of the obsessions and compulsions and intrusive thoughts. They are part of me, but they are mostly background noise now and I learned to manage and live with them. It's actually a creative way for the brain to deal with anxiety that it can't handle.
Also, the therapist once suggested that some of it may have come as a result of not paying attention to natural intuition, and I think that's true. Religiosity does not encourage us to follow our intuition if it seems counter to the religious teachings. I consciously made a practice of learning to tune into my intuition and differentiating it from the obsessions, and that helped a great deal. While I can't get rid of the obsessive thoughts, a light bulb usually goes off at some point that says, "Hey, you are obsessing" and that in and of itself stops it most of the time.
You are correct--not everyone is affected that way. I am one of seven children, six still living, and the rest of them simply walked away and discarded any connection to religion. Looking back at certain stories of my grandmother, I think the OCD tendency is probably genetic and the darkness of the religious teaching was simply the catalyst that brought it out. Also, my mom was depressed and very unhappy at the time I was born and in the early years of my life, and that probably contributed. She genuinely regrets that she didn't get me the help I needed when I was a kid. I don't hold it against her.
My mother Got religion over a dream she had about me, she had all these people telling prophesies of me, and I suppose I have heard the same prophesies 60 times in my life saying the same thing. From when I was a child even to last year, Pentecostals have prophesied over me at every church, almost every time I went to church, my life was already set. But then I stopped being a Pentecostal. From the time I was born, people have been telling me and my family that I was Moses, or that I was Elijah, and probably 50 times, someone has stood up in church saying that I would be one of the two witnesses, and so when I was 5, I was set for death lol.
Hanni, my husband has been "prophesied" over for as long as I've known him. I don't take the "prophecies" at face value, but I do think that people recognize/sense that he was born with, and has cultivated, a strong connection to the Spirit. He had a really tough life, growing up, and his connection allowed him to overcome that. I think it's very likely that's what people sense in you, too.
I am, too. I can't get rid of the obsessions and compulsions and intrusive thoughts. They are part of me, but they are mostly background noise now and I learned to manage and live with them. It's actually a creative way for the brain to deal with anxiety that it can't handle.
Also, the therapist once suggested that some of it may have come as a result of not paying attention to natural intuition, and I think that's true. Religiosity does not encourage us to follow our intuition if it seems counter to the religious teachings. I consciously made a practice of learning to tune into my intuition and differentiating it from the obsessions, and that helped a great deal. While I can't get rid of the obsessive thoughts, a light bulb usually goes off at some point that says, "Hey, you are obsessing" and that in and of itself stops it most of the time.
You are correct--not everyone is affected that way. I am one of seven children, six still living, and they simply walked away and discarded any connection to religion. Looking back at certain stories of my grandmother, I think the OCD tendency is probably genetic and the religious teaching was just the catalyst that brought it out.
I'm glad to know we are both better, my friend.
Sounds like me, Ocd, or temporal lobe epilepsy and religion go hand in hand, they say that every single person who has temporal lobe epilepsy has a religious side which is pretty amazing. Maybe it's the religion that turns a person, I don't know, but there for sure is a link because every single person they know of with Temporal lobe epilepsy has a religious side. One of the bad things is that ocd controls how I eat. I will eat one thing every day until I hate it. I have eaten 6 pounds of shrimp in the last 4 days and it aint nothing nice when you start smelling like shrimp lol.
My mother Got religion over a dream she had about me, she had all these people telling prophesies of me, and I suppose I have heard the same prophesies 60 times in my life saying the same thing. From when I was a child even to last year, Pentecostals have prophesied over me at every church, almost every time I went to church, my life was already set. But then I stopped being a Pentecostal. From the time I was born, people have been telling me and my family that I was Moses, or that I was Elijah, and probably 50 times, someone has stood up in church saying that I would be one of the two witnesses, and so when I was 5, I was set for death lol.
That's a heck of a burden to put on a kid, Hanni. I hope you have found or can find the peace you need to survive. You are definitely a survivor, though, as far as I can see.
Sounds like me, Ocd, or temporal lobe epilepsy and religion go hand in hand, they say that every single person who has temporal lobe epilepsy has a religious side which is pretty amazing. Maybe it's the religion that turns a person, I don't know, but there for sure is a link because every single person they know of with Temporal lobe epilepsy has a religious side. One of the bad things is that ocd controls how I eat. I will eat one thing every day until I hate it. I have eaten 6 pounds of shrimp in the last 4 days and it aint nothing nice when you start smelling like shrimp lol.
That made me laugh out loud. I do like shrimp, but maybe not that much!
Don't know much about temporal lobe epilepsy, though.
That made me laugh out loud. I do like shrimp, but maybe not that much!
Don't know much about temporal lobe epilepsy, though.
OCD on steroids, completely obsessed with something so much, people do those tests where you see how much a person thinks from either side of their brain, every time I have been tested, I think 100 percent from only one side of my brain like the other side is cut off.
I am, too. I can't get rid of the obsessions and compulsions and intrusive thoughts. They are part of me, but they are mostly background noise now and I learned to manage and live with them. It's actually a creative way for the brain to deal with anxiety that it can't handle.
Also, the therapist once suggested that some of it may have come as a result of not paying attention to natural intuition, and I think that's true. Religiosity does not encourage us to follow our intuition if it seems counter to the religious teachings. I consciously made a practice of learning to tune into my intuition and differentiating it from the obsessions, and that helped a great deal. While I can't get rid of the obsessive thoughts, a light bulb usually goes off at some point that says, "Hey, you are obsessing" and that in and of itself stops it most of the time.
That is very cool, and I can definitely believe that you are highly intuitive. It is a trait I admire.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
You are correct--not everyone is affected that way. I am one of seven children, six still living, and the rest of them simply walked away and discarded any connection to religion. Looking back at certain stories of my grandmother, I think the OCD tendency is probably genetic and the darkness of the religious teaching was simply the catalyst that brought it out. Also, my mom was depressed and very unhappy at the time I was born and in the early years of my life, and that probably contributed. She genuinely regrets that she didn't get me the help I needed when I was a kid. I don't hold it against her.
And what they are taught by those whom they trust.
At one point in my adult life after I had been diagnosed and was being treated, I confronted my mother. I know she remembers my terror and my weirdness. For example, for months after my cousin died, I wouldn't turn on a light switch or go near an electrical cord because I knew I would be electrocuted. Finally one day she screamed at me to stop acting that way, and so I did. I learned to hide it, and figured that if I counted or sang a little song inside my head, I could prevent the electrocution and turn on the switch.
So I said to her 35 years later, "You knew something was wrong with me and all you did was yell at me." She said, "I just didn't know what else to do. I prayed for you, but I was afraid that I was going to have to take you to a psychiatrist." I realized then that she was also the victim of her own fears and insecurities. Taking your kid to a shrink in the 1960s meant you were a failure as a Christian mother.
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