National Childfree Day

[steiconi]

Originally Posted by That_One_Girl

That's good! I hope more doctors are beginning to come around on this. It seems there are loads of childfree people now and it shouldn't be such a shocking thing anymore that some people don't ever want to have kids.

Actually, that was 40 years ago.

[ChessieMom]

Originally Posted by SoCal_Native

On the other hand, I have four daughters. I won't need nursing home insurance. I'm raising my owned skilled nursing facility.

Don’t count on it. You might turn into a miserable old bastard and your four daughters hate you… You’ll be lucky to get them within 100 feet of your house much less take care of you. And why in gods name would you expect your kids to take care of you?

[coschristi]

Originally Posted by That_One_Girl

No, they won't. I'd take my own life before it got to that. I've already decided that when I reach a point where I'm struggling to do things, I'll end it on my own terms.

Redundant.

[rodentraiser]

Originally Posted by jtab4994

You know something, some of the comments you make are prone to getting "misunderstood" by the average reader. Step back and take look sometime. Here you're talking pretty blithely about a pandemic that kills billions of people. What kind of world would come out of that? How would the survivors be effected? I guess you can think it would be really cool when you don't have any kids or grandkids to worry about. And you wonder why people who celebrate "Child Free Day" are seen as a bunch of narcissistic kooks by people who do the heavy lifting in this life.

I'm simply telling you the numbers. What do you want me to do? Cry all over my keyboard while I'm typing?

I'm not blase about what would happen, either during or after a major pandemic as you seem to accuse me of. I am simply pointing out that overpopulation on our planet is no figment of imagination and at this point, won't be solved by what used to be a very effective way: disease.

I care about the earth. And many, many people who don't want to have children give overpopulation as a reason to not reproduce. I'd say as a group, they're far more concerned about it than you are. Which means they care more for your kids and grandkids than you do.

And no, you don't do the "heavy lifting" in life. We all contribute.

Originally Posted by victimofGM

They should get spayed or neutered to ensure they won’t reproduce

Been there, done that. Isn't that the point of not having kids, so we don't have to reproduce? You're trying to insult us by telling us to do something we want to do.

Incidentally, the main reason doctors don't want to sterilize a woman is because "she's too young and could change her mind". Think about this. A woman who is 20 can decide to get married and have a child, something that will be a commitment for her for the next 18+ years. Who ever asks her if she is "sure" or asks her what will happen if she changes her mind? But try being a woman trying to get sterilized at age 25 or age 30 or even age 40. It's amazing that a young woman having a baby is seen as mature and adult, but a woman trying to get her tubes tied at age 35 is seen as indecisive and too immature. What's up with that?

Originally Posted by SoCal_Native

The associated website makes it sound like child free people are victims who will be competing with the rest of the victims on the victim ideology totem pole.

Yes and no. Let me try to explain.

When someone asks me (and other childfree people) if I have children, I say no. Then I get the question "Why?"

Now at that point, if I could just say, "I don't want kids" or "I can't have kids" or any other reason and the subject would drop with an "Oh, OK", that would be awesome. But it never, never, never does. What happens from then on is a constant litany of "But..." and advice on how I should feel to how I should run my life.

"But who will take care of you when you're old?"

"You'll change your mind."

"What does your husband/boyfriend think about this?"

"You owe your parents a grandchild."

"It's your duty to society."

"You need to pass your genes on."

and so on and so on and so on. And it never quits. Other people are just determined I should have a kid. When I was twenty, I would change my mind. When I was thirty, there was still time. When I was forty, I could have IVF. When I was 50, I could have stepchildren. Now I'm over sixty and people are still telling me I could get married to someone who has grandchildren so I can have the "joy" of being around babies and toddlers.

If this came up only once in a while it wouldn't be a big deal. But no matter where I go, no matter what talk comes up whether it's just a quick chat with a cashier or talking to someone in line in a coffee shop or talking to a receptionist in a doctor's office or even to the doctor, any time I get asked if I have children and I answer no, the interrogation begins. Every. Freaking. Time. And this happens to the majority of any woman who says she doesn't have kids.

It gets very old very fast. People just can't take no and let it be.

Some childfree women just go with the flow "Yeah, maybe you're right." Some lie "I'm infertile." Some people get sarcastic "Why are you so interested in my breeding habits?"

Me, I just shut people down by saying something like "I just don't want kids and I don't want to talk about it any further" or I just try to change the subject. You'd be surprised by how often even that doesn't work.

So "victim" isn't necessarily what childfree people are imagining themselves as. But we're constantly interrogated, our choices are invalidated, we're called selfish, abnormal, unwomanly (if we're female), and stupid. We're told we'll be lonely, regretful, unhappy, and sorry.

Again, if it were a one-time thing, it would be bearable. But it happens over and over and over and over and over. And it goes on from just about everyone for decades.

If a woman chooses to have children, I say more power to her. After all, my own mom told me she enjoyed being a stay-at-home mom while we kids were growing up. All childfree people are asking is that we get the same respect for our choices.

I don't think we really need a childfree day myself. But if it draws attention to the subject and gets us talking about it more, I don't think that's a bad thing.

And one more thing. Again, there are people who want children very badly but can't, and they also are subjected to this on a constant basis which must be heartbreaking for them. If we can get people talking about the subject, maybe we can make people understand why it's so rude to pry into someone else's reproductive business. "Why" is a rude question when it comes to anything involving kids. Quit asking it.

[Mightyqueen801]

When someone asks me (and other childfree people) if I have children, I say no. Then I get the question "Why?"

Right here is the problem. Why on earth is anyone asking WHY someone else doesn't have children?

[Bayarea4]

Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801

Right here is the problem. Why on earth is anyone asking WHY someone else doesn't have children?

The urge to reproduce is so deeply ingrained in the human DNA that when a person consciously chooses to defy this ancient social and biological imperative, it is deeply disturbing to those who never stopped to question the rightness of having a family.

I would prefer that instead of a National Childfree Day, there should be a day to promote understanding and awareness of this choice as a rational one and good for many people, as well as being good for the health of the planet. There is so much prejudice toward the childfree and so many assumptions about us, such as the common complaint that we must be selfish or, at the very least, lacking character in some way compared to parents. Over the years some of my female relatives have looked at me with pity or puzzlement, not understanding my choice or why it was the right one for me.

It's pretty clear to me - and to other child-free folks - why people DO choose to have children. I bear no ill will toward women who have children and am happy for those who enjoy being parents. I only wish that parents could be equally as understanding and accepting of the childfree.

[That_One_Girl]

Originally Posted by steiconi

Actually, that was 40 years ago.

That's amazing! Good some people have an open mind.

[AtkinsonDan]

Originally Posted by Bayarea4

I'm childfree by choice and don't regret it, but still, a holiday based on something I didn't do seems kind of...weird.

But you did do something. You made a sacrifice to not follow the (social) herd and create yet another (human) organism that would compete with other species for space and natural resources. You accepted a path of inaction that benefits the ecosystem and other species who are under ever growing duress from the continued expansion of human civilization. That IS something to be celebrated.

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by Bayarea4

The urge to reproduce is so deeply ingrained in the human DNA that when a person consciously chooses to defy this ancient social and biological imperative, it is deeply disturbing to those who never stopped to question the rightness of having a family.

I would prefer that instead of a National Childfree Day, there should be a day to promote understanding and awareness of this choice as a rational one and good for many people, as well as being good for the health of the planet. There is so much prejudice toward the childfree and so many assumptions about us, such as the common complaint that we must be selfish or, at the very least, lacking character in some way compared to parents. Over the years some of my female relatives have looked at me with pity or puzzlement, not understanding my choice or why it was the right one for me.

It's pretty clear to me - and to other child-free folks - why people DO choose to have children. I bear no ill will toward women who have children and am happy for those who enjoy being parents. I only wish that parents could be equally as understanding and accepting of the childfree.

I think we're getting there, in part because these conversations are happening in spaces like this one.

I asked my daughter last year if she had told my mother that she was having tubal ligation. She said yes. She is very close to my mother, and I am one of her seven children. My mother said, "Good for you. If women don't want children, they should be able to just decide not to have them." My mother was born in 1928, was married at 20 and a mother at 21. She doesn't regret her children, but she does regret not having had much of a choice.

[ClaraC]

Originally Posted by Bayarea4

The urge to reproduce is so deeply ingrained in the human DNA that when a person consciously chooses to defy this ancient social and biological imperative, it is deeply disturbing to those who never stopped to question the rightness of having a family.

I would prefer that instead of a National Childfree Day, there should be a day to promote understanding and awareness of this choice as a rational one and good for many people, as well as being good for the health of the planet. There is so much prejudice toward the childfree and so many assumptions about us, such as the common complaint that we must be selfish or, at the very least, lacking character in some way compared to parents. Over the years some of my female relatives have looked at me with pity or puzzlement, not understanding my choice or why it was the right one for me.

It's pretty clear to me - and to other child-free folks - why people DO choose to have children. I bear no ill will toward women who have children and am happy for those who enjoy being parents. I only wish that parents could be equally as understanding and accepting of the childfree.

It's not only in "human DNA" to want to procreate, its in every living being's DNA. Most animals will risk death to procreate, as will humans.

The trick is, with humans, we've realized how to satisfy the drive to procreate, while not actually creating offspring. It's a bit like a gotcha. Yeah, we're having sex, or watching porn all the time, simulating procreating behaviors, satisfying the insatiable drive that's biologically calling us to procreate, without actually creating babies.

Interesting. How many human babies, throughout the span of human existence on the planet, were wanted and planned, rathe than oops? My guess is, maybe 1/4, at the very very most.