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I don't think forbidding my daughter from dressing "sexy" at the age of 13 is being an oppressive parent. Its not like I keep my daughter locked in the house all day not being able to do anything. Nor do I make decisions about everything she wears. I allow her freedom to express her own personal style, but as her mother I'm not about to let her run around wearing something a 20-something would wear. I think that's the problem with some parents...too busy trying to be a cool friend instead of providing the discipline and guidance kids need to become responsible adults. Then those same parents wonder how they got to be grandparents in their late 30's.
I'm not saying let them dress like 5 dollar hookers, I'm just saying that not letting them own some nice sexy underwear is a bit much. I knew some girls growing up whose parents wouldn't let them pierce their ears at 13 years old.
Or, teach your sons that just because a woman gets drunk or wears skimpy clothing, that it's not an invitation to rape her.
1) A woman is not the same as a car. A car is an object, and a woman is a human being.
2) No one knows whether or not someone is wearing underwear, so if a woman goes out without underwear on, that's not some magical invisible invitation to be raped. The same is true of "sexy" underwear. Wearing lace does not equate with being a rape victim.
3) It is not ridiculous to walk around expecting to not get molested.
It is not a "truth" that men will automatically rape women. They are not born thinking that way. It is because as a society we allow it. We warn women that "any woman might be" sexually assaulted, and we don't bother to warn men not to sexually assault, nor do we prosecute most sex crimes, nor do we issue harsh sentences for sex crimes. If a man's penis was cut off for raping, do you honestly think men would go around raping women just because a woman got drunk or might not be wearing panties or is wearing skimpy clothing? I'm pretty sure if it comes between having a penis or not, most men would be able to control their "urges" to rape or molest.
The bottom line is not to warn daughters about messages they might be sending - it is not a girl's or woman's job to think beforehand about what every deviant, criminal mind may be thinking and try to adapt to it - that viewpoint just reinforces the idea that it's the woman's fault if she gets raped (there are men who think short sleeves is an invitation to rape). The bottom line is to teach children safe behavior. Don't, regardless of your sex or who you are with, get so drunk that you're not aware of your surroundings or able to fend for yourself. Don't go anywhere with strangers. Don't be afraid to call for help (whether that's parents, or police, or yelling at the top of your lungs). Know how to defend yourself. Learn how to read a situation and know when it might be a good time to get out of there. These are basic safety lessons that parents can teach their children, regardless of sex, and hopefully it will keep the child out of harm's way.
While I agree with a lot of your post there are some things I would like to address:
Quote:
Or, teach your sons that just because a woman gets drunk or wears skimpy clothing, that it's not an invitation to rape her.
Quote:
They are not born thinking that way. It is because as a society we allow it. We warn women that "any woman might be" sexually assaulted, and we don't bother to warn men not to sexually assault
1. I think it's ridiculous to believe that you have to teach men not to rape. Do you have to teach men not to kill? I think if any man is willing to rape a woman he has some serious issues and even had he been brought up with a loving family constantly telling him rape is bad he'd do it anyway given the opportunity. It's not as if rape isn't a crime or not looked down upon in society, anyone who rapes knows it's against the law and looked down upon, they just don't care.
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3) It is not ridiculous to walk around expecting to not get molested.
True, but it's also not ridiculous to walk around expecting not to get mugged, yet I (as well as many others) still avoid the bad parts of towns/cities.
You're not around too many young teenagers are you? 14/15 is high school, by that time they are not wanting to be thought of as kids anymore.
Most of 'em aren't thinking about sexy underwear, though. They're in to Goth stuff, or horses, or going camping. Some are into hanging out at the mall, others are jocks and are practicing for their swim meets, some are into their hobbies. They're not all thinking about sexy clothes and underwear.
They don't want to be thought of as kids, but they are, in fact, enjoying the last of their childhood, the last few years under their parents' wing. They should be allowed to enjoy that, instead of having sex pushed on them by the media, by peer pressure, or as in some countries, by arranged marriages.
Or, teach your sons that just because a woman gets drunk or wears skimpy clothing, that it's not an invitation to rape her.
1) A woman is not the same as a car. A car is an object, and a woman is a human being.
2) No one knows whether or not someone is wearing underwear, so if a woman goes out without underwear on, that's not some magical invisible invitation to be raped. The same is true of "sexy" underwear. Wearing lace does not equate with being a rape victim.
3) It is not ridiculous to walk around expecting to not get molested.
It is not a "truth" that men will automatically rape women. They are not born thinking that way. It is because as a society we allow it. We warn women that "any woman might be" sexually assaulted, and we don't bother to warn men not to sexually assault, nor do we prosecute most sex crimes, nor do we issue harsh sentences for sex crimes. If a man's penis was cut off for raping, do you honestly think men would go around raping women just because a woman got drunk or might not be wearing panties or is wearing skimpy clothing? I'm pretty sure if it comes between having a penis or not, most men would be able to control their "urges" to rape or molest.
The bottom line is not to warn daughters about messages they might be sending - it is not a girl's or woman's job to think beforehand about what every deviant, criminal mind may be thinking and try to adapt to it - that viewpoint just reinforces the idea that it's the woman's fault if she gets raped (there are men who think short sleeves is an invitation to rape). The bottom line is to teach children safe behavior. Don't, regardless of your sex or who you are with, get so drunk that you're not aware of your surroundings or able to fend for yourself. Don't go anywhere with strangers. Don't be afraid to call for help (whether that's parents, or police, or yelling at the top of your lungs). Know how to defend yourself. Learn how to read a situation and know when it might be a good time to get out of there. These are basic safety lessons that parents can teach their children, regardless of sex, and hopefully it will keep the child out of harm's way.
You wrote that like you assume that I have NOT taught my sons this. I have. I mean, to respect women. Not raping them was obvious enough.
I'm just not fool enough to think everyone else has done this with their sons.
And neither is my daughter.
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I'm not saying let them dress like 5 dollar hookers, I'm just saying that not letting them own some nice sexy underwear is a bit much. I knew some girls growing up whose parents wouldn't let them pierce their ears at 13 years old.
How about just "nice underwear?"
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