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Not everyone loses his/her looks. Some actually look better as they age, and others make a seamless transition (light blondes who go "silver" nearly undetectably). I'm not so fortunate in that I had very dark hair that's becoming a very unattractive steel gray -- it may be attractive on some, but it's not attractive on me -- and my formerly pretty face is now drooping into jowls due to the family trait of "no cheekbones to speak of." General sagging, bagging, and loss of elasticity complete the picture. While I got away with being a "natural beauty" my entire life thanks to a clear olive complexion and the aforementioned long dark hair/thick eyelashes and eyebrows, all that is now thinning and fading to the point where I "should" cut it short and even wear makeup to avoid looking washed out, which I find depressing. I also have no idea how, LOL. Then there's the loss of my formerly smokin' hot figure thanks to menopause (before you scold, I'm very fit, but things just "shift"). The shorts have to be traded in for Bermudas thanks to thigh jiggle. Bat wings on the arms mean no more sleeveless tops. Most telling is the dearth of male attention, complete with being referred to as "ma'am." I suppose embracing a new image and life is the answer -- I fully plan to be one of those VERY old ladies who doesn't give a flying flip about being seen in a bikini -- but the initial transition is a big adjustment.
Last edited by otterhere; 01-07-2016 at 07:09 AM..
I'd tell younger people to find validation and joy in something outside of their attractiveness and appeal to sexual partners. That can be work, volunteering, kids, hobbies, artistic talent, or anything else. When you have defined yourself narrowly by your looks in relation to the rest of the world you can never get out of that rat race. You can always become less attractive or see people more attractive than you. But you can always work on being better at or finding more joy in stuff you control. Having your self esteem wrapped up in your looks can be damaging at other levels.
Find something you are good at that is more internally focused and hone your skills.
Strange how some of really brighten up, relax, and positively thrive on being -- and looking! -- mature, while most struggle to incorporate aging into their self concept.
One major thing that I believe helps me thrive is I threw away our TV set!
No comparing myself to actresses and advertisements. I just do what's healthy and interesting, and enjoy classic styles and colors that work for me. Not what somebody wants to sell me.
The world is full of pretty young girls. But in dire shortage of vibrant, mature, elegant women. And I get to be one! Woohoo!
Lol, good point about the TV Another thing is to step away from the mirror! I've found that they just don't make them the way they used to...
I'd tell younger people to find validation and joy in something outside of their attractiveness and appeal to sexual partners. That can be work, volunteering, kids, hobbies, artistic talent, or anything else. When you have defined yourself narrowly by your looks in relation to the rest of the world you can never get out of that rat race. You can always become less attractive or see people more attractive than you. But you can always work on being better at or finding more joy in stuff you control. Having your self esteem wrapped up in your looks can be damaging at other levels.
Find something you are good at that is more internally focused and hone your skills.
Preach! There are some good cosmetics that can enhance and brighten things up, but it really is about getting comfortable in your own skin and valuing yourself for something other than how you look.
Not everybody just gets wrinkles when they get old.
Faces and bodies change. My face gets thinner and thinner. Aging gracefully is easy if you look the same just wrinkly.
Nowadays at 39, I get told I look sick or too skinny but I actually aren't. My mom is worried that I don't eat enough. I didn't lose or gain a pound in the last 10 years. It just distributes differently.
My face loses volume and the only way to avoid it is either gaining at least 20 lbs or fillers.
Maybe this should be in the psychology thread, but... Former "beauties," how do you handle the invariable ravages of age?
Well, OP. You have to get there and make peace with it.
I found it more difficult in my mid-forties when things started 'changing'. I went through a period of depression but then - I lost weight, changed my hair style and color; and began to focus on other things.
My hair is the best it's ever been as I found a hairdresser that knew how to work with very fine hair and highlight it just enough that any gray's blend in.
That said, I don't look like I'm 20 and I never will again and it did take some adjustment.
I inherited great skin from my Mom and just try to play up that, my hair, and dress stylishly but reasonably for my age. I spend a lot LESS time looking in the mirror than I used to and a lot MORE time doing things that I enjoy.
That;s a good thing.
I actually got to a point where I don't have to wash my hair everyday in order to feel 'presentable' for work. I go to the store with yoga pants and no make-up if I feel like it.
There's a freedom in no longer obsessing about my looks that feels good. I hope you find it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
Like someone else mentioned, I have always had a layer of " baby fat" on my face till recently - till about my forties. My mom always called me the Campbell Soup Kid and that's about how I always looked - soft, healthy, good skin, good hair, but with a round face, round eyes, round nose, round mouth - sheeze!
So when I got into my forties, I FINALLY started seeing some definition to my face. I have high cheekbones! Who ever knew? LOL My eyes finally got some depth to them. My nose looks less like a little piece of dough and more like, well, a nose.
Now I'm in my mid fifties, and I still don't have wrinkles - not a one, which is actually sort of amazing to me. I like my face. But what I DON'T like is the skin on my neck, which is losing it's elasticity - it's not gone but it's going and believe me, if I get a turkey neck I WILL have cosmetic surgery to correct it. I also have to color my hair because it is a hodgepodge of white, auburn, and gray - BLECH. But coloring it isn't that big a deal. I am hoping it goes stark white like my grandmother's and mother's because if it does, I will totally rock that look with some sort of really fun, dramatic hair style (I think I will always have very thick hair because no one in my family seems to lose that no matter how old they are). But till it's at that point, I'm coloring it.
The thing I REALLY don't like, and which seems beyond my control, is the thicker, post menopause waistline and loss of muscle tone. I've never been thin, but I've always been muscular and firm and curvy in a good way. But I need that waist to offset my other "curves" and it's gone! I mean gone. YUCK. I really hate that. I also hate that the skin on my arms and legs isn't as firm and tight as it used to be.
Oh well, that's what cute clothes are for. My husband seems fine with the changes and he's the only one I'm ever naked around, but still...I wish I still looked good in a bathing suit but thank goodness for cover ups.
And I do try to dress well and love accessorizing, and I have a cute hairstyle that I keep in good shape. At this age, 53, I don't expect or need the attention or desire of strangers when it comes to my looks. What I do need is respect, and I think it helps to dress well for starters. So I do wear sharp clothes and I don't leave the house unless I'm "put together" (other than if we're riding bikes or walking the dogs on local trails - of course then I'm dressed super casual).
One thing I've noticed about getting older is that when it comes to makeup, less is more, which is a welcome adjustment. I am grateful for good skin, because it would be depressing, I think, to need to wear less makeup but have problematic skin or lots of wrinkles. "Back in the day" I felt like I needed makeup to give my face some definition, especially around the eyes and on the cheekbones. Now I have that definition so I need very little makeup and that's GREAT. I like that I can focus on lip color because that's the most fun anyway! I have dark eyes so all I need is a smudge of eyeliner and mascara, then BB cream and a touch of blush. Takes 5 minutes and that's a big benefit to me.
I had a health setback a couple of years ago and that gave me a lot of empathy for people with disabilities, as well as empathy for those who suffer chronic pain or who are housebound. It was a learning experience. It took a toll on my looks and energy level as well - thankfully that was a temporary toll but it took longer to "rebound" as well, which was a sobering experience. It made me very grateful for good health and energy - and made me realize how quickly it can be lost. So I savor each day of health and well being.
I'm 54 Kathryn and I'm with you - the ONLY thing I despise is my neck!!!! I really want to do something with it but looking at all these rich people with bad surgery scares the crap outta me. I got flawless skin from my Mom but a horrible chin/neck from my Dad!
I'm with you on the health thing. I know many people my age that seem 20 years older because they are not able to get out/move their body/ and do things. I'm grateful I can still work out, box, walk the dogs on our beautiful trails and bike on those same trails.
I'll take it and deal with my neck another day.
Modern clothes/hair/make-up does work wonders for making us feel good about ourselves.
And, it's not just vanity. At work, once you start to look 'old' ~ you can easily be discarded. I keep that in mind too.
I can't believe people my age-ish feel old already! I am in my late 30s. I don't feel old at all. Until I talk to millenial about music. Or the time before smartphones.
I don't know when "old" starts, but certainly not in your 30s and 40s. That is prime time right there. You know who you are and what you want!
"There's a freedom in no longer obsessing about my looks that feels good. I hope you find it."
Um...
That's just it; I have NEVER given my looks (or clothes or hair) a second thought or devoted any time or energy to them. I was lucky in that I did look good while focusing entirely on other, less "shallow" things. But, like others have mentioned, when you begin to look sick or worn out or haggard, that's not a thing you feel good about, however "comfortable in your own skin" you are. As I say, I'll be the old lady on the beach in the bikini not giving a da*n, but while I'm still young enough to be in the game, so to speak, it's a change I'm noticing and adjusting to. I don't wish to HAVE to obsess over my looks...
Strange how some of really brighten up, relax, and positively thrive on being -- and looking! -- mature, while most struggle to incorporate aging into their self concept.
One major thing that I believe helps me thrive is I threw away our TV set!
No comparing myself to actresses and advertisements. I just do what's healthy and interesting, and enjoy classic styles and colors that work for me. Not what somebody wants to sell me.
The world is full of pretty young girls. But in dire shortage of vibrant, mature, elegant women. And I get to be one! Woohoo!
Thank God! Old men stay young from the view alone.
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Or the time before smartphones. 
