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After "losing" my entire family it's been hard for me to deal with "losses" of any kind. (Or changes.)...I lost my old address book for awhile and felt frustrated...But YEA! I finally found it and called my childhood best friend today. We lost touch over the past few years...I had no idea that my friend's son died too. And her husband has serious health issues and lost his leg recently...Talking to my friend made me feel young and happy again even though we've both been through devastating losses...I didn't lose my friend after all and she didn't lose me! And right now we definitely need each other!...We talked about our sorrow and sadness but we also "played" and giggled and laughed too. And talked about all the crazy and fun things we did when we were younger...We have a long history together that goes way back...Anyway I'm sure glad I "found" my friend again! YEA! I need a break from "losses" for a change!
Thanks Tami...It does help to have some good friends! Don't you think?...Grief involves having to deal with some abandonment issues. At least I've felt abandoned at times...So it helps to have some "for sure" and "tried and true" friends we can rely on and "count on" and trust. Don't you think?...Having friends and thinking about what they are "going through" (or facing) helps me get "out" of myself once in awhile...And I need this to stay "grounded." I don't want to become too self-centered or self-absorbed. Good to take my mind off myself and my "troubles" once in awhile...Yesterday I tried to "be there" for a local friend who is facing some complicated legal matters. (Spooky!)...She wasn't interested in talking very much. (I know she's scared.) But it felt good to pop over and sit with her for awhile so she doesn't feel totally "alone."
Although I haven't read the entire thread, I agree with the OP that death is not the only cause of intense grief. If a loved one is lost to you, then it's as if that loved one had died. My ex-wife, after nine years of a wonderful marriage, fell out of love and left, just up and left. The problem was I had not fallen out of love. I was a zombie (just numb with grief) for about a year and a half, then came out of it. However, it was more than 10 years before I stopped thinking of her every single day. I made efforts to keep in touch, writing a letter once a year; I just wanted to know if she was dead or alive. Now there is no more address to write to, and I do not know if she is dead or alive.
There has been much joy in life since I ceased being a zombie; I have done interesting things and accomplished worthwhile things. There are many things that I look forward to. But I will never be quite the same.
I hope those of you who are struggling with the actual death of a loved one will not take offense at my post. Note that I am not saying my suffering is as bad as yours. I have friends who lost their only child to suicide when the child was 24, and I know that their grief was more intense and longer-lasting than mine.
What I have done here is simply to describe my experience as well as I know how without rambling on forever. I am not trying to compare.
Escort Rider, I am so glad for your post. I often wonder do divorce people experience deep grief? You answered my question, thank you so much.
Love is love, we all experience loss at different levels and I feel it depends on the intensity of our love for our partner.
I am glad you shared because as of now I am still experiencing grief and I want it to be over and not miss my husband.
I was over at neighbor's house just now, they are both sick and I took them supper and we talked about Sam and I cried. Gosh, I am a big cry baby. Reading your post there is light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you.
Escort Rider, I am so glad for your post. I often wonder do divorce people experience deep grief? You answered my question, thank you so much.
Love is love, we all experience loss at different levels and I feel it depends on the intensity of our love for our partner.
I am glad you shared because as of now I am still experiencing grief and I want it to be over and not miss my husband.
I was over at neighbor's house just now, they are both sick and I took them supper and we talked about Sam and I cried. Gosh, I am a big cry baby. Reading your post there is light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you.
First, you are so very welcome. Second, I doubt if all divorced people experience deep grief. I was only telling my own story. By the time some couples divorce, the mutual hatred is strong and the primary feeling may be one of relief that it's over. So it may be more proper for you to conclude that some divorced people feel deep grief. At the very least this one did.
First, you are so very welcome. Second, I doubt if all divorced people experience deep grief. I was only telling my own story. By the time some couples divorce, the mutual hatred is strong and the primary feeling may be one of relief that it's over. So it may be more proper for you to conclude that some divorced people feel deep grief. At the very least this one did.
Like Smilin said, I apperciate your previous post as it answered many questions for my son and his previous three marriages and divorce and also the zombie like feelings I expierenced after losing my wife to cancer after 53 1/2 years of marriage. It has been 5 years and 4 months since my wifes passing and after a year of reading the CD posts, I feel I am once again beginning to join civilization again. Not caring about much of anything for five years, I was mostly marking time. I am just now looking forward to what the future will being and my continued participation.
My thanks again to all the posters on this forum and C-D.
Like Smilin said, I apperciate your previous post as it answered many questions for my son and his previous three marriages and divorce and also the zombie like feelings I expierenced after losing my wife to cancer after 53 1/2 years of marriage. It has been 5 years and 4 months since my wifes passing and after a year of reading the CD posts, I feel I am once again beginning to join civilization again. Not caring about much of anything for five years, I was mostly marking time. I am just now looking forward to what the future will being and my continued participation.
My thanks again to all the posters on this forum and C-D.
Aw Bluff, how sweet of you to say that. I am so glad you are looking forward to life. We all need something to look forward to. It is so wonderful that we have each other here.
tngirl
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