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My DH is not techno savvy, unless he feels like it. He has plenty of other good qualities, for sure. He could learn how to use various things, like his iphone, or the Smart TV, but if I allow it, he will use me as a crutch instead. It's a trade off, since I could kill bugs, and lift the groceries, but he does it for me. He can't spell either, so I am his crutch for that. too.
I can take a lesson from you, cynwldkat. Someday, I might miss being used as a crutch, and the fact that he can't ever turn a light off, so I'll try to be more patient. Your young man next door will probably love being a help to you, so let him do it. Win, Win.
Cyn, You will find yourself again. You have been through so much the past couple of years, and now everything is so different in your life. You lost your DH, but along with that you also lost a full-time job. I agree with all the others who have said the same thing in one way or another, that your focus right now is taking care of Cyn. I know that sometimes the sorrow is so overwhelming, and the loss so intense, but you will get through it and come out stronger. You always do. You know it will take time, and I believe that knowing that these feelings are going to be hanging around for awhile sometimes just makes one more depressed. You have fought and worked and worried and loved with so much courage and grace. And you will continue with those same gifts to find out who you are now that your life is so changed.
I am glad you have your critters because you love them and they love you, and they do comfort in so many ways. You have touched a lot of people on this board, and you have become a part of them as much as they have to you. You have inspired people in ways you will never know.
What a lovely post BadKittens! If and only if I was able to help even just one person from all the conversations that have gone on through this last few years here on CD then it would make this whole thing seem just a bit easier so thank you! Tomorrow is my big day....I am getting Baptized and joining the church all on the same day! I feel God directed me to that particular church not only because I drive by it every day and have always felt a certain type of "home" when I see it but also that is where my neighbor with ALS goes and his family are the ones who were here by my side and held me up through it all and cared for my critters when I was staying in the hospital with my D/H. I go to grief group there and have already met a lot of people. It's not that I always agree with what the preacher is saying but a person is allowed to have their own feelings about certain things ----at least that is my feelings. I don't think anyone always agrees with everything anyhow. It will be a new step.....
And yes gentlearts, when I look back I miss so much not being a crutch for my DH now. I'd give anything to take back some of the times I would be impatient with him. But we are always going to be human and do things we wish we didn't--it's very difficult not to fall into the guilt feelings but I have to remind myself guilt is a useless emotion and will help no one especially me. So I'm working on that!
Not sure why--maybe anxiety or even those "rocks in my head" calcium deposits again but when I woke up this morning I was so off balance and really weird feeling. I ate and did a little housework and feel better now. Could have even been a migraine I suppose. No temperature so that is a good thing. Going to jump in the shower and get refreshed a bit and then just relax. I'm had a lot going on and I think I can use that time off now.
Congratulations on your Baptism tomorrow, Cyn! That's wonderful. My husband was "fumble fingered" too. I used to get so upset with him. I wish I could take it all back now. Sometimes I would have to call and speak with a tech to get the tv straightened out. I, too, have a neighbor who has helped me out a lot with these darned new technical things.
I hope you are feeling better this afternoon. If those symptoms persist get yourself to your doctor! Could be as simple as an ear infection but you really should have it checked out. Remember, take care of Cyn!
Honestly I am not even sure how to work the tv anymore with the remote and all the things just to watch even the news. I had my service cut back to the absolute necessity to keep the cost to a bare minimum. It will probably still allow me to hear music but I will just have to figure it out. We have Dish. So many times when my DH was still alive he'd want to watch something but his poor hands and fingers could not push the correct buttons so he'd get the remote and tv all messed up---and I'd get upset and tell him I knew how to fix it--with a hammer! Wish I could take that all back but I still feel the same way. When it gets messed up with me the very last thing I want to do is call and have one of "their" techs" try to tell me how to repair it. I do not repair tv's! So that is what I tell them--thank Goodness I have a young man that lives next door that is good with it so he always tries to help me out. I just want an off and on button with an arrow that goes up and down. Why is that so difficult??? Enough of that. Music would be good. Once again my friend and I discussed her coming out to stay for a trial visit and possible move but she wants to wait until after the holidays now---to much air traffic she says. I think she wants to be sure I have time to get my life in order too. Figure out who I am a bit more. Not sure that is ever going to happen but I can hope.
Cyn, I'm with you when it comes to TV, or any other appliances, when it comes down to it. Just a few well-marked buttons for basic functions, that's all. We had quite a set-up for the TV/CDplayer/VCR system with surround sound that my husband just had to have ( this was to replace some stuff we lost in HUrricane Andrew) and I can tell you we had it for about 15 years and I never even learned to work the remotes or even turn on the dumb thing! I can't tell you how many times I wanted to take hammer to the system when my husband would sit in the living room and watch "shootem-up" movies, LOUD!
So I agree, basic is good. If what you'd like is music, if you've got some radio stations that play the kind of music you like to hear, a radio with stereo speakers isn't too expensive, or if you don't have those stations in range, perhaps a CD player might do the trick?
I can very well understand your friend's wanting to wait till after the holidays to travel- the airlines keep raising their prices, springing even more extra fees onto the price of a ticket, and packing even more folks into airlines like sardines, and this all goes into high gear during the holiday seasons. I'd agree it's better on a traveler's psyche to wait till after peak traveling times when things are only half crazy! She'll get there, and hopefully when she does it'll be the best time for both of you.
As for figuring out who you are- well, somehow I don't think we wake up one morning and think, "NOW, I've got it"- if that happens, I'm still waiting! I think it's a gradual process in which we hardly notice the changes, but over time, we realize that we've come to some new perspectives, we're a little more comfortable, maybe, with ourselves, we've got more self-confidence, and we don't worry so much about the opinions of others or let those play the major part of our own decisions. It's a process, maybe lifelong for some of us, maybe not so long for others, but we can't short-circuit it in any way.
Well I'm out the door--not sure why I'm so anxious--guess it's another step and new for me....I think I will freeze to death! Ha! It is so cold today. Will fill everyone in when I get home.
It was all and more then I had hoped for. It was a strange but good feeling. One I will always treasure. Right after the baptism the priest asked if I would become a member of their church and for all of those members who agreed to say so. It was lovely. The people are so nice and I feel like I have a home here. I missed my grieving meeting because I had a transmission man come out to look at all the parts we have. Not sure how it went---he said he does want them but the price is going to be low. It will be a lot of work for him to come and get them all and them go through it, pick out what he wants and then sell or use the rest. I understand. Yes, I feel sad knowing how much love, and time and money my DH put into all of those things but that was him. Had things worked out the way we had planned those parts surely would have made a nice retirement, a little at a time selling online. But things changed so I just have to accept that and pray I will get enough to at least have a little nest egg. Anyhow my day had it's usual ups and downs but being one with God was one of the best up moments in my life!
It was all and more then I had hoped for. It was a strange but good feeling. One I will always treasure. Right after the baptism the priest asked if I would become a member of their church and for all of those members who agreed to say so. It was lovely. The people are so nice and I feel like I have a home here. I missed my grieving meeting because I had a transmission man come out to look at all the parts we have. Not sure how it went---he said he does want them but the price is going to be low. It will be a lot of work for him to come and get them all and them go through it, pick out what he wants and then sell or use the rest. I understand. Yes, I feel sad knowing how much love, and time and money my DH put into all of those things but that was him. Had things worked out the way we had planned those parts surely would have made a nice retirement, a little at a time selling online. But things changed so I just have to accept that and pray I will get enough to at least have a little nest egg. Anyhow my day had it's usual ups and downs but being one with God was one of the best up moments in my life!
It just gets better the longer you walk with Him cyn even when you are down He is there. Welcome to the family of God sister!
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Wish I could take that all back but I still feel the same way. When it gets messed up with me the very last thing I want to do is call and have one of "their" techs" try to tell me how to repair it. I do not repair tv's! So that is what I tell them--thank Goodness I have a young man that lives next door that is good with it so he always tries to help me out. I just want an off and on button with an arrow that goes up and down. Why is that so difficult??? Enough of that. Music would be good. Once again my friend and I discussed her coming out to stay for a trial visit and possible move but she wants to wait until after the holidays now---to much air traffic she says. I think she wants to be sure I have time to get my life in order too. Figure out who I am a bit more. Not sure that is ever going to happen but I can hope. 
I think it's a gradual process in which we hardly notice the changes, but over time, we realize that we've come to some new perspectives, we're a little more comfortable, maybe, with ourselves, we've got more self-confidence, and we don't worry so much about the opinions of others or let those play the major part of our own decisions. It's a process, maybe lifelong for some of us, maybe not so long for others, but we can't short-circuit it in any way. 
