Way to go Somerville... (Cambridge, Salem: apartment, daycare, homes)

[brightdoglover]

Originally Posted by mdovell

...
Ironically I think some of this is actually discussed by Alvin Toffler Future Shock back in the early 1970s I might be able to dig up the old movie of Orson Welles doing the narration

I'm old enough to remember "The Harrad Experiment" back then, and even then, I thought it unlikely that I'd be drawn to more than one person strongly at a time, never mind everyone drawn to everyone involved.

I've known people in informal group marriages/etc. Neediest bunch of people I ever met- always had to have someone the same night or time spent as their primary person. Lots of baby boom ego for all parties. Very unappealing to me. Took a lot of money (one couple was loaded) to buy the big house for apartments for everyone.

Legally is all I'd care about- what does a town ordnance mean?

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by Bridge781

Everyone’s so quick to jump down on the people who think this is weird. Why are y’all ok with it ? We’ve just become an anything goes, do whatever you want society when it comes to so many things.

It doesn’t affect me if my 50 yr old neighbor gets breast implants either but I still think it’s ridiculous.

Why wouldn't I be? Mutually consenting adults having the relationship type that works for them. May not be what I want, but its not my business. If it works for them, its consensual and happy, power to them.

[Bridge781]

At the end of the day I don’t care that much but if it comes up in conversation or on a message board I’m going to put in my 2 cents. I think it’s creepy and yes I guess it makes me uncomfortable.

I personally know someone living in Somerville who is in this situation and I feel bad for her. She deserves better even if she is ok with it. No one should be ok with that type of arrangement. Why even get married? Oh right the benefits. And to be radically different from everyone else.

[in_newengland]

What about the stability of the group relationships and how it will affect the kids? If these people want to have group sex, go right ahead, but they're going to have a bunch of confused, mixed up kids. One kid with have one mother and their sibling will have the same mother and a different father. Okay, that happens, but multiply that and add in different combinations of mothers and fathers. And who is financially and emotionally responsible for which kids? Who will set the rules and teach the values or will they just be allowed to grow up any old messed up way with no guidance? Where does this leave the grandparents? The aunts and uncles?

Since these people aren't settled (?) enough to commit to one person won't they move away sometime when they get tired of the group? Do they take a kid with them? Who do the kids belong to anyway. Who makes the decisions regarding school and who buys clothes and toys for them if they belong to everyone or anyone.I guess I've missed the point though--I just don't get it, I'll admit.

[timberline742]

Who said anything about group sex?
Or kids? Or multiple fathers and mothers? SMDH.



Lots of assumptions and interjections. Its pretty clear not to many of you have poly friends that are comfortable admitting they're poly to you. I have no doubt you know poly people, but like gay relationships of the past, people are pretty picky about who they reveal personal information to.



Almost all poly people I know are pretty darn boring and conventional. They have board game nights, knit, go biking... its like you're all making it out to be some hedonistic debauchery. If it wasn't so ridiculous, it would be funny.

[Bridge781]

Of course they are careful about who they tell. Because they know it’s weird and taboo. It’s just what they want to do. Lack of boundaries. Lack of desire to just stay committed to one person but they want the benefits of being married and having a family. What would the world be like if everyone participated in open marriage ? I guess people can’t commit to much of anything anymore. They just don’t want to. There’s very much this, it’s my life and I’ll do what I want. I don’t want to do this myself. I need a sister wife and it’s perfectly fine if my husband sleeps with her.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by Bridge781

Of course they are careful about who they tell. Because they know it’s weird and taboo. It’s just what they want to do. Lack of boundaries. Lack of desire to just stay committed to one person but they want the benefits of being married and having a family. What would the world be like if everyone participated in open marriage ? I guess people can’t commit to much of anything anymore. They just don’t want to. There’s very much this, it’s my life and I’ll do what I want. I don’t want to do this myself. I need a sister wife and it’s perfectly fine if my husband sleeps with her.

They don't share because they know there are no shortage of judgmental out there.


Open marriages are different, of course, but no shortage of those around.


They seem to me much better than cheating, which has always been common.


And, yes, they commit. Poly doesn't mean no commitment. One of my closest friends (unfortunately just over the line in north Cambridge so they don't benefit from this has been with her primary for close to 20 years since her early 20s, they bought their place over 15 years ago... not committed? Laughable.)



And yes, people have one life, and if they're being honest and open, and engaging in consensual behavior, they should do what they want. People certainly shouldn't be living a life that doesn't make them happy just to conform to someone else's boundaries or standards. That's ludicrous.

[in_newengland]

Originally Posted by timberline742

They don't share because they know there are no shortage of judgmental out there.


Open marriages are different, of course, but no shortage of those around.


They seem to me much better than cheating, which has always been common.


And, yes, they commit. Poly doesn't mean no commitment. One of my closest friends (unfortunately just over the line in north Cambridge so they don't benefit from this has been with her primary for close to 20 years since her early 20s, they bought their place over 15 years ago... not committed? Laughable.)



And yes, people have one life, and if they're being honest and open, and engaging in consensual behavior, they should do what they want. People certainly shouldn't be living a life that doesn't make them happy just to conform to someone else's boundaries or standards. That's ludicrous.

Still, what about the kids. Also, I don't think people should be able to do whatever they want. Same as not wanting to wear a mask or social distance. The idea of committed relationships has served us pretty well for eons. Hasn't worked perfectly but in general, it does work well. Having no boundaries and doing whatever you want just because you want to is childish. I don't think it should be encouraged.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by in_newengland

Still, what about the kids. Also, I don't think people should be able to do whatever they want. Same as not wanting to wear a mask or social distance. The idea of committed relationships has served us pretty well for eons. Hasn't worked perfectly but in general, it does work well. Having no boundaries and doing whatever you want just because you want to is childish. I don't think it should be encouraged.

They still have committed relationships.
There are still boundaries, those agreed upon by mutually consenting adults in the relationship, no different than any other relationship type.
You assume there are kids for some reason, and that if there are, they are hurt by this, for some odd reason.

And we get it, you believe mutually consenting should "not be able to" live their lives as they wish. You're anti people being free and having free will and living the life/lives they feel are healthiest and happiest for themselves. You want to force them into a single relationship type for your comfort.

Worked well for eons? Says who? For who? Partnership for romantic love, historically, is a relatively new phenomenon. Arranged marriages are far older... shall we go back to those since free will is not important? Both open marriages and infidelity has been around too. Is it better to put forth the image of what society wants, or, to be unfaithful (if we are going to grasp to for historic precedent) instead of being open and honest? I, personally, respect openness and honesty far more than deceit.

[massnative71]

Originally Posted by timberline742

They don't share because they know there are no shortage of judgmental out there.


Open marriages are different, of course, but no shortage of those around.


They seem to me much better than cheating, which has always been common.


And, yes, they commit. Poly doesn't mean no commitment. One of my closest friends (unfortunately just over the line in north Cambridge so they don't benefit from this has been with her primary for close to 20 years since her early 20s, they bought their place over 15 years ago... not committed? Laughable.)



And yes, people have one life, and if they're being honest and open, and engaging in consensual behavior, they should do what they want. People certainly shouldn't be living a life that doesn't make them happy just to conform to someone else's boundaries or standards. That's ludicrous.

I guess you just have less faith in the human race than I do.