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Simply put, I'm curious and interested. I like to know how people view the world, and I like to try and see things from their eyes. I understand that everyone has their limit and their boundaries, it wasn't consciously my intent to cross yours.
fine , as long as your not one of those do gooders who gets on the phone to emergencys services and hysterically claims that someone somewhere is planning something stupid , dont want to sound paranoid but its a small world and some people feel they have a duty to involve themselves in things they dont
i dont envisage thier being a conversation between us , i will leave a letter with them which explains in detail what they did and how thier actions set of a chain of events which led me to where i am now , i will also do something else which should drive home the message , this person managed to brainwash me into thinking i was a horrid wicked person , i tried to kill myself off the back of thier malevolent false appraisals , psychatricsts educated me about the kind of psychological projection which was employed , this person deployed intense verbal abuse in thier war against me , it was a hatred of the most visceral kind , i didnt know how to deal with it , was in shock at its ferocity and dealt with it badly , post traumatic stress eventually kicked in and i began to unravel psychologically , that was more than thirteen years ago , its impossible not to be bitter , my home life was dysfunctional growing up so i needed a lucky break in my early adulthood , not only did i not get it , i went from the frying pan into the fire
I'm really sorry that happened. There are some nasty people in this world. I understand that you feel that your life took a turn of events, just by meeting someone. the good thing is, it can change again. It will take a lot of work, but its worth it
I'm really sorry that happened. There are some nasty people in this world. I understand that you feel that your life took a turn of events, just by meeting someone. the good thing is, it can change again. It will take a lot of work, but its worth it
fine , as long as your not one of those do gooders who gets on the phone to emergencys services and hysterically claims that someone somewhere is planning something stupid , dont want to sound paranoid but its a small world and some people feel they have a duty to involve themselves in things they dont
I've never been in a situation where I've had to call to even felt compelled to call, though I wouldn't be surprised if I'd have to in the future.
You killing yourself won't drive a message home, in case that was your intent after sending the letter. I have no idea. And whether or not you believe me, I don't know. You'd be amazed by how far the ego goes to prevent someone from taking personal responsibility for their actions.
many people have moved through severe depression and come out the other side. Its a gruelling process though. And they are happy that they didn't give in. I think it would be a terrible shame to have someone else dictate your life that way....
I've never been in a situation where I've had to call to even felt compelled to call, though I wouldn't be surprised if I'd have to in the future.
You killing yourself won't drive a message home, in case that was your intent after sending the letter. I have no idea. And whether or not you believe me, I don't know. You'd be amazed by how far the ego goes to prevent someone from taking personal responsibility for their actions.
I'm not saying you are wrong but aren't you being a tad presumptuous ?
As for taking responsibility , I didn't wrong anyone
i dont envisage thier being a conversation between us , i will leave a letter with them which explains in detail what they did and how thier actions set of a chain of events which led me to where i am now , i will also do something else which should drive home the message , this person managed to brainwash me into thinking i was a horrid wicked person , i tried to kill myself off the back of thier malevolent false appraisals , psychatricsts educated me about the kind of psychological projection which was employed , this person deployed intense verbal abuse in thier war against me , it was a hatred of the most visceral kind , i didnt know how to deal with it , was in shock at its ferocity and dealt with it badly , post traumatic stress eventually kicked in and i began to unravel psychologically , that was more than thirteen years ago , its impossible not to be bitter , my home life was dysfunctional growing up so i needed a lucky break in my early adulthood , not only did i not get it , i went from the frying pan into the fire
Bob, I understand that you needed a break and you didn't get it. I had something similar happen to me for the past couple of years and it was eating up my life. I was already stressed out from being in the middle of a divorce and with 2 teenagers still at home and my beloved g-ma died and then my mother did and I had this psychopath at work who did pretty much to me as you just described. It was horrible and I had just about given it all up until another coworker pointed out to me how much I still have to be grateful for and she was so right. I began to think about all those things and I got so much happier that my confidence began to soar and I ended up getting a promotion at work, despite the smear tactics of that other coworker. She actually destroyed my best reference and teaching jobs depend on your letters of reference so I was up stink creek this time last year. I hope you can find the means to move on as I did--I had a crappy childhood too so can relate to that, but just remember that this is a small part of your life and that you can overcome. Now when I see that coworker in the halls I just wave cheerfully and delight in the bitter look on her face b/c she worked so hard to discredit my work and it didn't work. LOL. And the tables had completely turned by the time I left and I didn't even have to fight evil with evil.
Also, may I recommend that you don't send that letter? This person has no conscience and will actually laugh at it b/c that was what they wanted all along was for you to be hurt. You cannot make a person with no conscience feel guilt or regret so it will be effort wasted on your part. The best revenge for a person like this is a life well lived and then to forget them--there are many people out there like that and you have probably already learned to avoid them so your chances of running into this again are less. Not zero though, so tread carefully.
Try this tomorrow morning Bob. When you wake up just lie in your bed for a few minutes and luxuriate in the feeling of being in your nice warm bed and be thankful that you have it. Then think about the food you ate this week and be thankful that there was enough and that it was delicious. If it was not, resolve to eat at least one very delicious meal this week. Then keep thinking outward to all the wonderful, cozy, comfortable things you have in your life and the nice people you know, even if it's just a salesclerk you see often and who has a fantastic smile.
Well you have your own things to be thankful for and even though this all sounds simplistic, it is much more powerful than it sounds. Studies have shown that gratitude can raise your happiness setpoint by 25% and that's pretty considerable--bet paxil can't even make that claim. And what's the point of having blessings if we can't manage to appreciate the ones we do have? And then when you get really good at this, you can even learn to be grateful for the challenges.
Some will say that I don't understand what they're going through, but I have been depressed all of my life--I don't even have happier days to compare anything to. My folks economized on food way too much and so I had a very poor diet and really bad allergies and ADD and seizures and was the class reject growing up. Adulthood has been hard too, but life was on an even keel for awhile and my health had actually improved after I got out on my own and began to eat real food instead of the sugary white bread crap that I grew up on.
But I also take the POV that this is life and it was never meant to be a happy place--that comes after. The only thing that any of us can expect out of life is to learn to love others and to learn to make good decisions, and that's despite anything that has happened to us in the past. I don't know whether this will help anyone or not but it is not my intent to be trite or to diminish what anyone else has been through.
I'm not saying you are wrong but aren't you being a tad presumptuous ?
As for taking responsibility , I didn't wrong anyone
irish_bob, I've dealt with depression my entire life. I understand how running into the wrong person or people can turn your life upside down. It's happened to me twice now. The first sociopath ruined me on the job. The second two sociopaths have tried to kill my animals and stalked me.
What I say to you is to let it go. These life wreckers will not be moved by a letter. Success is the best revenge. I don't define success as most do. I define it as not letting these kind of people ruin my life. I didn't wrong anyone either. But I've learned that there are some very sick people in this world and the best thing we can do for ourselves is to have no contact and do the best we can to put it behind us. I hope this makes sense.
I'm not saying you are wrong but aren't you being a tad presumptuous ?
As for taking responsibility , I didn't wrong anyone
No not you. I was speaking of "them". I get the feeling that people get it into their heads that after they take themselves out of the world, "they'll be sorry". And that just doesn't happen that way because their egos cover the bases. Some people don't feel that kind of connectivity to others, not in that way. As a little kid I was teased occasionally by my peers and I use to think, "Wait til I run away! They'll be sorry!" Never happened. I moved and it was like, "Out of sight, out of mind" to them and the only person who was holding onto to the grief and memory was me.
Sorry, I'm a bit of an open book. But I really am trying to tread lightly round your boundary. I have no idea what you're going to do and you indirectly refuse to tell me so I really am just going on instinct.
No not you. I was speaking of "them". I get the feeling that people get it into their heads that after they take themselves out of the world, "they'll be sorry". And that just doesn't happen that way because their egos cover the bases. Some people don't feel that kind of connectivity to others, not in that way. As a little kid I was teased occasionally by my peers and I use to think, "Wait til I run away! They'll be sorry!" Never happened. I moved and it was like, "Out of sight, out of mind" to them and the only person who was holding onto to the grief and memory was me.
Sorry, I'm a bit of an open book. But I really am trying to tread lightly round your boundary. I have no idea what you're going to do and you indirectly refuse to tell me so I really am just going on instinct.
I already said I had no intention of harming this person , I have no desire to go to prison and ruin my reputation with family etc
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I get the feeling that people get it into their heads that after they take themselves out of the world, "they'll be sorry". And that just doesn't happen that way because their egos cover the bases. Some people don't feel that kind of connectivity to others, not in that way. As a little kid I was teased occasionally by my peers and I use to think, "Wait til I run away! They'll be sorry!" Never happened. I moved and it was like, "Out of sight, out of mind" to them and the only person who was holding onto to the grief and memory was me. 