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Old 05-10-2012, 10:40 AM
 
Location: A circle of Hell so insidious, infernal and odious, Dante dared not map it
623 posts, read 1,079,138 times
Reputation: 472

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I hope this doesn't sound inappropriate, but I used to have a lot of friends that were transgender, transsexual and even one who was intersexed. They were some of the greatest and strongest people I have ever known, having developed an impressive sense of humor, iron will and an unprecedented joie de vivre. I used to do volunteer work regularly (whenever my friend had worthwhile opportunities) and one was a shelter for people undergoing that transformation. This shelter provided financial assistance and a support network amongst them to get through this together. But while helping out with this fundraiser, I noticed a MASSIVE turnout of people who came to support them.

My point with all this is that you are not alone.

If you're interested, here are some books I read that I think might help (and I'm neither transgender nor transsexual, but I am sympathetic to the issues they face):

By Kate Bornstein
Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us
My Gender Workbook: How to Become a Real Man, a Real Woman, the Real You, or Something Else Entirely

By Leslie Feinberg (I heard him speak, and he's quite intelligent, eloquent and motivational)
Stone Butch Blues (fiction, but somewhat autobiographical of his transformation from female to male)
Transgender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman

By Judith Butler
Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity
Undoing Gender

Single books/authors:
The Last Time I Wore a Dress; Daphne Scholinski
Sexing the Body: Gender Politics and the Construction of Sexuality; Anne Fausto-Sterling

Okay, I have many more but this list is running a bit long. I've read all of them before, and recommend all of them to give you some insight. I read them because my graduate degree was focused on GLBT Studies, so I could try to give you more assistance by DM if you like. Just remember, you're at a low point now that will pass.

Last edited by phxgreenfire; 05-10-2012 at 10:52 AM..

 
Old 05-10-2012, 06:13 PM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,519 posts, read 8,202,568 times
Reputation: 19437
dragon, here's something to think about - (as if you didn't have enough) you hate your job and you're possibly going to lose your home, so how about if you make a real effort to find a job, no matter how menial, where a room (or apartment) is included. Sometimes resorts offer this type of job on a seasonal basis, but it might be enough to get you out of the job you hate anyway and into a place to stay while you sort out the rest of the problems.

There is an answer to almost every problem. But when you're facing a list, nothing seems to have a solution. You have to face your problems the way you eat a pizza. One bite at a time.
 
Old 05-10-2012, 08:28 PM
 
Location: Purgatory
2,663 posts, read 4,684,046 times
Reputation: 3054
All,

Thanks for the advice. My wife and I are still divorcing. I'm not exactly hurt by that, just in shock. Um...I can't apply for retail work simply because I can't even ask for ham from the deli counter without experiencing a lot of anxiety. I don't do eye contact. I feel scared around people in general. My work options are somewhat limited.

I regret not acting on this last year when I went to see an SRS specialist and a therapist in Miami and planned to start hormone treatment. I'm 35 years old and my time to be a girl is running out. I wish my mother and stepfather hasn't pushed me into having testosterone injections as a teenager as I would never have become a man in the first place.

Anyone who jokes about this or thinks it's some sort of "fad" needs to take it from me....this is hell and had been for as long as I can remember. Try waking up tomorrow in the wrong body and see how you feel = UGLY. Imagine not being able to dress how you want and imagine being "conditioned" into acting a certain way just because. I would rather be dead than face even 2 more years of this.
 
Old 05-10-2012, 09:00 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,995 posts, read 17,909,535 times
Reputation: 14321
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonborn View Post
Anyone who jokes about this or thinks it's some sort of "fad" needs to take it from me....this is hell and had been for as long as I can remember. Try waking up tomorrow in the wrong body and see how you feel = UGLY. Imagine not being able to dress how you want and imagine being "conditioned" into acting a certain way just because. I would rather be dead than face even 2 more years of this.
Dragon, unless you're getting some really mean DM's, I must say that everyone here has been really understanding. I'm sure we're all thinking, "There but for the grace of God go I." I know I am and your story has given me one more thing for my gratitude awareness, which I try to practice regularly. What I'm thinking is this--are you sure you're not projecting other people's attitudes onto yourself about your "secret"? Making it out to be worse than it really is? I mean, yes, people do giggle a bit and make rude comments at times, but they do that about everything. Lord you ought to hear all the rude comments about ADHD when I'm unwise enough to bring it up here. Sure there are lots of self-proclaimed experts out there but do they really impact your life? You deserve to stop being ashamed of yourself, no matter what lifestyle you ultimately choose and as you can see, people are much more understanding than you thought they would be. Am I right?
 
Old 05-10-2012, 09:10 PM
 
Location: Purgatory
2,663 posts, read 4,684,046 times
Reputation: 3054
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
Dragon, unless you're getting some really mean DM's, I must say that everyone here has been really understanding. I'm sure we're all thinking, "There but for the grace of God go I." I know I am and your story has given me one more thing for my gratitude awareness, which I try to practice regularly. What I'm thinking is this--are you sure you're not projecting other people's attitudes onto yourself about your "secret"? Making it out to be worse than it really is? I mean, yes, people do giggle a bit and make rude comments at times, but they do that about everything. Lord you ought to hear all the rude comments about ADHD when I'm unwise enough to bring it up here. Sure there are lots of self-proclaimed experts out there but do they really impact your life? You deserve to stop being ashamed of yourself, no matter what lifestyle you ultimately choose and as you can see, people are much more understanding than you thought they would be. Am I right?
Hey....

I probably have ADHD too. It wasn't directed at anyone here, just people in general. Ashamed? No. Trapped? Yes. I can't be ashamed of someone I've always been, albeit my physical presence on this earth in this lifetime does not reflect who I am.
 
Old 05-10-2012, 09:14 PM
 
Location: Mississippi
1,248 posts, read 1,879,018 times
Reputation: 2500
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
Dragon, unless you're getting some really mean DM's, I must say that everyone here has been really understanding. I'm sure we're all thinking, "There but for the grace of God go I." I know I am and your story has given me one more thing for my gratitude awareness, which I try to practice regularly. What I'm thinking is this--are you sure you're not projecting other people's attitudes onto yourself about your "secret"? Making it out to be worse than it really is? I mean, yes, people do giggle a bit and make rude comments at times, but they do that about everything. Lord you ought to hear all the rude comments about ADHD when I'm unwise enough to bring it up here. Sure there are lots of self-proclaimed experts out there but do they really impact your life? You deserve to stop being ashamed of yourself, no matter what lifestyle you ultimately choose and as you can see, people are much more understanding than you thought they would be. Am I right?
Very good post.
 
Old 05-10-2012, 09:21 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,995 posts, read 17,909,535 times
Reputation: 14321
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonborn View Post
Hey....

I probably have ADHD too. It wasn't directed at anyone here, just people in general. Ashamed? No. Trapped? Yes. I can't be ashamed of someone I've always been, albeit my physical presence on this earth in this lifetime does not reflect who I am.
Well if it helps, I'm picturing you as a woman.
 
Old 05-10-2012, 09:25 PM
 
Location: Purgatory
2,663 posts, read 4,684,046 times
Reputation: 3054
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
Well if it helps, I'm picturing you as a woman.
If the person I saw in the mirror matched that, I most likely would not be posting on mental health forums and wanting to end my life.
 
Old 05-10-2012, 09:41 PM
 
Location: A circle of Hell so insidious, infernal and odious, Dante dared not map it
623 posts, read 1,079,138 times
Reputation: 472
Not to sound mocking, but have you considered going out in public dressed as the opposite gender? Your anxiety could be related to how you feel about your body, and you might just not feel comfortable in your own skin... but that's just a hypothesis on my end. For now you might want to look up makeup techniques drag queens use (though don't exaggerate it as much as they do) so that you can learn how to reduce your masculine features. I will say that none of the people I knew made their change before age 40, so it's never too late.
 
Old 05-10-2012, 10:13 PM
 
Location: Beautiful hills
248 posts, read 412,602 times
Reputation: 506
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonborn View Post
...albeit my physical presence on this earth in this lifetime does not reflect who I am.
I often wondered if it were (subconscious?) past life memories that make some uncomfortable in their "new" (this time around) bodies
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