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Old 09-24-2012, 11:36 AM
 
924 posts, read 1,427,459 times
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This is coming from a self acknowledged unattractive person.


Not only does it affect dating life but like it or not it affect's people's impressions of you. It's definitely doing a number on my self-confidence and I'm already subject to depression.
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Old 09-24-2012, 11:44 AM
 
14,009 posts, read 14,469,011 times
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I have my ugly days, and I know I'm not a lot of folks' cup of tea. But plenty of men have found me beautiful, especially after they've gotten to know me. And while I have many attractive features, I've found it's often the ones that I discount the most that men find attractive.

But I like how I look in general. It's the face I've grown up with. If other people don't find it attractive, that's on them. I don't really care all that much about other people's opinions. So there's no struggle to "hold my head up" - accept me on my terms or not, but I don't really have much emotional investment either way. I've got a happy life that I've worked really hard for - superficial schmucks can't rain on that.
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Old 09-24-2012, 11:45 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
82,454 posts, read 75,483,610 times
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Deal with the depression, get professional help if necessary. Our standard advice around here is to work on developing an outgoing personality, have plenty of interests and/or hobbies to talk about, get involved in volunteer organizations or causes you believe in so you have a sense of accomplishment (that really helps build self-esteem/confidence). It's a little hard to get more specific, since we don't know if you're male or female.
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Old 09-24-2012, 11:46 AM
 
496 posts, read 846,187 times
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I am refusing to agree to label anyone "an unattractive person." However, if you're referring to people who are being judged superficially as like the lower 50th percentile or whatever, I can go there. For most of us, we're somewhere in the middle. Some people find us attractive and some don't. For those with high self esteem regardless, I think they experience themselves as the sum of their parts, rather than a public image. Experiencing yourself and your body in a positive way makes life pleasant and builds positive self-associations. Exercise, pursuing your interests, etc: these all help keep you proud of yourself.
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Old 09-24-2012, 11:47 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 90,405,050 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Llewelyn View Post
This is coming from a self acknowledged unattractive person.


Not only does it affect dating life but like it or not it affect's people's impressions of you. It's definitely doing a number on my self-confidence and I'm already subject to depression.
Please, please, get some help for that depression - there is no reason to live like this!

What you "feel" about yourself is making you unattractive, not the other way around.
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Old 09-24-2012, 11:49 AM
 
864 posts, read 1,230,963 times
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Everyone has their ugly days, where no matter what they do, they feel like crap about themselves, both on the inside and outside. But if you are battling depression, seek help for that, because it's hard to feel good about yourself when you are depressed. And when you feel good about yourself, it will show up "on the outside." I'm sure these are things you already know, but they do bear repeating. Hang in there.
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Old 09-24-2012, 11:51 AM
 
924 posts, read 1,427,459 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Please, please, get some help for that depression - there is no reason to live like this!

What you "feel" about yourself is making you unattractive, not the other way around.
Now I may not be as ugly as I claim and this may partially be due to the depression, but I've had enough validation in life to know for a fact I'm on the lower end of the spectrum.

I've also narrowed it down as a jaw issue that's given my face a certain shape (and surgeries exist to correc this jaw issue, it's not plastic surgery either), so it most certainly isn't all in my head, even if the depression is amplifying the magnitude of it.
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Old 09-24-2012, 11:55 AM
 
14,747 posts, read 29,432,457 times
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There are unattractive people who are well-liked. There are unattractive people who are not popular.

There are attractive people who are popular. There are attractive people who are not well-liked.

Generally, personality comes into play (yes, it does), abilities and talents, and basic self-esteem emanating from the home environment. Those can help offset those things. If those are absent, it's probably a tougher road. If it's debilitating, psychological intervention is almost necessary.
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Old 09-24-2012, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Chicago
3,193 posts, read 5,511,977 times
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Even the ugliest of people can be hot if they take care of themselves. By that I mean, exercising and eating right, showering and dressing nice. There are things you can do to improve your self esteem, you just have to want it bad enough.
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Old 09-24-2012, 12:02 PM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
41,226 posts, read 59,538,157 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Llewelyn View Post
Now I may not be as ugly as I claim and this may partially be due to the depression, but I've had enough validation in life to know for a fact I'm on the lower end of the spectrum.

I've also narrowed it down as a jaw issue that's given my face a certain shape (and surgeries exist to correc this jaw issue, it's not plastic surgery either), so it most certainly isn't all in my head, even if the depression is amplifying the magnitude of it.

And what exactly is so ugly about you? Maybe you can work on that...
People can get corrective surgeries if the physical imperfections affect their daily life, including mental health.
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