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Sorry to hear about everyone's situations. I am going through something similar with my husband. He has been on FMLA since September 25th because of severe depression, anxiety and mood swings. He is on temporary disability and is returning to work 12/4/18. It started out he did not feel well, almost flu like. So he was home for 4 days. The day he was supposed to return to work he woke up and had what I call a meltdown. Crying, screaming. So he called in sick again. Next day we got a call from his job he needs to go on Family leave. He's 46 years old. This is nothing new for him, It's happened in the past even before we got together. He is getting therapy every week, the doctor adjusted his medications, plus his thyroid was out of whack so they adjusted those meds, his type 2 diabetes A1C was high etc.... He is doing a lot better but had another meltdown the day before Thanksgiving and chose to stay home. I went to my mom's. Between him, the issues with my mom (alcoholic) plus she fell and broke her arm Monday I am surprised I haven't snapped yet. I am a strong person and care giver but there comes a point when enough is enough. Thankfully my mom is taking it one day at a time and has not touched a drink since Monday so keeping our fingers crossed. She quit once before and was sober for 3 years. I have a lot on my plate too and I also take anxiety meds as well. I am hanging in there.
It's very hard to be the SO or daughter of someone in the throes of mental illness or alcoholism, sorry you are dealing with this.
Have you considered therapy for yourself? (It's understandable you'd feel anxiety). Someone to get your feelings out with, get some validation and possibly ideas for coping...also there are support groups for families of those with mental illness as well as for those with alcoholic family members. Check Google for those in your area.
And I'm sure you know you must take care so you can be there for others. Take an afternoon or evening and go do something you enjoy, to clear your head. Exercise would help as well. Give yourself permission.
Hopefully your husband can improve with adjustment of medications. It's very hard to be in his position, been there. It's a battle for a lifetime. Has he been evaluated for treatment resistant depression? Also, I finally got relief with two antidepressants, and one antipsychotic med that are used off label, or for situations that are different than psychosis, and one mood stabilizer. Took a long time to get to a good place...but everyone is so different in response to meds.
Your mom been through rehab before? Or has she attended AA meetings?
I'm afraid to be positive about her white knuckle days of not drinking without further professional help or at least getting a sponsor in AA and going to meetings....breaking bones when drunk is common, a definite sign that help is needed...if she has not gone to AA or to rehab this is the time. Involve her family MD to help you arrange treatment and hopefully she'll agree. You could also try having family members tell her in a loving way how her drinking affects them and how much they want help for her. But of course she must decide on her own if she's had enough and is willing to take steps toward sobriety.
Wish we had a magic pill to make it go away. But this is your reality. Keep us updated and
come here to vent, we get it here on this thread.
Last edited by greatblueheron; 11-24-2018 at 11:03 AM..
I had to throw my 31 year old out of my house and he is very mad at me. He keeps making stupid mistakes and won't look for a job so when he made another doozy two weeks ago Saturday I told him he couldn't come back and took his key. He was spending the night at a girlfriend's so I told him to stay there. I brought him his clothes, etc. He is recuperating from a motorcycle accident that he wouldn't have had IF he hadn't gone out at 2 a.m. for a ride after feeling sick all day. Left his daughter with the GF and let someone else drive his bike who had little experience and they wrecked. The cop came to my door at 3 a.m. Do you know what that does to a mother when a cop shows up at your door at 3 a.m.? Luckily he survived this time with broken bones, a concussion and some bad road rash. He wasn't wearing his $300 helmet. This was his second motorcycle accident in 5 years and this bike was less than two months old. The insurance adjusters are totaling it and he actually wants to buy another one. However his car that I cosigned for is sitting in the driveway because the battery died and he doesn't have enough money to buy a new one.
I refuse to be an enabler any longer and my therapist agreed I made the right decision and that did lift some of the heaviness I felt in my heart but as a mother it still hurts when your kid is hurting. He's 31 years old and works once in a while but plays video games on his phone all day, never cleans his room or follows any of the house rules I gave him. I just couldn't do it anymore. There's so much more to this story that I won't bore you with today. The sad thing is that he is a good person with a good heart which makes this all the more difficult for me.
Plus a guy I thought might be a keeper turned out to be a jerk and I'm hosting Thanksgiving for the first time in 12 years and I'm feeling overwhelmed and depressed about so much right now. Plus I'm not sleeping well and haven't for about a year which doesn't help. I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up.
No offense but he doesn't sound like a good person to me, sorry you have had to deal with such an irresponsible son.
It's very hard to be the SO or daughter of someone in the throes of mental illness or alcoholism, sorry you are dealing with this.
Have you considered therapy for yourself? (It's understandable you'd feel anxiety). Someone to get your feelings out with, get some validation and possibly ideas for coping...also there are support groups for families of those with mental illness as well as for those with alcoholic family members. Check Google for those in your area.
And I'm sure you know you must take care so you can be there for others. Take an afternoon or evening and go do something you enjoy, to clear your head. Exercise would help as well. Give yourself permission.
Hopefully your husband can improve with adjustment of medications. It's very hard to be in his position, been there. It's a battle for a lifetime. Has he been evaluated for treatment resistant depression? Also, I finally got relief with two antidepressants, and one antipsychotic med that are used off label, or for situations that are different than psychosis, and one mood stabilizer. Took a long time to get to a good place...but everyone is so different in response to meds.
Your mom been through rehab before? Or has she attended AA meetings?
I'm afraid to be positive about her white knuckle days of not drinking without further professional help or at least getting a sponsor in AA and going to meetings....breaking bones when drunk is common, a definite sign that help is needed...if she has not gone to AA or to rehab this is the time. Involve her family MD to help you arrange treatment and hopefully she'll agree. You could also try having family members tell her in a loving way how her drinking affects them and how much they want help for her. But of course she must decide on her own if she's had enough and is willing to take steps toward sobriety.
Wish we had a magic pill to make it go away. But this is your reality. Keep us updated and
come here to vent, we get it here on this thread.
Thanks for your kind words. Family has been involved and my brother and I have told her how her drinking has affected us but we have had go down the tough love route. He lives out of state so he does not deal with this on a daily basis, When she was in the ER Tuesday we told the doctor about her drinking. She had a social worker talk to her for 1 hour while we waited outside. She has the resources to get help but she may need surgery on the arm and I have to take her to an orthopedic surgeon next week to determine the final result. She said she's willing to give rehab or AA a try after she heals so we will see. She has never sought treatment before other than seeing a therapist in the past. Her drinking began 14 years ago after my dad died got a bit worse then she quit cold turkey for 3 years. We had a long talk today and she is so different when she's not drinking. it's my old mom again. She's 73 and still works. since Monday she has not drank. Whether or not this was a good idea my brother threw out every bottle of vodka she had around the house. She had many hiding spots and about 10 empty ones.
I think that was the right thing to do. Since she can't drive she can't buy her alcohol but she could have it delivered but she swore to me she is moving forward and not going to drink and I have to try and trust her. It's hard but she will feel so much better. My husband goes back to work 1 week from Tuesday and he's getting anxious about that too.
Thanks for your kind words. Family has been involved and my brother and I have told her how her drinking has affected us but we have had go down the tough love route. He lives out of state so he does not deal with this on a daily basis, When she was in the ER Tuesday we told the doctor about her drinking. She had a social worker talk to her for 1 hour while we waited outside. She has the resources to get help but she may need surgery on the arm and I have to take her to an orthopedic surgeon next week to determine the final result. She said she's willing to give rehab or AA a try after she heals so we will see. She has never sought treatment before other than seeing a therapist in the past. Her drinking began 14 years ago after my dad died got a bit worse then she quit cold turkey for 3 years. We had a long talk today and she is so different when she's not drinking. it's my old mom again. She's 73 and still works. since Monday she has not drank. Whether or not this was a good idea my brother threw out every bottle of vodka she had around the house. She had many hiding spots and about 10 empty ones.
I think that was the right thing to do. Since she can't drive she can't buy her alcohol but she could have it delivered but she swore to me she is moving forward and not going to drink and I have to try and trust her. It's hard but she will feel so much better. My husband goes back to work 1 week from Tuesday and he's getting anxious about that too.
Two weeks since being back on Cymbalta and today was the roughest since. I know it takes a while to "get level" again, but it's been bleak here today mood wise. I'm having passive suicidal thoughts. I'm not going to act on them, but I think I'm bout to go to bed and wish for death over night. Oddly, I am getting better medically. My foot has healed. There's no infection. I was kinda hoping to get septic again and die, but it looks like I'm going to hang around for a while.
I just read your post and I don't want you to go to bed without knowing that someone is thinking of you and praying for you! I have read your posts before but I am sorry to say that I cannot recall everything that you are going through nor do I know what it is like to be in your shoes . But I pray that somehow you will start to count whatever blessings that you do have and maybe that will help you to get through one more day.
Don't give up yet !!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe the Photog
Two weeks since being back on Cymbalta and today was the roughest since. I know it takes a while to "get level" again, but it's been bleak here today mood wise. I'm having passive suicidal thoughts. I'm not going to act on them, but I think I'm bout to go to bed and wish for death over night. Oddly, I am getting better medically. My foot has healed. There's no infection. I was kinda hoping to get septic again and die, but it looks like I'm going to hang around for a while.
Two weeks since being back on Cymbalta and today was the roughest since. I know it takes a while to "get level" again, but it's been bleak here today mood wise. I'm having passive suicidal thoughts. I'm not going to act on them, but I think I'm bout to go to bed and wish for death over night. Oddly, I am getting better medically. My foot has healed. There's no infection. I was kinda hoping to get septic again and die, but it looks like I'm going to hang around for a while.
Hi Joe
Glad your foot has healed...
Hang in there, I do know how you feel...it certainly can get tough.
Hopefully today you will feel a bit better. Get up, take a hot shower, dress and fix a good breakfast.
8 days sober for my mom, not as depressed but her arm hurts bad, Seeing a surgeon Monday. Hubby doing better and looking forward to going back to work this Tuesday.
One day at a time for you your mom, lubby. 8 days is a great start!
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. But I pray that somehow you will start to count whatever blessings that you do have and maybe that will help you to get through one more day.
!! 
