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Thanks for asking! I had a really good first day of Spring in spite of only getting two hours of sleep last night. Also, today used to be my anniversary with my ex and I was expecting to be really depressed. But I felt real good. I worked on a few projects on the computer and had a long conversation with a buddy who works in railroading last night as well as looking forward to another friend coming down Friday so we can get out photographing a couple of trains. So, I feel really good!
Hi Joe & GBH - seems like the three of us are doing pretty well. It's nice to know I can come to this particular thread and be completely myself. Never made it to the gym again yesterday but I had a lot on my plate with my granddaughter here for spring break, my son recuperating from surgery, my own doctor's appointment, then hair appointment and grocery shopping.
I usually go to the gym Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays so I'm going to try it again today after I take my granddaughter to the trampoline park. I would love to try the trampoline myself, just not sure if it would cause further back issues. Sometimes I feel I just need a change. We have a new rock climbing wall about 30 minutes away - I want to try that also even though I'm a little afraid of heights. We all need to get out of our comfort zones once in a while and I'm not getting any younger. :-)
As a person who lost a very loved friend to suicide, I hope anyone who feels hopeless with depression will reach out and tell us.
I saw the signs of hopelessness in retrospect after my friend's suicide, but didn't know those signs meant my loved one was considering suicide. He was happy, back to 'normal', just a few weeks before he killed himself. he had made the decision to kill himself and we thought he was feeling mentally better. Not. He was saying goodbye.
if considering suicide, please reach out. Please. there may be help....at least try.....for the sake of us who love you so very, very much. there is medical help for mental illness.
Last edited by texan2yankee; 03-25-2019 at 05:06 PM..
As a person who lost a very loved friend to suicide, I hope anyone who feels hopeless with depression will reach out and tell us.
I saw the signs of hopelessness in retrospect after my friend's suicide, but didn't know those signs meant my loved one was considering suicide. He was happy, back to 'normal', just a few weeks before he killed himself. he had made the decision to kill himself and we thought he was feeling mentally better. Not. He was saying goodbye.
if considering suicide, please reach out. Please. there may be help....at least try.....for the sake of us who love you so very, very much. there is medical help for mental illness.
Sorry about your friend and that they chose suicide, hard for you and the family.
We regulars on this thread are doing well...we talk occasionally about our troubles. And encourage each other....
I've been struggling with some stuff lately. I'm gonna put this in a spoiler box, because I don't want to risk bringing anybody into a bad place if they don't have the resources to process this kind of thinking and ideation from me right now.
Spoiler
What sucks is that I know, because I've been certified in Mental Health First Aid and I've been told and told...if one has thoughts of self harm or something, the appropriate course of action is always this whole evaluation for hospitalization business. A family member went through it, last year. And he stayed a week in a place where therapy was voluntary and he didn't go to it, he was in a room alone the whole time except for meals, because he didn't want to participate and no one made him. Basically kind of locked down daycare with no shoelaces. They also gave him drugs, without even having him do any counseling at all. But that's kind of neutral, it neither really helped nor harmed his mental health all that much in the bigger picture. What made it bad, was that even with good insurance, with the place being in-network and everything, the cost was over $1500. Which our family cannot easily afford.
Nevermind potential ramifications to one's job, and other aspects of life. That would make everything worse, not better.
Knowing this, when I have the bad days, I know I can't talk to anyone. I cannot risk that happening, and I don't have any reason to believe that "getting help" would actually be...helpful, to me. And I see many ways in which it would do more harm than good. Cannot speak to friends, family, partner, doctors or therapists if I have times I wish I simply were not here anymore.
Sometimes I tell people I have an urge to disappear, just to get in my car and go away, to vanish. I've even said it is as close to a self destructive urge as anything I have. That is code for something I can't say. They don't know. They look at me with that concerned face that says, "I don't know what to say to you, and boy is this awkward." And I am pretty sure that they like and love me less for showing my messy side to them and not being fun and upbeat.
I see a lot on this forum, when people have struggles, of "we are not qualified to help you, you need to get professional help" but I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like in a way, anonymous strangers on the internet who don't know where I live might be the ONLY ones I could talk to. Other options feel a lot less...safe. To the logistical realities of my situation, and to my relationships with people.
Of course...I still don't talk about a lot of my stuff around here, as I've learned the hard way that not everyone on the site in general will be supportive or kind. But somehow I appreciate this place and always end up back here anyhow.
Guess I just want to thank the real people on the forums for being around. Sometimes it helps.
Sonic, I have been there. There is a way to the other side of this.
Outpatient is something to consider. You go in the day OR they have evening ones too. Not as much in the evenings, but so that you don't have to take time off work, and maybe you don't need all the parts of the day program. Gym time and whatnot.
A friend did both. The day one and then another time the evening one and got ALOT out of it both times.
It's also more affordable than inpatient.
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