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Will having an additional 15 minutes at home in the morning and night solve your problem? I'm thinking it won't and that is probably the best you can expect in moving anywhere that fits your other criteria.
The reality is that working in the city is extremely difficult for any single parent to make work. I don't know what you do for work. But if it is at all possible, I think your focus should be on finding work out of the city, and not on trying to beat the realities of the commute. Yes, you'd probably take a pay cut, but you could look in much cheaper areas for housing and reduce commuting costs... and the extra time with family and reduced stress is worth something too.
Will having an additional 15 minutes at home in the morning and night solve your problem? I'm thinking it won't and that is probably the best you can expect in moving anywhere that fits your other criteria.
The reality is that working in the city is extremely difficult for any single parent to make work. I don't know what you do for work. But if it is at all possible, I think your focus should be on finding work out of the city, and not on trying to beat the realities of the commute. Yes, you'd probably take a pay cut, but you could look in much cheaper areas for housing and reduce commuting costs... and the extra time with family and reduced stress is worth something too.
I agree with this.
It seems that you have more problems with Westfield than just the commute. It couldn't hurt to browse a few jobs in your area that are located in NJ. Check out the pay -- see what you'd be saving by not taking the train and what your commute could look like.
Honestly, going by your criteria, Berdards Twp seems like a really good fit, but it's so far from NYC (over an hour into Penn).
As a mother, I know your desire to just spend some time with your girls. I applaud you for doing well enough on your own that you can afford a decent home in a good area. But I can't imagine how hard it can be without an extra set of hands to help you out when you get home.
The truth is, fifteen extra minutes in the morning and afternoon may not seem like much in the end. However, avoiding the stress of traffic/parking when you are home with your girls will be huge. That may be something to think about...
Thanks everyone for the input so far. To answer a question that came up from a few people, while I'd love to not have a job in NYC, it hasn't worked out for me. I left the UWS shortly after my 2nd child was born, burnt out on NYC and thinking I could create a better life for my family in PA. I chose PA b/c my mom and brother (my only relatives) live there now. My plan was to take 6-12 months not working and being at home w/my kids, and then get back to work. I'm a lawyer with most of my experience in financial services and after 1.5 years of job hunting, networking, etc throughout both PA and NJ, I had burned through too much of my savings and started looking for a job again in the metro NYC area, where my skills are (apparently) most marketable. Found this position through a former colleague and am grateful to have gotten it. I tried really, really hard to make it work out of NYC, but failed, and I am not happy about it but have to make the best of it.
Ideally I'd like this house to be where we live until my kids go to college (my starter and ender house, lol). I am sick of moving, and renting, and being unsettled - not having a permanent place to make home is wearing on all of us, but especially my 6 yo daughter. I want to settle in somewhere and build a community for myself and my family. My kids really need a backyard (small is ok) to run around in especially my son, and I need a bedroom for each of them (girl and boy). I don't want to live in the city proper anymore, or apartment style. And I need to be able to use the public schools.
Someone asked whether the extra 15 min on each end of the day would make a big difference - I've wondered that too. Maybe it's more the quality of the commute now, and so maybe even a longer train tide but direct and with no parking problems would help. I'm flummoxed, and just trying to figure out what little I might be able to fix to make this more bearable...
Thanks everyone for the input so far. To answer a question that came up from a few people, while I'd love to not have a job in NYC, it hasn't worked out for me. I left the UWS shortly after my 2nd child was born, burnt out on NYC and thinking I could create a better life for my family in PA. I chose PA b/c my mom and brother (my only relatives) live there now. My plan was to take 6-12 months not working and being at home w/my kids, and then get back to work. I'm a lawyer with most of my experience in financial services and after 1.5 years of job hunting, networking, etc throughout both PA and NJ, I had burned through too much of my savings and started looking for a job again in the metro NYC area, where my skills are (apparently) most marketable. Found this position through a former colleague and am grateful to have gotten it. I tried really, really hard to make it work out of NYC, but failed, and I am not happy about it but have to make the best of it.
Ideally I'd like this house to be where we live until my kids go to college (my starter and ender house, lol). I am sick of moving, and renting, and being unsettled - not having a permanent place to make home is wearing on all of us, but especially my 6 yo daughter. I want to settle in somewhere and build a community for myself and my family. My kids really need a backyard (small is ok) to run around in especially my son, and I need a bedroom for each of them (girl and boy). I don't want to live in the city proper anymore, or apartment style. And I need to be able to use the public schools.
Someone asked whether the extra 15 min on each end of the day would make a big difference - I've wondered that too. Maybe it's more the quality of the commute now, and so maybe even a longer train tide but direct and with no parking problems would help. I'm flummoxed, and just trying to figure out what little I might be able to fix to make this more bearable...
I hear you and some folks here have come up with a few possibilities for locations.
But I would encourage you not to give up on finding something outside of NYC. In some ways, kids get easier as they get a little older, but in other ways they can require even more time/coordination with after-school activities too. While you may have had more time to look for jobs before, I think it can sometimes be easier to land that next job while you are employed (plus it gives you some leverage in negotiations if you get an offer). It's still a tight market but getting a little bit better. Keep that linkedin profile current and set up your search in indeed to get notified of spots that come up that meet your criteria. Best of luck.
A little context. I'm half of a couple in our early 30s who have been scheming our "escape" from NJ for quite some time now. All of the things you mention ("uncivilized" commutes, fighting for parking at the library/grocery store/everywhere) are what's driving us away as well. We are currently living in Weehawken, so the commute is probably better than yours, but believe me even while living literally on top of the Lincoln Tunnel, it's no picnic.
We do not yet have kids, but I think about them often. The one thing that I constantly question is if the schools in Hudson County are really as bad as they're made out to be and whether or not that will change over the course of the next 5-10 years or so.
There is a shift in mindset for a lot of young folks these days away from the "settle down in the burbs" paradigm. If that trend continues, and these people choose to stay in places like Downtown JC and Hoboken instead of moving to Westfield or Ridgewood, how can the quality of schools not improve in response? Wishful thinking, maybe?
All of that said, my wife and I know that NJ will NOT work for us. It is literally impossible to work in the city, have a good commute, have space and green things to look at, and avoid all of the congestion issues that are inherent to densely populated areas all at the same time. I am resigned to this reality, but I'm also fine with it because I'm ready to move on. I also commend you, though, for being able to keep your head above water around here as a single parent. That's an unimagnable thing for me.
There is a shift in mindset for a lot of young folks these days away from the "settle down in the burbs" paradigm. If that trend continues, and these people choose to stay in places like Downtown JC and Hoboken instead of moving to Westfield or Ridgewood, how can the quality of schools not improve in response? Wishful thinking, maybe?
that all depends on your standards. I wouldn't be surprised if there is improvement but the problem is still going to be there unless you can price them out and make sure they cant still get into your school.
Have you looked at Glen Ridge? 30-35 minute direct train to Penn Station. Top rated schools, and the town is small with no real downtown, so it always seems quiet and sleepy to me.
When you want busier you can always hop over to Montclair next door.
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