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I had a friend that was going through hard times move in with me for what was suppose to be a week. After two months, I kicked him out. Guy messes up my place, doesn't clean up after himself, eats my food, pays next to nothing and thinks he is doing me a favour when he does, has money to buy toys for himself, does not try to find work, just sits around my place running up my electrical bill, uses my computer and tv and thinks we should take turns on my stuff. Started to call himself my "roommate" and not my houseguest. I told him he was out of his mind. It came to blows, I litterally kicked his ass out of my house.
I don't know what you should do with your friend, but will say taking her in can very well ruin everything. Tell her your husband is in total disagreement with her being there. Blame it all on him, I am sure he won't mind being used as the scapegoat for you to say no.
Great example here as to why decline.
It also reminded me of an ungrateful older brother (with wife & kids in tow), who moved in with me.
What was supposed to be a week at the most, turned out to be a whole lot more!!!
I had to "hint" for them to leave. Mind you, his wife did laundry every single freakin' day (at my expense), and they were staying for free.
He left in a huff, never to be heard from again!
Later, I heard he had yet another car repossessed.
BTW, his car loan company called me about his non-payments; and I made TWO anonymous payments to help the dude even after he and his family stormed off.
To this day, I'm sure he is still blaming everyone else for his repossessions, divorces, etc.!
He's afraid she will stay here for years lol. He wouldn't have an issue with a few months. But, how can you really know until the reality manifests itself. Damn. I actually cried over this earlier. It's so frustrating.
There's a reason she's having to get out of the other friend's house in a week.
If you do decide to go through with this, make sure you set the terms -- and be very firm. That is she can stay in your guest room 2 months or 1 month and that's it. Don't let her move much of her stuff in, make sure it's very temporary but the best advice is not to do it at all.
If she wanted to lose weight and get a job she would have done so by now. Making a project out of someone else's problems usually will be a failed project.
She's been trying really hard (ton of interviews via agencies and hospitals), but still nothing. She's currently looking into a gig in North Dakota. There are just too many applicants for these jobs (I guess). She's been staying with a friend the past month and she needs to get out by next week. She texted me last night about hoping she can come out here if nothing pans out.
Damn, I'm oscillating. My dh probably wouldn't have an issue with any other friend. As probably mentioned, he takes issue with adults not having a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of. He figures by the late 30s a person should have it somewhat together. Things were really looking up with all the interviews. I'm just gonna clean the house and then start cleaning the basement to get it ready. I never wrote up the email I talked about writing, but I will put something together. I'm trying to hold on to a glass half full mentality.
Nothing will pan out, as long as you leave the offer open to move in. I bet she's not even trying her hardest to get the jobs because she's counting on moving in with you and having you take care of her. Tell her no freaking way, and then watch her magically start to get her stuff together. It will be better for everyone involved.
Not to mention what an awful thing this would be to do to your husband...
It also reminded me of an ungrateful older brother (with wife & kids in tow), who moved in with me.
What was supposed to be a week at the most, turned out to be a whole lot more!!!
I had to "hint" for them to leave. Mind you, his wife did laundry every single freakin' day (at my expense), and they were staying for free.
He left in a huff, never to be heard from again!
Later, I heard he had yet another car repossessed.
BTW, his car loan company called me about his non-payments; and I made TWO anonymous payments to help the dude even after he and his family stormed off.
To this day, I'm sure he is still blaming everyone else for his repossessions, divorces, etc.!
And boy - can a free tenant get annoying very fast. I've let my kid's friends camp out in my house when they need a place to stay but one liked to take extremely long (free) showers. It irks me to no end to hear the water running and running and have the hot water all used up.
I know of a couple who had a big RV and they were at an RV park where someone else had abandoned a very overweight woman. They took her in as she had no where to go, she had a pleasant enough personaility but a bit apppetite so she went everywhere with them, she had no qualms about eating their food, sitting around waiting for dinner to be served. She had no family to take her in, no one who wanted to provide her a free home and food, so this couple was stuck with her, they let her move into their house when they were done touring as she had no where to go.
I haven't heard any updates, if they ever shook themselves loose of her or not. Very possible they themselves ended up abandoning her at some RV park, how do you get rid of people who have no where to go?
If you really want to help someone, what you can do is get them set up in an affordable apartment or mobile home. Pay their deposit and two or three months rent if you really really want to help. Make sure it's all in their name, the lease, the rent agreement and that way they have a chance to go look for jobs and get their act together and a set time to do it within, preferrably in some far away city, no where close to where you live.
You can help people but you have to be smart about it, and that would feel a whole lot less cruel when they don't make it than trying to toss someone from your own home onto the streets and they have no where to go.
She's been trying really hard (ton of interviews via agencies and hospitals), but still nothing. She's currently looking into a gig in North Dakota. There are just too many applicants for these jobs (I guess). She's been staying with a friend the past month and she needs to get out by next week. She texted me last night about hoping she can come out here if nothing pans out.
Damn, I'm oscillating. My dh probably wouldn't have an issue with any other friend. As probably mentioned, he takes issue with adults not having a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of. He figures by the late 30s a person should have it somewhat together. Things were really looking up with all the interviews. I'm just gonna clean the house and then start cleaning the basement to get it ready. I never wrote up the email I talked about writing, but I will put something together. I'm trying to hold on to a glass half full mentality.
You had made up your mind before posting this thread, Braunwyn... Frankly, I don't see the purpose of it. You're dead set to destroy your life.
Ask yourself, would you rather remain friends or become enemies? I'm betting that you would rather remain friends. If you think you are torn now, think how you would be torn if you have to come up with a way to get her out of your house. I've had other friends who did what you are thinking about, and they ended up selling their house to get rid of their house guest, although they loved their house and didn't want to move. Her life is her responsibility, and chances are she would not appreciate your efforts anyway. Being obese points to just one huge mistake she has made in her life, and if you can get her to change her eating habits it will be a miracle. She doesn't see herself as obese and she probably doesn't see her lifestyle and attitude as something other people couldn't tolerate. It will be almost impossible to find her a job until she loses weight and if she doesn't want to lose weight, she's not going to. You can not help someone until they want to help themselves, and even then it is difficult to help an obese person. You will end up picking up after her and doing the extra housework she causes by living in your home. Stay friends, don't do it.
Ask yourself, would you rather remain friends or become enemies? I'm betting that you would rather remain friends. If you think you are torn now, think how you would be torn if you have to come up with a way to get her out of your house. I've has other friends who did what you are thinking about, and they ended up selling their house to get rid of their house guest, although they loved their house and didn't want to move. Her life is her responsibility, and chances are she would not appreciate your efforts anyway. Being obese points to just one huge mistake she has made in her life, and if you can get her to change her eating habits it will be a miracle. She doesn't see herself as obese and she probably doesn't see her lifestyle and attitude as something other people couldn't tolerate. You can not help someone until they want to help themselves, and even then it is difficult to help an obese person. You will end up picking up after her and doing the extra housework that her being in your home causes. Stay friends, don't do it.
She probably thinks she is beautiful on the inside and we have to accept her for "who she is" lol
This is an unitentionally hilarious remark. How can you turn her away? It's very easy!!
Having re-read this thread, the issue here is really YOU, not your obese friend. You are playing the victim you will almost certainly pay a bitter price for making such a spectacularly stupid decision. I know of no one who would allow this woman in their house. You act as if every rational, sane individual out there has the need to rescue people or play victim. They do not, especially with someone as damaged and mentally weak as the houseguest we're discussing here.
In two years time, re-read this thread, when your lazy houseguest has destroyed your privacy, marriage, happiness and your life. She will probably weigh 500 pounds by then and still will be leeching off you and unemployed. You're not going to rescue, save or change this woman and you need to examine why you wish to attempt this.
As mentioned in this thread, she's not just some stranger. Of course people don't randomly take other people in. I can't say for sure what will happen. That's an unknown. And I don't know what to think of the victim charge. It's a hard decision.
Living with people (like borrowing money) can KILL a relationship. In your case (as S said) it could/will kill TWO!
I've known her for 20 years. She's a best friend, like family, not just a friend or an acquaintance.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Herc130
I had a friend that was going through hard times move in with me for what was suppose to be a week. After two months, I kicked him out. Guy messes up my place, doesn't clean up after himself, eats my food, pays next to nothing and thinks he is doing me a favour when he does, has money to buy toys for himself, does not try to find work, just sits around my place running up my electrical bill, uses my computer and tv and thinks we should take turns on my stuff. Started to call himself my "roommate" and not my houseguest. I told him he was out of his mind. It came to blows, I litterally kicked his ass out of my house.
I don't know what you should do with your friend, but will say taking her in can very well ruin everything. Tell her your husband is in total disagreement with her being there. Blame it all on him, I am sure he won't mind being used as the scapegoat for you to say no.
That's why I've been thinking about writing something up, to cover the bases for the kind of stuff you went through. I have relayed to her that my dh has concerns and that we need to talk about it.
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