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It's none of my business whether Bill Gates helps his relatives or not or if anyone else helps theirs. My parents helped their offspring and I've helped mine. My brother's wife's brother is extremely wealthy and he sends his sister about $30,000 a year plus when he buys a new car, he ships them his older one. He also bought a gorgeous home for them to live in, because later on his and his sister's parents will live with my brother and his wife. My bro is retired military.
Interesting replies so far but let me clarify my question:
My brothers and sisters think we should share out wealth and basically send them a supplemental income based on the fact that we are doing so well and they are not.
While we are not millionaires, should the hard working but working class low paid brother and sister live a life of struggle if their brother or sister was wealthy? Or should the wealthy sister help support financially their poor brothers and sisters because they are family? (I am not talking about a full support but if the working class brothers and sisters are working full time and just getting by, should the rich family member send them a regular check because they are family?)
If you found out one of Bill Gates's brothers or sisters were living near the poverty line but working full time, would you think less of Bill Gates?
No obligation. We all have to live with the choices that we make. I think they have a lot of nerve thinking that you should share YOUR wealth with them. If they are working full time and just getting by, they need to take some steps to fix their own situation and that does not include asking you to help support them. They are adults who have made choices. It is best that they learn to stand on their own two feet. You and yours may fall on hard times because many people who thought they never would have so plan for your future and let the relatives do the same. If they are younger, they can join the military, get an education and a future.
IMHO, do not help them. You are enabling them and keeping them from learning the lesson they need to learn. They need to face the life they have created. It's quite simple. THEY have not earned it. I can see giving a luxurious gift for the holidays or something along those lines, but helping to support them? No way.
Just a quick rundown, I have one in law who works 60+ hours a week and his wife does not work at all. Their youngest is in the military now so all of their adult children should be taking care of themselves. 2 of 5 adult kids live at home and mom encourages it because 'the more relatives living there, the longer they can keep their Section 8 housing'. This is the same person who inherited 70K and blew through it by taking their friends and kids on a 2 week vacation. Now they have nothing again and nothing invested for the future. They have lived off the system for the past 25 years and that's where they are comfortable.
We have scraped and saved and have been homeowners for the past 8 years and they say it's too bad our money is tied up or we could enjoy ourselves more. I say, I can sleep at night in my house knowing it is an investment and now that the DH is turning 50, retirement isn't just a 4 syllable word, it's coming.
They always cry poor, but live the life of Riley. As long as they aren't in need of the basics of life, let them find a way to get what they need by themselves.
May I recommend a book called The Millionaire Next Door? It discusses giving money to relatives and the resulting behavior.
I am reminded of my aunt who handed her son everything. When he and his much, much younger wife turned on her, she was on her own as no one else would lift a finger for her. Be sure your will is updated so the people you don't help today, won't have the control over you in your old age.
There are no right or wrong answers, only the consequence to you, and them, for choices made today.
May I recommend a book called The Millionaire Next Door? It discusses giving money to relatives and the resulting behavior.
I am reminded of my aunt who handed her son everything. When he and his much, much younger wife turned on her, she was on her own as no one else would lift a finger for her. Be sure your will is updated so the people you don't help today, won't have the control over you in your old age.
There are no right or wrong answers, only the consequence to you, and them, for choices made today.
That is a great book and one that my dad bought me many years ago. Some great advice within.
To answer the OPs question, I don't think that you are obligated. Although I'm personally generous with money and gifts to others, I wouldn't feel obligated to give others a monthly stipend to supplement income. I've watched a few coworkers of mine in dire, financial situations making so many foolish choices along the way. I've helped bail out a friend or two to never see a Penney repaid. Each situation is very different.
I suspect if we did help support my brothers and sisters no matter how much money we gave them it would never be enough and they would say we were cheap.
If a millionaire gave his brothers and sisters $50K, the siblings would likely say why not $100K?
My husband and I are doing quite well financially. We both make a very large income and have lots of money left over after we pay our bills. We also have been doing quite well with our investments. Getting great jobs and making lots of money was a combination of luck, good fortune based on some gambles, and committing ourselves to education and professional development.
My brothers and sisters (all are working class folks making less than $10 an hour) are not doing so well financially. All of them are hard workers and most of them work 2-3 jobs. They are always working but can't get their heads above water due to expenses in our inflationary times.
They think it is only fair that my husband and I send them money help them out on a regular basis because we hit the jackpot with our successful careers and good investment choices, and they didn't.
Do you help support less successful members of your family due to a very successful career and investments? Should you?
* Should someone like a Bill Gates (a Billionaire) see that his working class family all live well because he has more money than he can ever spend? (As long as they don't waste the money and continue to work full time)
** Sorry to report I am not Bill Gates but we are doing fine.
It really is up to you. I don't think you need to follow certain rules.
When I was in college, my two brothers gave me a lot of money and also gave me cars as birthday gifts. I love my parents dearly but my parents wanted us to build characters, so they didn't really "help" me financially. Hindsight being 20/20, I think my parents were doing the right thing about me. I am financially responsible and secure at age of 28. I used to max out two credit cards in 2 weeks. I was just plain stupid!
However, my two brothers have always spoiled me financially and I have nothing to complain about. You shouldn't feel obligated to help out, plus, you don't want to encourage bad behaviors in case some of your relatives have an astonishing sense of entitlement.
You don't owe anybody an apology for being wealthy either, obviously, you've earned it.
Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 06-26-2013 at 07:37 AM..
I don't know your brothers or sisters. I'm in this situation right now, though, and boy-oh-boy, I wish I had a relative who could help me out, but we are ALL working class, so... tough beans.
What I'm trying to say is, your investments are doing well, set up some investments for your nieces and nephews.
Help your brothers and sisters get extra training to change their jobs. Help them with their bills when they get too far behind. Stay in contact with them and be the loving sister you've always been.
I don't think a monthly "allowance" is the right way to go, though.
A lot of people are saying "encouraging bad behavior" but your siblings are GROWN adults, I don't think it's a question of bad behavior, but how much you can help out before you start spreading YOURSELF too thin.
You've done well partly because we don't tax derivatives in the same way other kinds of income, and there's a big gap on how much tax you have to pay below and above $250K. Your brothers and sisters are feeling this. At the same time there are fewer programs that can help them. Politicians like to say charities should pick up the slack if the economy can't... well, there you are.
If their family can't help them get above water, who's going to?
They think it is only fair that my husband and I send them money help them out on a regular basis because we hit the jackpot with our successful careers and good investment choices, and they didn't.
Astonishing sense of entitlement.
Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 06-26-2013 at 08:29 AM..
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